Don't want partner being left alone with DD

[bethany19]

So I went to my partners mums house for Christmas yesterday (who didn't formally invite us may I add). She never wants to see DD so my partner is always forcing her on my DD. I don't like the way she interacts with DD, she claps her hands really loud to get her attention and will shout here and there and expects her to be behaving 'normal'. She hits her bum when she wants her attention and basically treats her like a dog. Anyway, my partners brother got a toy and lightly tapped her bum when my daughter was having a tantrum (she was very tired and throws herself on the floor). I said to my partner that she needs a nap, he then threw a strop because he wanted the little time they spend together to be fun. I don't even know what to make of him and his family, it's all very odd to me because I have a big loving family. My partner came to mine after and got the hump with my 5 year old niece because she kept coming in and out the room with her toys. He whispered 'for fuck sake' under his breath so I told him to leave. The more he does this it really puts me off of him and I consider splitting but then it worries me him having my daughter on his own. What would you do?

Leave. What are you getting out of this relationship other than a whole load of grief?

Wow. I think if you can't trust your partner with your dd that says it all really.

Him and his family sound just awful! Get rid of him. Yes he will get contact with your dd and I know you will worry about that, but it’s not a reason to stay with him.

You would both be far better off away from this man and his family. I'm totally serious.

His family sounds fucked up. Sounds like they don’t know how to interact with children.

Your child is obviously your main priority in life and I can therefore understand why you are questioning where to go from here, but I think you already know that your child deserves a better partner for you. Time to walk.

Yes he will get contact with your dd and I know you will worry about that, but it’s not a reason to stay with him.

I know people always say that it's not a reason to stay, but they can never offer any actual advice or concrete solutions to women in this situation. Being concerned about the safety and well-being of your child when you can no longer supervise contact is a massive issue and a massive reason why women stay in unsatisfying and even abusive relationships. Saying basically "just don't worry about it, it's not a reason to stay" doesn't help. If you're going to dismiss it, you need to offer some actual solutions. As someone with first hand experience of this, it's such a patronising and gaslighting thing to say to a woman who's worried about her kids, and legitimately so.

It's taken me a few years until I'm mentally in a position to leave my husband and the only reason has been because the kids were too young to leave with him. He's moving out very soon and if he bothers with the kids after he leaves (I'm hoping he doesn't really!) then i have mentally prepared myself for this. They are a little bit older now and will be able to communicate their needs and also be able to tell me if something has happened.

Your partner and his family sound like knobs and I would get myself into a position where I could be ok with him having your child. I would maybe limit it to day time only if I could. Unfortunately you won't have much choice in the matter if it was to go to court.