Middle child syndrome?

[3AndStopping]

I’m pregnant with my third (& last) child, I know this isn’t really considered a ‘large’ family but it’s larger +1 than I’d imagined!

I’m really, really worried about middle child syndrome. We have all girls & I really don’t want our sweet middle daughter to feel less loved etc.

Anyone have experience? What can I do to avoid? It’s really the only thing I am genuinely worried about.

Thank you!

I think it's a thing. I'm one of two, but DM was one of three and always said that she felt left out and unimportant.

There is a radio show that I listened to when I was at uni and they have a middle child club, where they'll send you a birthday card on your birthday if you're a middle child because, according to one presenter (herself a middle child), no one else will bother. All good fun but lots of people write in with stories about how they were forgotten as middle children. I think being conscious of it is a good start.

Middle child here and I hated it. I was often overlooked or expected to compromise. The oldest was the first to do everything which was such a novelty, the youngest was the last to do everything which was cherished. I think made worse in my case because we are girl girl boy, so the oldest was first child and first girl, then the youngest being the only boy got extra attention. I always felt I had no purpose or role in the family. I don't remember ever having individual attention from my parents, we were always either three kids together, or my brother would do boy stuff with my dad and we sisters left with mum, or otherwise my sister would do something alone with a parent because she was oldest, and I would be with my brother and other parent. It was never me alone with either or both parents.

I think the sex of the children makes a big difference in my experience. I’m the eldest of three girls all close in age and seeing the dynamic in that I said I would never have three children. I have two boys. My middle sister definitely has middle child syndrome and it has affected her whole life, her personality made her super sensitive to any real or perceived “ unfairness “ in the ways we were all treated by our parents in fact she chooses to have no contact with any of us now. I think we had great parents, I’m quite old so back then having 3 children was much more the norm, and I don’t think they gave much thought to issues related to birth order especially as they had only planned to have two, my youngest sister was a happy surprise I think if either me or my youngest sister were the middle one it really wouldn’t have affected us so much. So I would say it’s good that you are aware that it may be an issue, but that it depends on factors such as sex, age difference, personalities as to how much of an issue it may be. I remember hearing, as a child, my primary school teacher aunt saying that she could always tell if she had a “middle child” in her class from the way they behaved. I think my parents must have asked her opinion when they thought none of us were around to hear it, so they must have been concerned about my sister.

I realise that an important word is missing from my post: regularly.

Since the dc were little, dh and I have made sure to each take one of them away regularly for an overnight trip off at least one night.

Not a one-off, but something that happens at least once a year every year.

It's strange, as a PP said, I felt loved but overlooked. I felt very much taken for granted. It still rankles how the oldest and youngest siblings' problems were taken very seriously, but we middles were the ones who could be relied upon to be good so that Mum and Dad could focus on the important problems. Youngest sibling, now that they are also a parent, recognises that. Eldest is oblivious, and was surprised to learn that I had had any major problems in my youth.

Dh and I do our best to focus on each dc as an individual, as well as as part of a group. I know that our middle dc still feels squashed, but we try.