Confused about extending my family

[sophiepumpkin]

I’ve been wrestling with broodiness for a few months, I have one at school and one starting next year. I love the new baby stage and I love the idea of having 3 grown children. However I struggle day to day to cope with my two children. I recently (4 months ago) I stopped an antidepressant but I’m not sure I’m coping. I feel as if stopping the medication might have kyboshed any ideas of having another baby which I resent. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and struggle with mess, I don’t enjoy playing but I work hard at being the best mum I can. I’m 35 and I feel a bit lost, I don’t feel fulfilled in my career but I have hobbies I enjoy and love time to myself to practice them. I’m looking for an answer nobody can give I suppose but I’ve exhausted non committal family and friends 😂 My husband is supportive either way, with a leaning toward an easy life! Thoughts appreciated.

I think most Mothers love the new baby stage....it's not a reason to have more though. It doesn't sound like a good idea at all OP.

Sounds a bit bonkers if you find two tricky. Maybe wait until your second is at school next year and see how you feel x

You’re very much not in a position to have another child right now. You’re not coping as it is.

How old are you? Could you wait a couple of years to see what you think then?

Hi cocacola12 I’m 35. So I suppose I do have time, a little anyway!

Go back to the doctor about your anti depressants OP.

If you're not coping off your antidepressant then maybe you need to go back on it?

Another baby is the very last thing you need. Be reasonable.

Thanks for your comments. Constructive ones at least 😬 I’m taking a few months to see if I can manage without an antidepressant. I’m not rushing this decision, I can see this isn’t a great time.

I would definitely speak to your doctor regarding trying another AD, I think make that your priority and then see how you feel.
I had 2 close together and couldn’t have imagined ever having another - I had PND after my 2nd - but then as she got older and started school nursery we really longed to have another. My youngest was born just before my 2nd started school and it’s been great, there is 5 years between them. At 35 you definitely have a few years left to still extend your family.
Good luck x

Thanks for your comments. Constructive ones at least

As you helpfully point out...‘you’re not coping as it is’ kindness and helpful suggestions welcome with helping me come up with a plan! I am reaching out because I would like another child, I’m sure all mothers have periods or not coping. My mental health is a concern. I was hoping for positive comments and advice. Not negative suggestions with no positive suggestions.

As you helpfully point out...‘you’re not coping as it is’

Actually, you pointed out that you weren’t coping. Several times.

However I struggle day to day to cope with my two children.

I recently (4 months ago) I stopped an antidepressant but I’m not sure I’m coping

I’m a bit of a perfectionist and struggle with mess

I don’t enjoy playing

Your own words said you aren’t coping.

Using the words “struggle” and “not coping” so many times in such a short post suggests you aren’t currently managing. Which is exactly what I said. So yes, that means you aren’t in a position to have another baby. Anyone looking in on this situation can see that. You perhaps can’t see how obvious it is because you’re right in the middle of it.

Not negative suggestions with no positive suggestions

You didn’t get negative suggestions. You got the thoughts you asked for in your OP.

Thoughts appreciated.

People telling you it isn’t the time are doing you a favour because you clearly can’t see it for yourself. Another child will not improve your or your children’s life in any way and will almost certainly make it worse for all of you. No that isn’t the fluffy sentimental response you clearly want but it’s the response you, and your existing DC, need.

Your post screams out you shouldn't consider another child.

If you want another child because you like babies or want a purpose or feel like it would fill a void in your life then those are really bad reasons to have another child who will also move past the baby stage and go to school.

If your MH is fragile please don’t get pregnant for your own sake but also for the sake of your existing children. They need you to be there for them, to be healthy.

I’d urge you to go back to your GP. Did they recommend you come off the ADs or was that your decision? Either way it’s a bad idea just to stop and without a plan of action. You need support to cope with the here and now. Once your MH is stable then you can make a rational decision on whether to have a third child. Good luck.

I’m sure all mothers have periods or not coping

I'm pretty sure they don't, the fact that you say that suggests that your perception of motherhood isn't realistic and you're normalizing what you feel. I wouldn't suggest a 3rd child.

You seem to have an idealised idea about parenthood, while at the same time recognising it's hard work and frustrating. Having an additional child because of some future dream of 3 lovely adult children is an idealistic nonsense. You could end up with children that move to Australia or the other end of the country. I'm not sure you understand that the future isn't something you want, but something that happens regardless of what you want.

I don't think you are in the right place at the moment.

Yes but there’s a way to say something isn’t there. I’m clearly struggling with something, and also coming to terms with probably not having any more children. I hope in future when I feel better I can help someone who might be in this same or similar position.

What other way would you like people to say it isn’t a good idea for you to have a baby? People haven’t been rude here, they’ve responded honestly based on the information you’ve given. I’m not sure what else you wanted unless it was just for people to say “go for it- you’ll find a way to cope”?

Not at all. I appreciate the replies, and I think you’re right. Another baby won’t help things at the moment. I’m just a bit sensitive about it all, and sad