How much money do you realistically need for 3-4 children?

[ABabyPanda]

Hello, I’m due DC3 and thinking of possibly a fourth at some point. I love having a family, I’m an only child so it’s completely uncharted territory and I really love being a parent!

I also work full time, I don’t think going part time is an option (again I’m getting the sinking feeling that’s not a good idea with more than 2 kids - feels selfish as most with large families have a SAHP). I want to progress my career & I’m doing fairly well at the moment.

I had the realisation the other day about how much it will cost when they are older. For now it’s fine, lots of hand me downs / second hand stuff, we have four bedrooms so enough space, the kids don’t want for anything. I worry they are too spoilt.

But then I got thinking - shit - school dinners? £10 a week, £40 a month for one child. That’s going to be £120 a month on school dinners with three children! I also thought regarding teenage things like driving lessons (so so expensive) - how will we afford to put three kids through that never mind four. University isn’t my main issue as there are loans & my kids may not even go - myself & their dad didn’t. They both have savings accounts which have around £60 per month added (2 grandparents + myself) so that’s something for when they are 18 but still, I want to be able to afford to help them.

How much do you earn as a family with 3/4 children? I don’t know why all of a sudden I’m getting scared but I think it’s because it’s now (nearly) a reality! Probably should have thought of this before...

For context, I earn 30k and my husband nearly 50k so we definitely aren’t low income but also aren’t rich.

Well you have a higher income than most families so I think you’ll be fine. You just have to adjust your spending to your circumstances - if you can’t afford to pay for school dinners, make sandwiches.

Watching with interest as im in a similar position and wondering how much realistically you need for 3 children (currently have 2)

All depends on the lifestyle you want for your family eg private schools, foreign holiday, expensive hobbies etc

And it's not just about money - it's about being able to facilitate things they want to do. I wanted my three to be able to do whatever they want which wasn't easy as two children often needed to be on different places at the same time and with work, on the rare occasion we had to miss someone's Assembley

I think in your shoes I'd carry on working full time as long as you can and save save save. Don't forget your pension too. I have two, eldest is 13 and have always worked full time. I have a buy to let which I fully intend to keep as potential for anything like future house deposit or wedding or as my own pension when kids left home. You are right to think about long term it will make things easier. You're fit and healthy now but you never know.

To put into context, I save 20% of my salary into my pension, about 10% in a shares ISA and overpay my mortgage by about £100 a month. All this savings add up over time. But its not always been like that. I found as they got older, actually expenses have been evi bigger.

It gets more expensive than just the school dinners. In senior school mine (3dc) spent £3-4 a day each on food, so £45-60 per week. Then £100 per week on music lessons (one lesson each), £30 on swimming lessons. Travel to and from college for eldest, about £20 per week. Two were in a drama group at £140 each per term.
Obviously a lot of this is optional.
Two of mine will be at uni at the same time, parental contribution is just under £5000 per year per student at your income level.

Feeding teenagers is also surprisingly expensive, lots of threads here about meal planning though

How long is a piece of string really? I don't think it matters too much about paying everything for them in the future eg driving lessons, uni, wedding, deposit but I would plan for a contribution. For me it's more the extra cost of holidays & house size so I would probably want at least 100k income for 3dc.

How old are your current kids? childcare is often a killer.

It depends entirely on how frugally you are prepared to live. It wouldn't suit me to worry about every penny. If I had to of course that's different. But I try not to make choices that would make that a necessity. A balance is the way to go if it's a matter of choice.

@Willow4987 it’s hard isn’t it. We decided on a third blind as we do have enough money, we have a big enough house (not sure for three teenagers but for three children yes) & now I’m getting ‘cold feet’ (not really but worrying).

@chopc definitely not private schools, we would ideally go on one foreign holiday a year but it’s not a given - never has with my DH’s shifts. It’s a really good point regarding time, that worries me. My children do 2 or 3 extra curricular activities a week, so if we have three that will probably need to go down, four it could be one each a week 🤷‍♀️ is that fair? Then again I’m an only child & did none as we didn’t have the money...

@CookieDoughKid yes, I’m hoping my salary will rise (covid kicked that option this year) and I can keep getting promotions. My pension etc is all good (I think jointly it’s 18% inc company contributions), I overpay my mortgage by £500 a month but I don’t really have many savings so that’s something I need to balance. Just hate ‘debt’ but appreciate mortgage is something I’ll have for the next 20 years! I don’t know if to set up a separate savings account now just for the children (in my name) & see how long I can hold off withdrawing. Even if it’s £10 a month going towards it’ll all add up, it’s the 10+ ages I’m worried about.

Mine are currently 5&3 so really don’t have anything expensive nor aware of it. Teenagers on the other hand

@TurkeyTrot oh gosh, yes that’s worrying. Lots to think about, my heart says a 4th but my head says no - 3 will be expensive enough.

@wozzerree childcare isn’t too bad as we have family & my husband works shifts so off during the day. My kids are in school now but at nursery it was £44 a day, twice a week. Not great but not breaking the bank. We don’t need after school care etc due to family/job so very lucky in that regard (for now).

I’m worried in in a false sense of security because they are so little but when they get to teenagers, it’s going to hit us like a ton of bricks. Again nothing we can do right now, but makes me think more seriously about a 4th as feel that’s pushing it. Even if I ‘want’ a 4th.

How do you pay for childcare now & with the new baby?

@Viviennemary you are right, I think my head says 3 children is more than enough, financially & the wider picture e.g. the world.
To be fair I could be done after my third but four seems a better number for them. Keep hearing about middle child syndrome etc. Also always saw myself with four, but also saw myself as a SAHM and I work full time so it’s just not fair - is it? So hard

@wozzerree no childcare now as my children and in nursery school (state) and reception. I can do the school run - my job is very flexible.
Baby is due shortly, I’ll be off for a year on mat leave. Then when I go back to work it’ll be twice a week (so £90 a week) & childcare vouchers so save some tax on that anyway.

Younger days aren’t really an issue, it’s 10+ that I’m thinking will be.

We have 3 kids, the expense started to bite around late primary age. These are the monthly extra curriculars, for example...
Swimming lessons x 3 - £75
Piano x 2 - £90
Riding x 2 - £160
Scouts x 2 - £20
Gym x 2 - £50
Football x 1 - £20
Obviously that’s all nice to have, not essentials. But gives you an idea!

We have 5 dc including 2 teens and live on about half of your salary. It depends what you are willing to spend less money on really.

Thankyou @borageforager that helps (not to self - do not get them into horses )

Think it’s currently for us swimming £40, football £10, drama £20. So really not too bad at all, which is my false sense of security!

We have four. All teenage boys. I am bowled over by how much food we get through. I don't buy anything pre prepared and our grocery bill (excluding booze) is about £210 a week. They just hoover up pretty much anything.

All at state school, no foreign holidays, not much technology.

However I don't think the cost is what you should be concerned about. Teenagers need a lot of emotional input at random points and it is important to make time for this. I've found finding the time has been at the expense of my work.

Wouldn't change it for the world.

@DownToTheSeaAgain mine are all boys and I expect if I was to have a fourth, they would be another boy! £210 a week is eye watering. I’m glad it’s worth it I really love my sons more than anything. That’s why I want more

Someone else has already said this but it's worth stressing:

the amount of student loan available is dependent on parental income

Currently the full maintenance loan is a bit over £9k, but only those with a household income under twenty-something thousand are eligible for this. The amount tapers off as income goes up until sixty-something thousand at which point the student can only have a loan of £4kish - so if you had a child studying now, you would be expected to fund them to the tune of about £5000 a year.

It's amazing how many higher-earners get to having children about to go to university before they realise this

@merryhouse thank-you, yes missed that. I had no idea! Having never been to university, I assumed you could just a loan for it all. It’s not a given that any will go to university (although of course I hope they do) but I just didn’t realise that it was a requirement to contribute...

We have three (big age gaps) on about £65000 a year between us both. We manage, could do with a bigger house but concentrating on overpaying mortgage until youngest is 3. Luckily none of the children are into designer clothing (yet). And smallest is still young enough to bulk buy off eBay for their clothes. None go without but I’m thankful for big age gaps as we don’t have two in the stage of (paying for) school dinners/secondary uniform costs/pocket money.

Mine all paid for their own driving lessons, with their income from their PT jobs.
Mine didn't get £60 savings a month

It all depends on what you choose to spend on them.
Sounds like you have plenty of disposable income - the very fact you are "overpaying the mortgage by £500 a month" means you have (at least) £500 a month every month you could spend on them if you wanted to - but it is about choice and balance in life.

You sound like you have plenty of money to be able to afford 4 dc if you want to, though you are grossly underestimating the cost of feeding teens lunch.

@ABabyPanda ok, you don't have high childcare bills. Some months we paid 1.5k for childcare for 2 even though i'm p/t so hopefully teens will be cheaper for us vs that period.

I think it depends whether you think you are a family that will do things. I mean like lots of extra curricular stuff, it’s not the cost it’s the time. My friend with 6 children regularly spends whole evenings driving from one place to another for various sports training. Saturdays can disappear as one has a match the other side of the country. It seems to be her major complaint (apart from food).
Just with your husband being on shift this will mostly fall to you.
Do you drive? You’ll need a car that fits 6 and remember baby seats can take up more than a seat sometimes.