From 3 to 4 opinions please

[MURU]

Hi just after some advice at the moment we have 3 kids....

Boy 8
Girl 7
Boy 1

We are currently trying for baby number four for many reasons but the main one is that we want another one and that the youngest will have someone to grow up with. The first two are so close in age and quite a bit older it’s so nice they have each other growing up I want that for my youngest too

A few people I know who have had three children have always said that they wished they had had another one.

Financially we are secure and we have the room. So these issues will not hold us back.

Is it harder to go from 3 to 4?

Anyone have any opinions that we may find useful?

Thanks in advance

Everyone told me that once you get past 3 you hardly notice an extra one. I found it a huge jump though my last 2 are super close together though (13 months apart) which definitely made it harder and I also had a preschooler and a 9 year old.
There just seemed so much more of everything with a 4th - cleaning, washing, tidying just more....
Also something to thinking about is when they get older and things like homework it takes so long to get through the reading and other things...
Holidays are expensive no many places are geared up for families of six and going abroad is costs us a fair bit
Other than that it's great lockdown has actually been really good for us as a family the kids have all had someone to play with and it's been really good to slow down a bit as a family.

Thank you for your reply x

I actually had to check I didn't write this myself a year or so ago!
Currently pregnant with #4 and we are so excited. I also wanted a buddy for my youngest. Going from 2-3 was hardest for us so far, but I had a difficult baby so that might have been why x

@MamaFirst congratulations!

I have 3 children, and recently had a miscarriage. We'll be trying again for #4 soon. We just felt our family isn't done. I'm a little worried how I'll cope, especially on days my children are misbehaving a lot!

2 to 3 was the hardest. 3 to 4 very easy. Ours are in two batches as well - absolutely fabulous!

@threnody ah thank you so much! I feel the same way, like if I look forward in time I can picture Christmases and Sunday dinners with four children sat around the table. I'm sorry for your miscarriage, best of luck and Baby dust to you, moving forward!

@hanashaunt two batches seems to be the way to go! 😌😉 I have definitely learnt to love and appreciate the age gap down the middle.

• @hanasaunt sorry!

I have DCs aged 6&9 and recently miscarried twins. We are now TTC again and I have my fingers crossed for twins again as I think 2 pairs would be wonderful.

Thank you @MamaFirst.
Sorry for your loss @Chickoletta, fingers crossed for you.

Thank you all don't think you'll ever regret No 4 my minds made up anyway defo going to go ahead with it just wanted to make sure no one had some kind changing scenario for me😂 We too had a MC in beginning of May knew it was a MC before I even realised we were surprisingly pregnant but made me realise it was very wanted!!
Fingers crossed for us all xx

I have 4 but with big gaps between 1&2, 2&3 close together and big gap before number 4. I love it, I wish I'd squeezed another in between 3&4.

My hardest was going from 0-1. Everything else has been ok. #4 Is 10m old and I would kind of like another close in age to him (#3 is 8yrs older) but I'm nearly 41 and one of those people who will probably never feel done.

Agree definitely hardest going from 0-1! Such a shock! Now have 4 aged 11, 9, 5 and nearly 1. 4 kids, 4 miscarriages too. I love having four, it feels like a great big adventure, in a kind of famous five swallows and amazons kind of a way, a real team for adventures and play and lots of love. It's also complete chaos, the laundry never ends and the house is generally a bit out of control but I'd not have it any other way! Baby no4 is a delight and is adored by the others. Good luck x

mine are
16.5
12.5
5
2.5

I found 2-3 Hardest, not just as i had a 6 yr age gap between 2-3.
The housework seemed more and the laundry...the laundry is never ever ending.
#4 just seems to slot in and inceease the never ending laundry,honestly the worst bit!!
My 4 get on so, so great
Good luck

Depends on how much help you will get from your partner. Lockdown has made having 4 kids easier as husband home for bedtime !!!! As reading 4 kids stories and homework takes a lot of time ! But doing all 4 by yourself is really really hard. Constant slog.
Otherswise you have to take 4 kids to the doctors And everywhere you need to go you have to bring them with someone stropping to make it all more enjoyable haha
Probably drive a van or large vehicle
Holidays are very very expensive as generally need 2 hotel rooms (in order to get 6 people in and split between 2 rooms)
Not many people like to invite the family of 6 around !
It’s the constant cooking , cleaning sorting takes forever.
Every child takes extra effort - and 4th one massive leap ..... if you have help do it - no help it’s really really hard

I was in this position last year. My husband really wanted a 4th, I wasn’t so keen. I absolutely love children (and I’m one of 4) but I’m not a fan of pregnancy and have found number 3 hard work (poor sleeper). However I’m getting near 40 so I thought now it never. Like you I wanted a friend for no.3.

Number 4 was born at the start of lockdown so now I have 8,6,2 and 3month old and it is fab. No. 4 is an easy baby. No. 3 is still really hard work. Between a very slow pace of life with lockdown and no. 1 being at the age she can help it’s actually been much more fun than I ever imagined.

There will be more washing etc. but I don’t regret it. Good luck with your decision

I had mine very close together - four under five, it’s all just one big blur looking back (they are teenagers now). I found the fourth pregnancy very very hard - I was 43 and exhausted, but the fourth child himself was really easy. He was (still is) very laid back and just fitted into the chaos.

The hard thing going from 3 to 4 for me, as PP said, was the practicalities - we had to get a bigger car, “family tickets” never cater for our family, it’s trickier, and much more expensive, to find accommodation. My DH worked very long hours and was often away, so I always had to drag 4 kids with me wherever I went, but that didn’t bother me particularly. We are financially in a position for me to be a SAHP - I think that has made a massive difference to how easy it has been though.

I loved, and still love, the chaos and noise of it all - I do think you need to be able to embrace that! 3 didn’t feel finished to me, but after 4 I knew that was the right size for our family. I have never regretted it.