Bigger age gap pros?

[MumOfAToddler26]

DS is just 3. We always knew we didn't want 2 small children close in age.
Due to coronavirus we've had to re book our holiday we had planned for next May, so ideally now along with other factors (husband is in the middle of learning to become a pilot) we are looking at thinking about trying for baby number 2 from May 2021. This means DS will be 4 when we start trying, so who knows what age he will be once we get pregnant and have baby 2 he could be nearly 5 or even 6.
Something my friend once said always sticks in my mind about age gaps, aha has twins and a son who are 3 years age gap, and she said that anything bigger than that is a nightmare as they don't play together, aren't interested in the same things and on days out your trying to do things with a little one and the big one wants to do something else!
Can people with bigger age gaps tell me the good things about it?! I'd love to hear of anyone's personal experiences 😊 x

I have a 7 yr gap. (Ds2 was a surprise)
Has been fine. Not really had the sibling arguements or fights. Yes it was hard having to go back to sleepless nights but its not forever.
Exdh now has another dc so theres 19 years between our dc and his new dd.. he HAS found that hard.

Play together or fight like hell.
They wont be under 12 forever once teen and over their gap will be nothing.

Only one set of nursery fees and one set of university fees at a time?

Due number 2 in the next few weeks, DD is already 8.

I feel like DD will have had the best of being an only child plus the best of having a sibling.

DD is very excited and looking forward to being helpful.

There’ll be 9 years between my DC, same as DH and his brother. I’ve worried a lot about age gaps but honestly the pro’s are brilliant-one set of school fees, a helper, had 1:1 time with 1st born. Good luck

I think with you just having the two it will be fine. There are plenty of days out that support those sorts of age gaps. You will probably find that you'll split and take one each at times so that they can both do things they enjoy and that is a positive as then they get one on one time.

The thing about close in age siblings playing together and entertaining one another is a bit of a myth in my experience. They play but they also fight a lot and depending on personalities and interests don't always want to play the same things.

There are 5 1/2 years between DS1 and DS2 then 4 1/2 years between him and DD so ten years top to bottom. I couldn't recommend big gaps more, they are now 16-26 and get along like a house on fire (eldest doesn't live at home but is nearby). He often has his siblings to stay overnight at the weekends and they have fun together. No arguments, no jealousy because everyone has their place in the family and had lots of individual attention growing up. Yes, sometimes it was hard to find entertainment that suited all three when they were younger but it was never a big deal. Less financial pressure too, we only have one lot of school fees left now and obviously eldest is totally financially independent. Go for it.

Dd was 5 and 3 months when dd2 was born last year. My maternity leave has basically spanned her reception year at school do good for helping her to settle in. Obviously she has her moments but 99% of the time she understands why I can't always play 'right now'. She is also very gentle and is of the age where, if I need to nip to the loo, I won't be worried about leaving baby in the same room as her

Just to give a different perspective my dh hates the large age gap he shares with his brother. They have 5 years between them and nothing in common as didnt 'grow up' together. Dh says his brother was a little kid when he was a teenager and they weren't close and always blames the age gap and also would have liked a sibling to play with when he was a child. I guess everybody is different and on the flip side two siblings close in age may fight all the time so maybe a personality thing too!

I have three children with (coincidentally) 4.5 years between each of them (nearly 9 years oldest to youngest) it's been brilliant overall. What I loved is that the baby has roughly coincided with the older child starting school, so they have their own world opening up and I have lots of 1:1 time with the baby- almost like a firstborn again. Yes there's some fighting, but also lots of getting along and I feel the younger kids stop my eldest having to grow up too fast as they encourage her to play still.

My sister and I have almost 7 years between us and we are really close - now late 30's/ early 40's. I do think there are pros and cons to any age gap though, quite a lot is down to personality types I reckon. Good luck ❤️

Thanks for your replies everyone!
Willowtree81 did you find at all when your older children started school and a new baby came along they felt pushed out? Like they were being sent to school because a new baby had arrived? That's something that someone said to me once and has stuck in my mind 😫🤦🏻‍♀️ x

Well, no, luckily, first time around she started in Sept and baby was born in Oct half term so there was enough of a gap. Second time baby born a few months before school began so it's been good again. Maybe the thing is that time is much longer and slower for them, so even a gap of a few weeks between the two events (or less?) might mean that association isn't made.

One thing that affected our decision process to try for a bigger gap was a friend of a friend who is a child psychologist said that a 3 year gap minimum is good because at 3 the child starts looking out into the world more and less to the primary care giver, so it's easier to accept a sibling and that's been the case for us- no jealousy- more like the three (four this time) of us welcoming the new baby. (But, as I say, this is just one point and I've definitely seen advantages to having a smaller gap too.)

8 year gap between my kids.
Pros are:

• Finances had time to bounce back after years of nursery
• Had forgotten a bit how much it hurts to give birth
• baby DS adores his big sis. The bond is so beautiful, my now-toddler lights up when he sees my DD, tries to copy her and make her giggle. They play together so well, lots of rough and tumble. He loves watching her draw or play her piano. She loves reading to him, playing with toys or in the bath or paddling pool.

• DD has learned to be more patient, caring and helpful as a result of the new baby and there has been NO jealousy at all as she is mature enough to understand there is plenty of love to go round and also old enough to be able to play, read and watch tv without constant supervision

• effectively not spread as thin as a parent, as older DD is usually in school (ignoring covid lockdown). This means younger child has more of my attention than if my DD was more similar in age.

I haven't found a big problem with days out. Sure there is some compromise, but the baby tags along happily to things DD wants to do, and DD loves taking her baby brother places so she doesnt mind doing more juvenile activities again.

If we want to do something grown up with DD eg a trip to a theatre, or a canoe trip, then we simply have to split up so one parent stays with the toddler, or we get grandparents to babysit.

It's been a blessing having our little DS and I'm grateful for the age gap in many ways.

I have 3 and there is 6 years between all of them. 13, 7 and 1. Never planned that way just how happened and no 3 was a surprise but wouldn’t change it for world. My eldest 2 do argue occasionally but they all spend time with each other, hang out and play. There all pretty Similar. Yes eldest does like down time more now and house can be hectic but she has own space. Plus only ever been one set of childcare fees, we can afford school trips as only one at a time. There are things we can’t all do I.e cinema but that will come, But it is nice as make sure either myself and husband has one on one time individually which works well with gaps.