How do I stop the younger kids eating ALL the snack?

[Maximum71]

Quick sketch of the situation:
DSS 21, DSD 20, DSSIL 21, DSS 13, DSS11.
The 3 older kids all take packed lunches- they pay extra house money to do this - So we get extra family packs of crisps, Mars bars, stuff like that to take one of each, together with their sandwiches, to work.
They come down the morning after the shop to find almost everything gone. The 2 younger boys deny eating it (as per usual).
It's so annoying- how do you explain to the younger 2 that of course they can have one or 2 items as a snack but eating the lot in one sitting is unacceptable?
We just can't get it though to them.
There is plenty of other food in the house. Always loads of fruit, nuts, cheese bread, meats, wraps, bagels etc to eat.
The younger one is quite fussy but always eats most of his tea.
I hate the idea of a lock box. But the big kids are super pissed off because they pay for extra snacks yet the boys eat all of it.
If I buy a couple of family pack for the boys to share over the course of a week - it's gone that same evening and they would then sneak to the shop with pocket money from their mum who they see once a week, to go and buy more crap.
My DD's who are older and don't live with us never used to do this. I just don't know how to deal with it.

5 kids. Locked cupboard. They come to me for the key.

@Isadora2007

It’s so disrespectful and I wouldn’t tolerate that. Consequences of taking the snacks without asking and lying about it after would be WiFi off and games consoles gone. You need to sit down as a family and discuss this and agree from this point forward what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaching. Make them part of the discussion and take on board their ideas etc too. But it needs sorted.

Yeah- I'm going to sit down with them after school. It is the lying that is doing my head in the most. They will have to have consequences. They've had quite a hard time of it tho before they came back to us so I'm always respectful of that. I sometimes wonder if the younger ones actually went hungry when they were smaller and lived with their mum.. 😥

@Fruityfriday

I keep snacks in the car boot

Hahaha yes I do that too

We have started keeping crisps and biscuits and any other non perishable snack lunch items in the car boot.

Its also less temping to snack when WFH or on an evening.

@Fruityfriday

I keep snacks in the car boot

Why?

So your children don’t take despite your asking them not to?

Come in guys!

Just say - just make a rule and if they break it - no snacks at all that day / week / whatever.

Rule in this house is ASK.

It’s all they have ever known and indeed how I grew up. My son is 11 and slightly younger daughter. Sometimes I say yes if I think they had a lighter lunch or in planning a later dinner or we have been really active and sometimes I say no if not soon after a meal and or about to serve up

Once they start buying own snacks - they can do as they wish.

By the car boot in summer? Surely snacks get warm and sticky and... gross.

You’re the parent, parent!!

Leave the older ones to sort out their own snacks and keep them at work/college. And buy nothing at all for the younger ones.

@Lassy1945

By the car boot in summer? Surely snacks get warm and sticky and... gross.

You’re the parent, parent!!

As you may have noticed - I'm the step mum- my DDs almost always asked and never lied about taking anything. I've been here a year now. It's a completely different kettle of fish. Trying to 'parent' when all that the kids have known up to now is drama is easier said than done. I'm still figuring it out.

From what you’ve said, it could actually be that there are other issues around them repeatedly taking food; it’s very common in children who have had difficulties in their early years. If you feel that to be the case then you need to think of different strategies rather than just hiding the food. In fact, you need to have lots of healthier foods available.
So, regarding the older siblings they should just get their own snacks as and when, and pay you less as a result. It’s up to them to manage this. Then provide things like boxes of raisins, rice cakes, fruit, and other healthy foods for the younger ones. Let them know that they can help themselves to these snacks but if they all go at once they’ll have to wait for the next shop. Make sure that all their meals have an element of slow release carbs to keep them fuller for longer, reduce the fat and sugar content. Encourage them to drink lots of water.

You have five step children
And grown up biological children?

Yup. I did good huh? 😂🙈😂 love them all though

That's what I think too. The youngest agreed that they will ask for 'treats' from now on after I explained a sandwich and other normal food is a snack etc.. and a chocolate bar is a treat.
Let's see how we roll from now on.

@Lassy1945

You have five step children And grown up biological children?

Well I actually 4 stepchildren as one of the older kids who lives with us is actually DSD's partner. But he seems just as much like a SS as the real SS. I also have 2 grandchildren.. as well as my own DD's so I'm glad I truly like children.

I don't like the sound of lock boxes either but it sounds like as well as not leaving things for other household members they have no respect for others boundaries. One solution could be for the adults to pick up snacks on their way to work but if they don't pass shops everyday then it's more practical for them to buy the weeks worth and keep in their room but if the children are going into other peoples bedrooms to steal then it really does sound locks on adults bedroom doors and/or locked snack boxes.

It's hard being a stepmum and trying to meet everyone's needs, but at their ages they really are old enough to know they shouldn't be going through peoples things in bedrooms. You said they've had a tough time, is this behaviour recent? It is it something they've always done? I'm just wondering if it's them pushing back against your rules or because of what they've gone through with Mum. Is your husband on board with tackling it and backing you up with discipline when they eat the whole households treats/ stealing from other people bedrooms?

Best of luck.

Tried that. The younger kids eat their stuff then sneak into the older kids room on a search and find mission which they they massively deny.. 🙈

I don’t think it’s on that the younger ones are rooting round everyone else’s rooms for snacks. Don’t they understand the concept of privacy?
I’d be having words with them about this, and the lying.

The younger ones are old enough to understand that this is what the older ones are paying for, and even then they are taking a ridiculous amount testing it all. What punishments have they had for the fact they are basically stealing? As opposed to having to hide food, surely there should be consequences for their actions first?

I had to lock it all in the boot of my car and retrieve just enough for the packed lunches every day. Tiresome but worked (beware Penguins in high summer though).

Don’t get more snacks. They are treats and not healthy. Instead after purchase ask the kids as a collective to split them between everyone so they are evening distributed around the family. Give each family member a named container to keep their selection of treats in. The younger ones keep their treats in the kitchen, the older ones keep their treats hidden in their bedroom for safety. When it’s gone it’s gone. Don’t purchase more.

can't the older ones lock their bedrooms.
but i think you are expecting too much of the younger ones to regulate their base instincts.
they obviously cannot do it.
they sound rather feral, on a search and destroy mission, like survival mode. i suggest a pragmatic approach rather than endless heavy analysing. i doubt that will work.
best not to buy such items at all. also lock rooms to prevent invasion.
good luck.

If your dc have a history of neglect then compulsive eating of treats and unboundaried approaches to food wouldn't be that unusual.
( Also the lying to cover this up however annoying it is for you)

Thoughts vary about the best way to manage this but giving regular treats and allowing the dc to have their own stash places is recommended by several sources. Allowing them to be in control.
Maybe a set amount of chocolate/crisps/sweets each week and then healthier snacks as a top up.

If it comes from a place of insecurity then treating the insecurity hopefully in time will bring results and the food issues will reduce.

Maybe in the shorter term the older dc could keep their snacks in their locked bedrooms or buy them when out.

I think you need to stop seeing this as a snack issue.

The issue is that these children aren’t listening to you, aren’t respecting to you, stealing from their siblings, lying...

The issue(s) are much more serious than just over indulging in snacks. And really does not bode well for the future when they are teenagers.

You need to take this seriously and think long term rather than things like lock boxes etc and hiding in the car boot

Stop buying them. The older ones can buy their own, the younger ones can earn some pocket money and decide whether to buy theirs.

my dc (hollow legged teens and preteen) have a box each that I fill once a week. if they get sweets from goodie bags they go in there as well.
if they need/want more they have to go to the shop to fill up their box.

I agree this needs to be foundation of a rule. You buy lunchbox snacks that are less binge worthy -bread sticks, crackers, seeds, cereal bars, dried fruit. Then you buy treats every once in a while and they need to learn to ask for those. I would actually get them into the habit of asking for food. Sometimes the answer is "no it's nearly dinner" or , "if you are hungry, I will chop you an apple". I also prep a plate of fruit on the evening to snack on. Of its there they eat that, if not, they grazie on junk.

It sounds like the eating, stealing and then lying about the food comes from a place of massive insecurity...as a pp said, it's not unusual in children who have had difficult times.

I'm wondering in the long term, working on their insecurities will help with the food thing.

In the short term, like you've done, educating about what is a snack to eat when you're hungry (bagel, sandwich, cheese on toast, bowl of cereal, banana, glass of milk etc) and knowing what Is a 'treat' to eat when you fancy something nice (sweets, chocolate bar, crisps etc) might help them out if they've not known this before.

I wish you luck!