Second child? I’m worried

[Mummabear26]

Hi all;
I have a beautiful Babba who is nearly 2. I love her so much, a new level of love I’ve never felt before, she is my world.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant.... at first I was happy, I’m not worried about the sleepless nights, I’m not worried financially.... but I am worried about my daughter. I’m so worried I’m going to push her aside (unintentionally) I’m worried about not being able to take her to the park as often, or take her on random days out, swimming, making messy play at home, I feel guilty I don’t see it possible to do this for the first few months when the new baby arrives! I don’t have a reliable support network either to be able to help. I don’t know what to do 💔

First of all Congratulations!
No worry! DS1was 1y5months when DS2 came to this world. Yes it was hard at the beginning hard for me emotionally as he rejected me after seen me breastfeeding DS2 and I suppose much more for him as we had a very special bond but I used to call him every time I breastfed and tell him I still love him and nothing will change that. It took him 2 months and one morning, instead of coming in my arms he went straight to DS2 and kissed him and so every morning. Lesson learned, since i found out i am pregnant with DS3 and till I went to hospital i told him i have a baby in my tummy and will go to hospital to take him out and will bring him home, but the baby will need to be breastfeed. He was 3 at the time but started to talk to the bump and was so excited when we came home with DS3 and if the baby cry he was just like "Mom come quickly he want breastmilk!"
Your daughter will be older and if you explain her that she will have a little brother or sister and whatever will be she/he will love her and play together, this way she will be prepared and react better. Also don't worry about spending time with her as you can read her books while breastfeeding, you can take the baby in the park while she plays there. Especially that the first months baby will mostly be asleep and hopefully she'll slowly get used to the baby.

Oh gorgot to say that DS2(2y) welcomed DS3 very differently, either because he wasn't so attached to me or because I told him in advance and also saw his older brother reaction. Now after 3 months I can say that i am more happy how DS2 react to baby than his older brother, if someone is looking/talking with the baby DS2 is ready to act like an eagle, doesn't let anyone to hold him say is his and mummy's

Please don't worry - it's wonderful. I fell pregnant with my second before my eldest had turned 1. Seeing them interact together together makes it all worthwhile. Logistically (parks, walks etc) you will figure it out! Put baby in a sling, you can breastfeed basically anywhere - or pop in a pushchair for their nap! Best of luck xx

Honestly, it is crap at first.

My two are similar age gap. I felt awful for having totally changed DD1's world when DD2 arrived. Our beautiful one-on-one relationship was put totally on the back-burner as i cared for DD2- I breastfed so it was all on me in terms of feeding, which was fine, but it meant way less time for DD1.

I mourned that loss in a way and felt that even though I loved DD2 I didn't love her as much as DD1 and I felt awful about that too. This, by the way, was mixed in with equal parts of being elated and happy and exhausted and tearful but generally grand really, and I had great support from DH and family thank goodness.

But I still felt shite about it all! At times!

BUT- DD1's relationship with DH blossomed as a result and so she really really didn't suffer. She had great attention , but just from the other parent more so for a while.
And then as DD2 grew I realised it wasn't that I loved DD1 more, it was just that toddlers are way better (IMHO) than newborns. DD2 emerged into toddlerhood and utterly immersed me in love, an absolutely equal love to the one I had and have for DD1.

And now I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old who go from killing each other to playing together like angels, to off the ball incidents that make me feel more referee than parent, to cooking up madcap mischief to unleash on DH and me and laughing like they'll never stop, but who are, genuinely, each other's best friends.

And^^ that's why I now realise that having number 2 is a long game. At first it's a bit shit, but ultimately it's so fricking amazing that I actually have tears in my eyes now thinking about how much I love them and how much they enrich our and each other's lives.

So in summary, own the guilt. It's just part of the process and it will be worth it!

Sorry for the sudden italics at the end there- not sure where they came from!