Granmothers

[akuk1983]

I need to have a rant 😪 we are 1 week off having our 3rd baby. There is a big age gap between our other children who are 14 and 12. My mom over the last 4 months has been very negative towards new baby with little digs and comments. But more recently started telling anyone who will listen how we are stupid and how she is not excited to meet baby etc 😪😪. I've not confronted her over this yet but my sister is also pregnant (12 weeks) and she is not getting the same reaction.... any help or advice on this pls.

Ignore her, and when she asks why tell her you heard she wasnt looking forward to meeting the baby so you wanted to give her plenty of space and respect her wishes.

My pram is at her place, should I collect it before hand? I don't think it will bother her my ignoring her 😬.

Yes, but I'd send someone else.

What's the backstory here, is the relationship generally good?

Not really, we are not close. She tends to favourite one over the other, this is now starting to appear in grandchildren too. Its like my children are an inconvenience to her. Especially the new one 🤣🤣

I'm sure she'll change once baby arrives and sees how cute it is. She is being ridiculous.

Posted before your second post. In that case try to reduce contact with her and accept she is not a very nice person.

Take pram and disengage from her. Doesn't sound like she will be much help

Yes, I think this is what I need to do. There has been numerous things but someone stopped me yesterday over the garden wall and made a comment saying are you excited for baby? So i said yes, and they said well your mother isn't. It's just not nice to hear, we both work etc so I don't know if she's negative thinking she has to help in child care etc. But my sister and her partner don't get the comments I get.

Does she have to help with childcare?

Not with the older 2, but she did when they were younger. I don't really need her help with this one due to dropping my hours.

Is she aware of that? Or is she perhaps thinking she's going to have to spend lots of time helping out?

She came down last week and basically said I'll help if you need it but don't really want it, she then made a comment about my mother in law who's excited and how she doesn't feel the same. I didn't really know what to say and didn't want to argue so I just changed the subject. It would be nice of her to help, but if she feels like this I don't think I'd want to send baby there anyway. I don't know if she's thinking she needs to have two because of my sister? I haven't confronted her because I don't want to argue but at the same time am finding it quite hurtful.

Would it help clear the air if you explicitly said you aren't expecting help?

Am not sure? I haven't mentioned it to her, am just finding her negative comments unhelpful and not wanted I have a week to go and just feel like its putting a dampener on it.

That's probably the issue tbh, she thinks she's going to have to provide free childcare again and isn't happy about it. Maybe clear that up and see if if gets better.

Whoever is coming to your garden wall and stirring up trouble between you and your mother sounds really fucking charming.

'Are you excited...? Well your mother isnt
!'...
who even goes around talking to people like that? Let alone pregnant women...and now you are upset and worried. It's really nasty.

Just put a big sign up saying 'no hawkers no shit stirrers!'

Yes maybe it is? It's just a rally selfish way of looking at it thou, she did help out with my others when they were little, she had them 1 day a week which I was grateful for. My sister has a 5 year old which she has 2 days a week, when my sister had her baby she then made such a fuss about collecting my older boys from school and we ended up having a fall out. I just don't need it at the mom

Read about narcissistic mothers and golden child and scapegoat. She sounds toxic and you need to have boundaries and keep low contact or go no contact.

🤣🤣 yes I should do, the fact is i know she has said it @Destroyedpeople because she has said it to others before and I've just let it slide.

Yes she shouldn't be talking about you like that....
Just keep her at arms length for now if you can and concentrate on yourselves . Try not to give her the head space.
And try not to to rely her on her for any childcare. Make your arrangements for that as though she didn't exist.

Yes this is what am going to do, I just feel like saying if you can't say nothing nice then don't say nothing at all. She's quite a controversial person and sometimes I think she says things for a reaction, but I can't be bothered with the drama as am getting older. I just feel like she goes out of her way to put a negative spin on situations 😪

That's really awful & hurtful OP.
I'm sorry your mum is treating you like this X

It's not your fault love, I am in just two minds whether to confront her or not 🙈🙉🙊

I think it's fair enough to tell your own mother that what she is saying hurts your feelings 🤷‍♀️

Just refuse to get into an argument about it with her.