Relationship help

[Charlie057]

So I've been with my partner for around 7 years. We have a baby together now and I'm just not 100% happy. Through all my pregnancy he was awful, he used to just not come home from work when I was very late pregnant and go to his mates drinking, would ignore my calls and texts and sometimes not come home all night, sometimes he would then go and stay with family for a few days because I would text and tell him he is out of order and it would only be when I would apologise he would come back. It's always my fault. He can never be wrong. With covid going on and being in lockdown I asked him to just stick to it to keep the baby safe and he would go to his families and friends behind my back and lie about where he was. His family don't stick to the rules and there blatant about it and he knows how upset I was about it all but he would still go and pick up his brother who lives with them all and car share every day all through lockdown despite me saying i wanted to keep the baby safe and asking him not to do this. Anyway, my issue is basically I just feel like he doesn't care about my feelings anymore and I just don't trust him one bit. He should be putting his child first and he just isn't. How can I fix this? How do I get the trust back? I question everything he does now and I feel like I'm becoming the issue because I just don't believe a word he says anymore or believe he's where he says he is.

Ok firstly you might want to ask mumsnet to move this over to the relationships topic where you will get more advice/replies.

As for my advice, I would say that this is who he is, this is how he is and very clearly his priorities are not in the order of putting you and your child first.

You’ve already tried every which way to make him see, and it’s clear he will not even entertain it, because what you want, what makes you happy or what keeps you and your child safe is just not that important to him.

This is not something you are going to solve by finding the right way to express your needs/wants to him, no matter how you say it....nicely or stamp your feet and demand it, it just won’t matter. He will not even communicate with you, if he thinks your going to be mad he punishes you by staying away, won’t answer calls or texts, so he’s hardly likely to listen or be able to have a reasonable calm conversation on matters.

Honestly speaking, this won’t get better and the choices are that you either put up with it or you leave. If it was me I would leave, he’s not in partnership with you, he doesn’t have your back, he doesn’t put you or your child first, you literally may as well be single and not have to deal with the stress of him.

Probably not want you want to hear but based on what you have said I would not be entertaining continuing with the relationship.

He sounds very immature and selfish. He is also extremely disrespectful towards you through both his actions and words.

IMO no amount of talking it through, or compromising, or begging will make this any better for you; in fact it’s likely to just continue getting worse as he learns that he can get away with it. And you have your baby to consider in all this too. Don’t make any rash decisions though- get your ducks in order before you act.

Is there a family member or friend who knows you both, that you could talk it through with @Charlie057? You’ll need lots of support if you do decide to leave. X