Dividing the chores / responsibilities

[kemosabeimalone]

Just had third child; now a family of 5 with semi dependent parents. DS1 and DS2 are 11 and 9 respectively have mild SN and need a lot of encouragement to do things for themselves (our fault as parents I know and an issue that needs sorting).
My day’s have gone from busy to very full on and I’m ending the day with my head spinning and exhausted. My partner and I currently divide the chores as so but it feels like it needs a rework. I do lots of little things he does a few full on things. What areas can I pass on to him with not overburdening him? What can I get the kids doing that won’t be more stress than it’s worth to supervise?

My chores:
Family clothes Washing
drying clothes
putting clothes away
Tidying up ( boys do help in their areas)
Cooking and meal prep adults
Food shopping orders
Food shopping putting away
Cleaning house
Baby care - nappies
Baby care - meds ( eye drops and thrush meds 4x a day)
Baby care - feeds breast feeding
Baby care - putting down baby for naps (takes ages or doesn’t work and end up using sling)
Children meals planning (lots of food sensitivities)
Children schooling / supervising homework / holiday work
Cat care and feeding
Amazon order management sub and save
Children’s clothes and equipment orders ie new uniform
Music instrument practice
Business bookkeeping
Vat returns
Payroll
bedtime boys - showers / teeth
Most health appointments
Grand parent chores
Weeding and mowing lawn

His chores
Bins (daily inc nappy)
Waste disposal going to tip
Hedge trimming
Day job (Full on 9am - 7pm)
dIY fixing broken things around house
House renovation - decorating nursery at the moment on his own
Car maintenance
Locking up at night

As I am EBF it can look like I’m not doing very much at times but then it’s all go - don’t think my partner fully gets that!? Any tips for getting family to pitch in more gratefully recieved!

Just to add I am doing all night feeds so I HAVE to take at least one nap per day with baby or I start to feel unwell.

I have always found it easier to do fuller on jobs than the every day tasks, they drain the life out of me. So I think it’s perspective that whilst you feel you do little jobs you do a bloody lot of them!

I’d ask your husband to do the weeding/mowing the lawn. If some of the grand parent chores are for his parents then ask him to take more of those on or give to other family members.

For the children could you teach them how to put their clothes away properly and they do those tasks? Could the cat become something they can take care of with the food and water?

Can you afford a cleaner/ someone to do the ironing? What things can be shifted to the weekend where your partner may have more time to complete them? Can you pay somebody to do the book keeping etc?

Kids can fold and put away their own clothes. If they do it messily it is only them that suffer. They can take their dirty clothes to the laundry too. If they don't, they don't get washed and they're the only ones that miss out on wearing their favourite t shirt or whatever sooner. On days where you wash clothes they should take it in turns to help you with hanging clothes on the line and taking them off. If they're too short they can hand wet clothes or pegs to you so at least you don't have to bend down, and they can be given dry clothes to put in the basket. They can help to put food away when it arrives. They can also make their own lunches. Maybe encourage them to do it before they go to bed. You can keep a basket for lunch items in the pantry to choose from and a container in the fridge for sandwich ingredients. They should be able to do their musical instrument practice without nagging, tell them if they don't do it X days in a row you'll stop paying for lessons. If they don't want to do it badly enough to want to practice why should you pay.

Thank you for your replies Bunny and Tiger - really useful I’m going to try to start to incorporate them this week. Feel like we had a breakthrough today as DD napped in her bouncy chair for a good hour this morning which allowed me to sort out kitchen, get lunch and have a good tidy. Feel more on top of things now - having a rest with her upstairs which is lovely!

Also the kids should help you with cleaning the house!
If you have a dishwasher each week one can be in charge of making sure all dirty dishes are in and if full, putting in a tablet and turning it on. The other can be in charge of putting dishes away in the morning before school of they were washed the night before. If they are too short for high cupboards they can pile plates etc neatly on the bench for you to put in the cupboard next time you pass by.
If you don't have a dishwasher make them be on dish duty a few nights a week, say Friday and Saturday nights if you let them stay up a bit later then. They can do it together and work out amongst themselves who washes and who dries & puts away. If you have family movie night on those nights it could be a good motivator for them to get on and get it done as early as possible or else it is too close to their bedtime to start a movie and they miss out.
Other general cleaning - things like vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning bathrooms etc just leave it during the week. Either every weekend or every second weekend make it a cleaning day/morning on Saturday. Kids and adults draw chores out of a bucket. No one gets to go out and do something fun until their chore/s is/are done. 9 and 11 year olds can do plenty, they can clean bathrooms, vacuum, sweep kitchen floor, scrub kitchen surfaces, mop, etc. Just need to be taught.
Unfortunately getting kids to do chores means harder work in the short term until they can do it. But it will be worth it - you don't want a house with two entitled teenagers who don't lift a finger while you're also running around after a 3 or 4 year old as well. It isn't just for your benefit either, when they move out of home nobody is going to want to share a house with them if they are incapable of doing the simplest housekeeping tasks. And they won't magically start helping when they get to a particular age if they aren't made to