Age gap with 3 children
Maisiemoo88 · 20/12/2020 18:15
Very new to this group, this is my first post.
My husband and I are considering a third child. We have 2 girls - a 2 year old and a nearly 4 year old. My girls are really close and have just started playing together nicely. We are also starting to get some decent sleep after 4 years!
I'm worried if we go for a third, it would potentially be quite a big gap (would be at least 3 years to the youngest and almost 5 or more to the eldest) and the third would kind of be on their own, being so much younger.
I guess I'm just looking for experiences of anyone else who has been in this situation and how it has worked out. And anything else we need to consider? Are we being a bit mad to be thinking of going back to the baby stage when we're practically done with it?
August20 · 20/12/2020 18:18
I don't think 3 children in 5 or 6 years is unusual or a massive gap. Plenty of people have 'bonus babies' after 7-10 years (planned or not...!) which is a very different dynamic.
But having said that 2 is a very comfortable number. Lots of things in life just work well as a family of four. And everyone still fits in a car together as adults/teens (can be a squish with three teens in the backseat). And it's financially easier.
You're not mad to consider number 3 and it's not unusually late to have third. But two is also a great number!
Maisiemoo88 · 20/12/2020 18:30
Thanks for replying.
My other concern was finding activities when they are older that they will all like. Say when they're 8, 6 and e.g. 2.5. Would we constantly be doing one activity with the older girls and then something different with the younger one, or would he/she just be dragged along with what the older ones are doing. I'm finding the 'pull' of having a third quite strong but struggling with the practicalities
WithASpider · 20/12/2020 18:39
I have 2 DDs with a 20 month gap, then 4 years later had a DS. It's actually been really good. He's helped keep them a little bit innocent well into the jaded teen stage! They're now 17,15 and 11.
Narcos · 20/12/2020 18:40
I have 8, 7 and 4 year old and I would say in the last year or so we have been able to do most things as a family and activities that we tend to do are suitable for all the children. The older 2 are slightly closer but they are the same gender and into the same things. All 3 play all together well and also eldest/youngest play and middle/youngest depending on who is available and who wants to play! I find my middle enjoys having the younger one to play younger games with and also to be the older sibling to. We have loved adding an extra sibling and personality to the family. I would say things to think about are size of your car and bedrooms in your house and also holidays are trickier with 5 as you can't fit in most hotel rooms so have a more limited choice.
Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 20/12/2020 18:41
Dd was 2.9 when ds was born. Ds was 2.8 when ds was born. He was 14 months when ds arrived!
PotteringAlong · 20/12/2020 18:42
Mine are 9, 6 and 4. I have almost exactly 5 years between the biggest and the smallest, with a slightly bigger age gap between 1 and 2 than 2 and 3.
I love the smallest to bits and he’s made our life complete in a way it wasn’t before and it is undoubtedly much easier now than it was. But, if I knew then what I know now, I would have stopped at 2.
Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 20/12/2020 18:45
My kids are 8 and 5 and I’m currently expecting dc3. Tbh I would of liked to have my 3rd a couple of years ago but for various reasons it didn’t happen. I’m actually really excited for this age gap now!
Ohalrightthen · 20/12/2020 18:48
I'd find it hard to justify a 3rd child with the planet in the state it is tbh.
xyzandabc · 20/12/2020 18:50
I have 3 there is 23 months between 1 and 2 then exactly 3 years between 2 and 3. So 5 yrs between eldest and youngest.
They do get brought up differently.
When eldest was 7, others were 5 and 2. We were still happily going to soft play, park trips and farm parks and bedtime was 7/7.30.
When youngest was 7, others were 12 and 10. Then it was more like cinema, ice skating and skiing. Youngest never got to go to soft play age 7 as we'd outgrown it as a family. Also bedtime is more like 9/9.30.
Holidays, days out become more complicated usually have to pay for a family ticket, then an extra child ticket, sometimes need 2 rooms. When youngest was little you always had to factor in what they could/couldn't do/needed an adult to stay with them. Now the older 2 can go off on their own and we only have to watch youngest (nearly 9).
Cars are also a factor with needing 3 car seats.
3 is fun though and gets easier as the youngest gets older.
Maisiemoo88 · 20/12/2020 20:13
Some really helpful comments, thank you. I'm not sure what we're going to do but useful to have some opinions
BabyLlamaZen · 20/12/2020 20:16
Ohalrightthen · 20/12/2020 21:06
@BabyLlamaZen why ? Surely it's common sense to not exceed the replacement rate while the planet is dying?
BabyLlamaZen · 21/12/2020 12:05
[quote Ohalrightthen]@BabyLlamaZen why ? Surely it's common sense to not exceed the replacement rate while the planet is dying?[/quote]
There have been so many posts and articles about this. The populatuion is actually falling to worrying levels in certain parts of the world, including here. You couod argue it both ways. Clearly you don't have a desire to have children above all else in life. Good for you.
If you really want to help the planet you will reduce your footprint to almost zero and make sure you die before you need state support.
Hopefully op's child won't be around to have to deal with your care 👍
BabyLlamaZen · 21/12/2020 12:07
The attitude of today's children is more likely to support the planet and give humans the best future (unlike the number of meat eating plastic harboring millions of humans alive now).
Lilice · 21/12/2020 20:45
Mine are 7, 5 and 3 months old. I would have liked to have a smaller gap between the second and the third but it turned out quite well as the elder ones are at school so I feel like a FTM with my baby and able to give her all of my attention. My eldest loves her baby sister and reads her stories, plays with her, watches her if needed etc. They already have such a great bond despite the big age gap. Financially it hasn't been a big stretch as I already had one of each and kept all the clothes, I had also kept all the toys and the baby equipment. As to the activities, I cant really say yet as she's only 3 months old and with covid there isn't much to do anyway
Bruce2 · 02/01/2021 11:39
We have 5.5 years between 1st two then there will be 4.5 years between 2 & 3
So really 3 in 10.5 years. I prefer the bigger age gap as I probably couldn't have coped working full time and having 2 in nappies. I completely applaud people who can and am jealous of the kiddies all being best pals growing up.
Our girls are close, play well but I'm 100% sure they'd play better if only 2 years apart.
3rd due in March so we'll see how that dynamic works out!
Mamabearwhere · 18/01/2021 16:07
@Lilice I’ve just found out I’m expecting my 3rd and will have the exact same age as you. Glad to hear they’re doing well and bonding. I would have liked a smaller gap but after severe PPD after number 2 I just couldn’t face the thought of another baby. Really pleased it’s happened now but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous about the gap.
HomeTogether · 19/01/2021 08:11
I wouldn’t say that’s a large age gap at all, a pretty small age gap as your youngest is only 2 and your eldest is 3 (almost 4). I’d say it’s a nice age gap and nice that both you and your husband sound like you are both on the same page.
If it’s any help I’m currently expecting baby 3 in the spring and my eldest is 8 and youngest just turned 5. @Dinosaursdontgrowontrees we have the same gap! It is quite a gap but I feel positive about it as I know I’ll get more time with baby and the kids are independent in themselves. Im pretty sure I would have found 3 under 5 difficult. The kids are excited about it all and I’m not overly worried about the ‘negatives’ that are pointed out like getting bigger hotel rooms etc. They are all things you can find a way round if you want to have the third.
I was posted a similar post here to you before I made the decision to go for it and became so confused. I spend about 2 years considering a third. I spent so much time searching for posts looking for answers like someone would tell me what to do. If you do desire a third, and your main barrier is the age gap then I’d say you have nothing to worry about. Someone said in a post to me when I was worried about ‘going back to the baby stage’ said they didn’t see it as ‘going back’ they just loved their baby and didn’t see it that way at all. I guess we can all overthink these things when there is no right or wrong answer. Good luck with your decision.
RoseBud2016 · 19/01/2021 14:56
Your post has resonated with me so much, and you are absolutely right! I’ve been searching here for weeks trying to work out what to do for the best- third child or no third child (if we are in fact lucky enough) and your words have given me my answer. Thank you x
Lilice · 20/01/2021 23:14
Congratulations on your pregnancy @Mamabearwhere
The big gap is definitely an asset for us. My eldest is able to help me look after my baby and entertains her when im busy doing household chores, she loves playing with her. Im sure it will all work out for you, enjoy your pregnancy
Mishmased · 22/01/2021 13:04
@HomeTogether I'm due my third in the spring as well and my first will be 8 on Sunday and second is 5. Like you I absolutely cannot imagine life with 3 under 5 because mine simply never slept as babies, but I know people that do and love the gap.
@RoseBud2016 I was the same spent the last year thinking about it and decided to go for it then covid happened, waited a few months and decided to go ahead. With my age gaps we are able to fit 3 car seats into a 5 seater so no need for a bigger car and as has been said you find a way around holidays.
@Maisiemoo88 your kids are still very young so I wouldn't be worrying about age gaps as yours sound perfect.
I have always pictured 3 grown up kids and knew I would regret not having a third. If mine slept better maybe I would have had them sooner but that means I'll be trying to homeschool a 7 and 5 year old while trying to entertain a 2.5/3 year old and work 😳
Best of luck with your decision.
Reallyhadenough · 22/01/2021 13:09
My children are 23, 16, 14 and 4!! There has been pro's and con's with each age gap
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