Pregnant with 4th... Not planned.. youngest is a baby.

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Hi not sure what I'm expecting from posting.. but I need to tell SOMEONE!!!! (Other than my husband) that I'm pregnant.. and I feel so stupid ending up in this position... My oldest is 6 youngest 8 months... I suffer from awful HG when I'm pregnant so I spend the first 20 weeks in and out of hospital.. I feel so guilty ive done this to my other kids.. we've just got back to normal.. going out places after lockdown .. baby's just started baby groups and having time just us.. now this has happened my family are all gonna say I'm stupid for having another cause of my pregnancies... I'm worried about money, time with the others, what if this baby has a serious disability and well just everything.. my husband seems pretty happy with having another but says do what I like it's my choice. Arghh Im just ranting.. but I really don't think I could get rid of it.. it's just my bloody pregnancy are so awful...

And breath.....right first thing is to sit down with DH when you are feeling a bit more calm and discuss this together. It's your decision at the end of the day. No one is going to judge and tbh no one else needs to know, providing you are not hospitalised.
I've had 2 friends in similar positions...they sat down and had a good critical look at pros and cons. The decision you both make will be the right one for you both and your family. Good luck

Well I'm guessing with 3 children already you already have a 7 seater car so that's one expense you won't need to factor in? Plus you've already got all the baby things from nr 3 - maybe even a double pushchair/pram already? Holidays abroad are off the table anyway for the foreseeable future due to covid and 4 is a lovely round number don't you think?
Is it certain you'll have HG with this one as well? Is there anything they can give you in advance to prevent prolonged hospital stays? X

Thank you for both for replying..

@peachescariad my husband is so laid back about it that it's annoying.. secretly he'd be really upset if I said I didn't want to keep it.. I think a lot of it is down to judgement, mum guilt and the pregnancy.

@ivfgottwins haven't got a 7 seater just a big mini van type 5 seater.. took ages to find one that would fit 3 car seats in the back lol I'm a stay at home mum and have a lonely little life lol not loads of money spare but we have all we need and a few treats..my last pregnancy my consultant said I shouldn't have anymore anyway.. i have awful labours too lol

Even staying all this I don't think I could ever have an abortion.

Whilst the idea of another pregnancy with HG is horrendous, it will not last forever. If you think beyond the pregnancy how do you feel? Is there room for one more, and if not could you make room? Given that you already have 3 children I'm assuming you enjoy being a mum .

@Talkwhilstyouwalk I just feel guilty.. like I won't have time for my older 2 running around after 2 babies.. we rent luckily.. we moved when I was 7 months pregnant with my last.. but we'd have to move again.. in like 2 years to a 4 bed really.. it's all do able... well it'd have to be... one way or another we'd just have to make it work.. lol

It's a tricky one! But remember that they will get something out of having younger siblings too. Yes, it will be crazy for a bit, but I always think that being part of a big family sounds like fun, especially as they get older.

Just thinking of the positives!

@Talkwhilstyouwalk thank you.. I only found last night.. and im sooo scared of being sick 20+ times a day and being the worst mum ever for 9 months.. I love the busy crazy noisy bit of having a family.. hate the judgement and mum guilt though x

Op have you considered abortion? I know it's awful to have to say but if you're already stretched with 3 kids would it be fair to add another?

Mum guilt is going to be a thing whether you have 3 kids or 30...I've got an only child and still have mum guilt on the dialy even though she's nearly 17!

It sounds like HG aside you're fairly on board with the idea and could make it work in terms of space and finance.

Your current youngest won't remember this time...how much support can your DH give? Do you have family that can help out?

@bubblebath62636 I've considered it.. but looking at my children.. I just feel like it's another one of them and I'd regret it.. I wouldn't say we were stretch... Just comfy now.

@MintyCedric yeah that true.. I think I have guilt no matter what lol they all love each other so much.. love the baby.. and I'm sure they'd love another one.. family aren't that close but would help when they could.. just wish I didn't have to tell them by 6/7 weeks. My husband is self employed.. so can pick and choose his days.. we'd definitely have to get a cleaner while I can't do it though cause he can't bloody clean.. he can tidy and pile things but not clean lol x

You don't sound like you're on board with this pregnancy, and that's ok.

Nobody can make the decision but you. Sending love

@duckegg1 I really don't know where I'm at with it... I dont think I'd forgive myself if I got rid of it... But at the same time I really don't know how I am going to o survive another pregnancy being so ill.. if I didn't get so poorly I probably wouldn't be finished having children.. but the judgement that goes with a huge family is a lot too..

How are you doing op?

Can you speak to your gp about starting meds for the hg before it starts to get bad? The pregnancy sickness website has some great resources as well.

Hi @Emmy3 not to bad thank you.. sickness hasn't started yet thankfully.. I'm feeling a bit excited about having a baby.. just still worried about the sickness lol

@romdowabi tried that last time and the doctors are useless.. pretty much said it's my own fault and I shouldn't get pregnant again.. opps lol I think I've googled everything tried everything.. nothing works.. you name it I've done it lol xx

Congratulations on the pregnancy. I pray you have an easy one this time around. Don't worry about what other people say, just focus on being healthy for your family.

I was in a similar position, considered abortion and went to clinic, but couldn’t go through with it and was in a complete state of turmoil for a couple of months. pg was not easy, and I felt very guilty re: other kids. I had just gone back to work as well.

I had no.4 last week and I’m very glad I did. I think telling everyone and getting through all of that was the hardest bit for me.

@Mincepiebelly awh I'm so glad it's all worked out well for you and congratulations! I really needed your positive story today.. I'm struggling with feeling exhausted, crappy and a LOT of mum guilt! Lol x