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Original poster

4 years, 2 years, newborn. Honestly?

19 replies

UsernameSpoosername · 29/12/2020 19:31

Tell me your experiences of (similar) aged children? I really want to know the shit, to put it bluntly.

How often were you completely Overwhelmed?
Did it make you a more shouty parent?
Do you feel any of your children suffered as a results of having 3 so close together?
Do/did you ever wish you’d stopped at 2?
Was going from 1-2 harder than 2-3?

I really want to try & understand the reality! Please! Thank you...

OP posts:

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Original poster

UsernameSpoosername · 29/12/2020 20:31

Bump

OP posts:

lorisparkle · 29/12/2020 20:56

I had a 4 year old, 2 year old and a newborn.

I was exceptionally lucky as ds3 was a fairly easy baby. Happy to just watch the other two, would fall asleep in the day easily, and as long as we kind of kept to his schedule a fairly chilled baby.

I was also exceptionally lucky that ds1 loved making train tracks and ds2 loved playing with them. They would occupy each other for the whole time I was breast feeding ds3

I have far more positive memories of ds3 as a new born than of ds2 or ds1. In fact I would say that time was probably my favourite time.

However once they all started doing external events (sport, music, scouts etc) and I started working more and more life got quite tricky. I felt exceptionally 'stretched' and worried I was not giving them each enough time. It does not help that ds1 has a variety of additional needs and we are currently going through an assessment time for ds2.

I found lockdown quite a relief in many ways and ds2 and ds3 really bonded in that time.

I love having 3 dc but it is not always easy (or cheap!!!)

EarringsandLipstick · 29/12/2020 20:59

This was me, exactly.

To answer your questions:

yes I felt overwhelmed.
definitely more shouty (not at 4,2 & newborn but later)
for me, 2 - 3 was much harder than 1 - 2. (But my 2nd baby was v easy)
never considered only having 2. Wanted 4!
I don't think they lost out. My younger two are both boys & great pals (while murdering each other half the time.). My eldest possibly did a bit. She was only 4. I treated her as if she was older.

However - I was in an awful marriage, which was really bad by the time number 3 arrived. (It ended when my youngest was 2). Hard to know how things would have gone if the marriage had been stable, and not abusive 😔

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 31/12/2020 17:43

Dd born Sept 05. A dd December 06 and a ds November 08. Luckily dd's slept well and ds slept through from 2 weeks old!! Not sure exactly how that all happened!!

leaw100 · 02/01/2021 21:27

I had 3 under 5. I had one at school and 2 at home until last September when my DS started. It was hard, there is no denying it, but absolutely worth it now they’re 7,4,3. It completely depends on your own circumstances. Our situation was made more stressful as we moved house between 1 and 2/3 (as needed more space) but it needed lots of work which we have only just completed. My third is an absolute fire cracker! She has only ever wanted to be like the other two and has fought her way there from day 1. A dream baby but fiercely determined and totally independent! I cherished the moments in hospital with her knowing she would probably be my last. I didn’t want to leave!
My eldest daughter sometimes feels left out as there is only 20 months between 2/3 but we get to do things with her that the others don’t (movie nights/roller skating etc).
I would never had stopped at 2 as I was one of 6. I always say now, 2 wasn’t enough but 3 is more than enough for me! 😉

Hyvsvaar · 02/01/2021 21:33

It’s bonkers but survived 😬
They are all teens now

ScarletZebra · 02/01/2021 21:48

3 isn't a large family

The biggest problem with those age gaps is you have one taking Y9 SATS, one taking GCSE and one A levels at the same time, which is highly stressful.

Two at uni at the same time is also a PITA.

Otherwise it's not a bad gap as they are pretty much the same age so like the same things.

Maryann1975 · 02/01/2021 21:58

My eldest was 4.5 when I had newborn and one exactly in the middle. I was very routine based, I had to be as dc1 had just started school when I had dc3. I had a good sling and dc3 went in it as soon as she had her first morning feed. I don’t remember it being that bad, I think the first Christmas with 3 was a bit horrendous, but dc3 was still very tiny and we heavy snow that hung around for weeks, so very hard to get out (but had to do school runs and get toddler out to wear him out every day). We co slept so I could get more sleep.
All I can recommend is routine, for everything. Feeding routines, Daily routines, laundry routines, shopping routines. I might have been quite ordered And not very open to spontinaity, but I always knew what I was doing and nearly always had my shit together!

jessstan1 · 02/01/2021 22:00

I have a cousin who had three closer together than that but she did have a lot of help. Then she stopped.

Generally, when that close together, the third isn't planned. Far better to have three years between. However, if it happens it happens and people do manage, often quite well.

Einszwei · 02/01/2021 22:03

At one time my mother had a 6y, 4y, 2y and a newborn.
She said going from one to two kids was the hardest and then after having the third it all became much easier. We all turned out pretty well in the end!

twolittleboysonetiredmum · 02/01/2021 22:11

We’ve now got an 8.5, 7 and 5 year old so have pretty much got that gap
It is mental. I am way more shouty than I ever thought I would be. They never shut up and our house is a mess
However - they are a brilliant gap in terms of doing things as a family - the youngest just about keeps up with the older ones. Husband and I have a very equal partnership and we have no other help. Would really struggle if he wasn’t doing half of it. We both work full time too
I don’t regret it and the jump from 2-3 is tough but it’s brilliant. I always wanted a noisy bunch though. I wouldn’t want bigger gaps as it’s far easier they’re able to do many things together

I also run an awful lot and quite far to stay sane :)

Toomuchleopard · 02/01/2021 22:20

I had these same age gaps: girl 4, girl 2, boy newborn. In some ways it was easier than having the second as you are used to juggling and it’s just more juggling. However I can barely remember anything of no 3’s first year and we hardly have any photos. I can’t remember his first steps or first words.

Having said all that we love having 3 and they all get on well due to being close in age. When we go on holiday we can do all the same activities together and you get a decent length of time when they are all at the same school etc.

sweetkitty · 02/01/2021 22:34

I’m trying to think back
DD1 was almost 4 to the day when DD3 was born, DD2 was 2 1/2. DD3 was a very easy baby, your typical angel baby, she never cried was very happy just to watch everything that was going on. So much so the DH said that we couldn’t let her be the last, hence when she was 13 months I dropped some breastfeeds and got pregnant again. Then I had one aged 5 at school, one of 3 at nursery, one of 22 months and a newborn! There was just DH and I no family help at all, I don’t remember much about it, we just got on with it.

3 was no harder than 2 I remember that, my hardest child has always been DD2. I would go back to those years rather than have teenagers now though.

Doublechins · 02/01/2021 23:00

I had 4,3 and newborn.

2-3 was easier than 1-2. I'd already learned how to deal with more than one small person at a time. My 4 year old was in school and 3 year old did mornings at nursery so baby got some undivided attention. I did bedtimes separately for the older 2 so that they got some 1-2-1 time. I think you go with the flow more with number 3 so you don't feel as pressured to do everything 'right'.

Also saying I have 3 kids under 5 is a good excuse for lots of things 🤣

Doublechins · 02/01/2021 23:01

Oh and I went on to have another so obviously wasn't too traumatic 🤣

WombOfOnesOwn · 16/03/2021 07:11

I'm in the midst of this! The newborn's now 6 months, which means the 4 and 2 have become 5 and 3, but yes. We all adore the new addition, and the devoted attention of the older siblings has been wonderful for the baby. The older ones have had to begin to share a room and love it so far (we can afford to move houses in a few years when the novelty wears off).

The children have begun to ask for more babies, and my husband and I recently decided to try for #4 now, which would make for a 15 month age gap. I'm sure everyone will think we're absolutely absurd, but that does not dim my enthusiasm.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 16/03/2021 07:47

I would have gone for that age gap if I wanted 3, but as we hoped for 4 children, we paced ourselves a bit and had a 4 year age gap and then another two. It worked brilliantly for us and meant that it’s never been overwhelming, although it has its moments!

Pinchoftums · 16/03/2021 07:51

My three are now in the throes of puberty and I am perimenopausal so that's fun.

Pinchoftums · 16/03/2021 07:52

It is much more expensive as this are geared for families of 4.

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