What have we done?? 😬

[Honey2]

Hi all,

I’ve recently found out we are expecting our 4th child. For years now we have been indecisive about wether to have a 4th. Both my DH and I love being surrounded by children and really enjoy family life. In the end we werent ‘trying’ for a 4th but stopped contraception and just thought we’d ‘see what happened’. I’m 40 so I guess I wasn’t even sure it would happen. But it has! Part of me is really pleased and excited, but now it’s happened I am also suddenly questioning what the hell have we done?!

my husband who is older than me (47) will be in his late fifties when this new baby is still at primary school!

I’m worried how it will effect our relationships with friends - our friends all have primary aged children and most are a family of 2 kids. I’ll be the only one with a baby and so many kids! I’m worried we won’t get included/invited to stuff.

I don’t really worry for my own family, my kids have always said they’d be happy with another brother or sister and I feel financially we have enough to go around. Also with the current ages of 11,8 and 4 I feel like There is enough of an age gap between them and baby that I can still give them all the attention and support they need.

I know it’s silly but I guess I mostly feel worried that people will judge us and think we are mad. and while I know it’s no-ones choice /business but our own it’s really taking the enjoyment away from the pregnancy. Stupidly I almost feel like I have to tell people it was an ‘accident’

Please be kind - I’ve really been honest with how I feel.

Thanks xx

Don't feel like this. A house full of children is a house filled with love. Enjoy it all and relax. Your probably just feeling a bit nervous. X good luck

@liverpool1981 thanks xx I’ll try not to overthink things and enjoy it

Congratulations! I have one child due to infertility so I would say you are lucky guys. I don’t think you are too old or anything like this, I know a few people who just started at this age. It might affect your friendships but might not and something else in your life might affect them anyway.
You will get new friends through your baby as well.

Congratulations. I had an 11 and 8 year gap between me and my brothers. I was probably quite annoying as a 5 year old but we get on well now.

From about the age of 8 or 9 I think most families get into the habit of lift sharing to go to parties, clubs and fixtures etc.

Unless you are really rural, kids are fairly independent by the age of 12/13 (though I'll caveat that by saying we live in a low crime area with lots of people out and about).

Knowing quite a few families of 4, I think they all make a conscious effort to set aside "one on one" time with each child

Congratulations, I would love a 4th but would also feel like this! Not fully decided if we will go for it yet.
I also think a house full of children is lovely, but I also don’t know of any 4 children families so I feel like I would be judged!
I’m sure you’ll be fine

I doubt people will give it much thought to be honest. My DH is just a couple of years younger and like you has older children.
It's not that unusual if you have several older children that you and your husband are more mature parents. You really don't have to explain yourself to anyone in real life. Congratulations and hope it all goes well.

Hi Honey. If you can support a new baby, mentally, physically, emotionally and of course financially then i see no reason for you not to go ahead. I would not want to put you off. I do think you need to consider what/who would be responsible if anything happened to either you or your husband. Make sure you have everything you need and before little one arrives try and work out a schedule for the other children and you and your husband as you will both need a rest. Sorry if this is obvious you have definitely got the experience. The important people in this are you and your family. Please don't worry about what others may think. As you said in your post it is none of their business .
Don't tell a lie about this, it will ruin the excitement for all of you.
A new baby. How wonderful. Best wishes. 💐💐🍼🍫

Thanks for all your kind words. I think I just need to get over my paranoia of what people think!

@greenlynx I’m sorry your pregnancy Journey hasn’t been simple. I’m glad you have one little one x

Going from 3 - 4 was easier than 2-3 ime. 14 months between 3+4.
Now 26 and 25!!
I did it again as are 20 and 19.
Then 3 under 3.
And dc 11 is now 6!!
4 op? Meh!!
You will do more than great!!
And 4yo is great age to be a big sibling!!

@Snowymcsnowsony wow 11 children, how amazing!

My mum was one of 9 so I have the experience of lots of aunties and uncles, but I don’t personally know any big families of my age...

Any tips on managing a larger family??

Snowy (nc).. Throw away your ironing board!! I do iron school uniforms but that's all. Years of ironed, put away clothes tumbling out of drawers made me give up!!
Big basket for shoes and school bags! Ds 17 is a size 12!! Told him it's like canoes in the hallway!
Don't sweat the small stuff!! Lots of family days out - even reluctant sulky teens!!
Camping holidays. Again, even sulky teens!!
Too much to get done to sulk!!
And enjoy them!!

Hi! I'm the youngest of 4, plus have two elder half sisters who lived with us. I wasn't planned and my mum was 40 and my dad 44 when I was born. The age range of us kids was 17,15,6,4,2 plus me. We are all thick as thieves and had no trouble with friendships etc. Tips for managing a large family: my mum never did any ironing, totally unnecessary; get everyone involved in household jobs, and apparently the youngest ones just slot in with your existing routine.xx

Hiya.
I also have 4. Ages 11,8,4 and 1. I often get told that people are amazed by my big family and also in awe of parenting 4 children. Sometimes I've felt in over my head but when I've expressed this to people they've always had really positive comments to make. I've never had negative comments so dont worry. Also I don't think you should worry what other people think anyway, it's your life and people who judge aren't worth worrying about. Sending love. Xx