Stick with 2 or have more?

[Overlockdown]

I have one of each,
Ds8 nearly 9 & dd5...
I like the idea of a bigger family as they have no cousins and non coming any time soon.
I don’t know if its best to concentrate on the 2 i have or go for a 3rd

@Overlockdown why do you want more? What support have you got around you? What is your DH/DP stance and how will another child affect them, your career, household dynamics?

I love kids thats why i want more, 🤪
We both work
Me part time
We have a big house etc... could afford it.
As i say our family is small so id like to create my own big family.
We have grandparents to help but we rarely go out as a couple pre covid
not sure on dp
He said originally 3 but that was before the 2 we have lol!

I definitely wouldn't. Two is enough. I wouldn't want to spread ourselves so thinly, change dynamics, risk a baby with health problems and bring up another child. The future for our children is bleak environmentally. Overpopulation has wreaked havoc on our planet and climate change is so serious that their futures are going to be affected. Having another is madness to me.

I wouldn’t with that gap, personally. You’ll just diminish the family experience for the next few years - because distracted by baby, not sleeping, naps, toddler, potty training, baby’s routine - until the baby can join family activities by which time your eldest won’t be interested anyway. I think if you want to create family closeness & connection to make up for no cousins, you’d be better off sticking with 2. Quality not quantity.

But I already have 3 kids (12, 9 and 5) so maybe I’m jaded!

@Overlockdown well if you love kids will you want a fourth or a fifth, what is your cut off? I'm just playing devil's advocate. Age wise how old are you guys?

So true @skeggycaggy

We are 35 & 36 @Mishmased

@Overlockdown I was asking as I wanted to get a good picture of you.
I've always wanted 3 kids (or none) had two at ages 26.5 and 29 and they're now 5.5 and 8 and finally decided after Covid put us on hold to go ahead and I'm 29 weeks pregnant. If you husband is happy and you're happy and you feel you can look after them emotionally, financially and can cope mentally. There is always a risk of having a baby with special needs regardless of your age. I'm 34 and DH is 35 so similar ages to you and your DH. If you feel strongly then I wouldn't put if off any longer. But be ready for people's opinions as you already have 'one of each' 🤣 so why another child!
I have two sons and people assumed I want a daughter so I get comments like Hope this is a girl etc, I just smile and nod.

@Overlockdown I am having the same thoughts at the moment. I'm also 35. I have a DD 5.5yrs and DS 2 yrs. we have said if it's going to happen we wouldn't want to wait too much longer for the reasons @skeggycaggy said so it feels a kind of now or never feeling.

The problem is that my DH has said he is 100% sure he would be fine with having 3 children from when the baby is 18 months plus but the thought of going through that first 18 months again makes him want to say 100% no to another. So hes said if we were going to do it I would need to be the one dealing with the harder times and he had a get out of baby card for when he felt like he couldn't cope... Lockdown with the baby when he was used to only seeing all the crying etc after work rather than all day did send him insane and that's a worry that I wouldn't get the support from him. But then both of us have said what if we regret a lifetime of love with 3 children and a bigger family just for that hard 1.5 years to begin with so I don't know whether to just take on that sacrifice for the greater good type thing.

I don't have a career so I suppose I'm at the cross roads of when my youngest starts school am I going to go down a career route (of which I've no idea what would be) or do I go for the third child and be a SAHM mum with the family route.

I also have had bad pregnancies with sickness and SPD and 2 emergencies sections which do pop into my mind about how I would cope going through that again but then when I hear my 2 kids giggling and playing and when they run up to me and wrap their arms around me I can't help thinking why wouldn't I add another child into that mix!

It's a hard one....

It’s a really hard decision and took us a long time to make it, but we went for it. Our kids (also one of each) were 4 and 6.5 when our third was born. He may have cramped our plans for holidays etc but covid happened so we went through the more limiting bit when we couldn’t do anything anyway. I would also have taken an 18.5 month old if I could, as the pregnancy and new baby bit is far from my favourite. But I knew I wanted three long term. On the plus side, it did all rush by since we already had two kids and all that entails (with school closures thrown in for extra fun!). And by 6 months things felt manageable, so the really painful bit didn’t last as long as we expected. Mine also have only one cousin so I like the idea of them being a bigger little gang.

Just go for it, if you don’t you will always regret not doing it and will always wonder what if...
You will be fine. The gap is not really an issue it’s more like a different family dynamic, but a smaller gap would also be another family dynamic anyway.
your eldest will definitely be able to help and the youngest won’t be threaten by the baby.
Of course be prepared to have people asking if baby was an accident (duh!) or if you really wanted a boy/girl (lots of idiots around).