how old was you when you had your 4th

[chocolaxox]

I'm a young mum and just found out I'm expecting baby no 4 I didn't want another pregnancy after my 3rd and was always taking the pill, the baby's dad sees the children but isn't very finically stable towards them he pays me child Maintance but that isn't enough, if I needed money off of him he would give me it if he had it but it's just getting it off him that is problem what do you think I should do? I'm only early on in this pregnancy around 5-6 weeks my eldest is 5 in two weeks and my youngest has just turned 1 and my middle one is 3 and half, has anyone had children so close in age before and managed mentally and finically I get support and help from my mum when it's needed and always have professional help from health visitors etc if I need it but I just don't know what the best thing to do about this is anymore sorry for the rant but it's been praying on my mind and it's sending me mad I've got no one else close to to speak about this! I've not got much close friends that live nearby me either

Are you looking to decide on a termination? If so, it's important it's your decision either way - BPAS and Marie Stopes offer free phone counselling, I know from experience that it's calm, kind, totally unjudgmental and they don't push you in any direction.

To be clear, this pregnancy is by your ex? I have 4 with A 6 year gap between eldest and youngest and it can work well, but even with 2 incomes and savings it's bloody hard work a lot of the time, and really difficult to give them each enough attention. Personally I would not choose to bring another child into a chaotic situation with another very young child, but you might well have very different skills and support. You can make the best of whatever you decide.

@Stuckforthefourthtime

Are you looking to decide on a termination? If so, it's important it's your decision either way - BPAS and Marie Stopes offer free phone counselling, I know from experience that it's calm, kind, totally unjudgmental and they don't push you in any direction.

To be clear, this pregnancy is by your ex? I have 4 with A 6 year gap between eldest and youngest and it can work well, but even with 2 incomes and savings it's bloody hard work a lot of the time, and really difficult to give them each enough attention. Personally I would not choose to bring another child into a chaotic situation with another very young child, but you might well have very different skills and support. You can make the best of whatever you decide.

Hiya I've already spoken to Maria Stopes but as you can imagine it's very hard decision I'm still young myself but I know people that are a year or two older than me who have 4 children aged between 5 and 1 and they manage ok without no finical help from dad, my eldest child has autisim so it can be difficult with just her alone as she's unable to speak, I'm not saying my mind is fully yet with a termination but I don't know if I would cope having the 4th child my youngest has only just turned one so the youngest would be 17 months if I continued to have this one when the baby's born, my eldest would be 5 and middle would be 4 I'm good at saving money I always have been I've always got money to pay bills etc and whatever I need to put aside I can do

Would it be better for your 3 older children if you decided to terminate?

I had dc 4 at 24 with a 14 month gap. Their df was friggin useless.
No regrets..

Is this baby your ex partners?
I had my fourth at 25 I was married at the time and my ex had a good job and was a hands on dad but it was bloody hard. Hard but possible

@LovingLola

Would it be better for your 3 older children if you decided to terminate?

I don't know they don't know any different at the moment

@Sunnydayshereatlast

I had dc 4 at 24 with a 14 month gap. Their df was friggin useless. No regrets..

how did you do it? I would be 24 by the time I'd of had this one was you both married or do you get help finically from the dad etc? X

It sounds as if you will struggle financially and emotionally if you have this baby. That will impact your 3 children.

The pregnancy is unplanned.
You already need help to manage. You have a child with additional needs.
You never seem to have enough money.
You don’t seem to have a husband or partner just now.
You already have three children.

These are good and very genuine reasons for not bringing another baby into the world.
It’s great you can get help but four children is a lot of work.
You will have less time for the other children.
People say having lots of kids is not environmentally friendly too.

If it was me I’d be taking the pills and calling it a day. Plenty time to enlarge your family when you are older if your situation becomes more secure. There is no rush. You are young.

@LovingLola

It sounds as if you will struggle financially and emotionally if you have this baby. That will impact your 3 children.

No I won't struggle finically but obviously I get judged as it is for having 3 children at the age I am which is 23 people say I'm ruining the environment etc or I will have problems with my body later on in life, I understand that 4 children is a lot but i don't see why it bothers or concerns anyone else. I have 3 children who I don't struggle with financially or emotionally, every parent struggles I have done more especially with this lockdown and stuff but I just can't get my head around what or how it would be like with a 4th so close In age to my youngest they would be 19 months apart

Cms agreed between us. His family saw the dc when he had them so not often. Managed more than fine tbh...

but isn't very finically stable towards them he pays me child Maintance but that isn't enough, if I needed money off of him he would give me it if he had it but it's just getting it off him that is problem

So you don’t have enough money?
Look, it’s your life. Do what you think is best.

I had my 4th at 30 as a single parent, youngest was 2 oldest was 6. My parents have always been very supportive. I found the pregnancy hard (I found the whole situation mortifying if I’m being completely honest) but it all came together once DC was born.
FWIW (puts tin hat on) the younger parents I have known have done a great job, i think I did better when I was younger, I certainly had more energy.
Some of my friends are at the baby stage now (mid/late 30’s) and I honestly don’t know how they do it!

I have 3... But my middle is 2 this September the youngest will be 1 in August... 11 month age gap. I'm not going to lie, having them close in age is difficult. Yet, wonderful. In fact, it's the most wonderful thing I've ever done.

Please make sure your 110% certain at which ever option you choose.

@Elieza I agree

I would be terminating before I was 12 weeks if I were in your situation. Raising another child when you don't have a lot of money and the father isn't around will be hard. You have a choice.

I would be taking the tablets and enjoy raising the three I had.

I am very supportive of larger families, from what you describe here you sound like it would be very hard on your existing children to continue this pregnancy.