Always wanted large family, then PND happened...

[Kittythekitty]

Dh and I always wanted 4 kids (before kids), we had one and found parenting hard since she didn’t sleep properly until 2.5. Had second with a 2 year gap and was really hard! Found the whole thing super hard and suffered with PnD and anxiety. Had CBT after 18 months of silently suffering and feel 90% recovered most days..

I desperately want to try for another baby because my heart wants more, but I feel scared of getting pnd again and also afraid it will make me a horrible mum because I’ll be stressed out and not be as calm and loving as I should be. I have terrible days of stress with just two managing work and mum life so I can’t imagine having a baby in the mix on stress days.

Do I stop at 2 and be the best I can be for them or have more and risk being a shouty and stressed mum?

@Kittythekitty only you know the answer. How old are your other kids? You sound like me. I had a with eczema, allergies and reflux and it almost killed me. He slept for two hours at a time until he was almost two before sleeping for 6 hrs and we thought he had died. We figured a second cannot be as bad and it was slightly easier only because first was extremely tough. There's 2.5 years exactly between them and I knew I couldn't have another with the same gap. In that time we move 300km, new job, eldest started school and it was 2019. They're now 7 and 5 and I've been considering a third them covid kicked in. Decided to go ahead got pregnant but mc in June. Pregnant again now so we'll see. One thing though is depending on the age of your kids, family support, and you know you may have pnd so keep that in mind. Mine will be 8 and almost 6 when baby is born all going well and it will be very different to having 2 under 3 or 3 under 5.

There's no rule that says you have to be a calm, relaxed, by-the-book parent. Lower your self standards then re-assess.

If you want a big family and your heart is set on it, find ways to make it work. Maybe you will need help, maybe you'll have to have more regular 'you time' who knows.

Don't give up on your dream is all I'm saying.

Kittythekitty I relate to what you posted. How are you now? Have you made any decision yet? Could you ask your GP what prenatal MH supprt would be available if you did get pregnant again?

@Amidone I’ve realised I’ll never be 100% decided because I have this conversation with myself every single day. But ultimately I think the fact that I am thinking about it so much means I should go for it and have another or else I will regret it when it’s too late. It also doesn’t help that my older dd who is 6 keeps asking me for a baby. We will go ahead and try for one but I know what to prepare myself with this time (a cleaner, say yes to family’s help rather than try to do it all myself) and hopefully can prevent my mental health going crazy again. I probably will be less of a control freak when it comes to establishing a baby routine because that’s what made me so stressed last time. I just need a chill pill basically.

Good luck and I hope you make a decision too xx