With 3, is there always an odd one out?

[BabyLlamaZen]

For those with 3 or those who was one of 3. I keep being told it's a bad number for those reasons. Also what age gaps work best if so e.g. equal age gaps or one a lot younger or older.

Is this 'middle child' thing also a thing?

I found 3 a great number as it means there is someone to play with even when someone wants time to themselves! It was great when ds3 was born as ds1 and ds2 occupied each other whilst I was busy with ds3 and ds3 loved watching ds1 and ds2 play when I was busy cooking etc.

Three does have its challenges but I found 3 was easier than 2!

As they got older there was certainly a feel of embracing the chaos and (when not in lockdown) it is certainly hectic with all the different clubs etc.

I do love three though but it does depend on how things are going!

I don’t think there’s any age gap that’s guaranteed to work as it depends on the individual personalities and genders and how they fit together.

3 works great for us. Mine are 12 (G), almost 11 (B) and almost 6 (B). So sometimes the youngest is ‘left out’ because he’s that much younger and the movie / activity is a bit old for him but the other 2 never leave him out purposely and we always try to adapt things for him.
Right now the 2 boys are playing and the Dd is chilling, sometimes dd and youngest are playing, sometimes the older 2, sometimes all 3. It just always seems to work.

Personally I think ‘middle child syndrome’ is only a thing if parents make it a thing i.e. baby the youngest and are proud of the oldest. If you treat each child as an individual and are proud of all of them it shouldn’t be a thing. Sibling rivalry is normally fuelled by parents attitudes too.

I'm one of three and really disliked it. I will never have three. I was the youngest and only girl. My parents tried to compensate for middle child syndrome and shot themselves in the foot. We were born in 86, 89 and 92, so reasonably spaced out. Eldest and I always got on the best. Middle and eldest being boys meant I got left out the most. Middle child was always very jealous of me as the youngest and bullied me horrendously. Felt like my parents had given up caring as much about GCSEs etc by the time I got there too, but it meant I was and am a lot more independent than my brothers.

To be fair I wouldn't say my parents were great parents. I am sure there are parents of three who have managed it much more successfully.

I'm the eldest of 3, one sibling 4 years younger the other 10 years younger. I often felt lonely at certain points in my life especially after the age of 16. Maybe it was the age gap.

Weve got three very lose in age- the7re currently 3, 4 and 5 (nearly 6). 14 months difference then 18 months. Boy, girl, girl.
The older two really get on well and occasionally I feel like the youngest is left out but mostly I agree with a pp who said they always have someone to play with and we feel like a slightly chaotic team together where theres always someone available to play with.
Personally I feel a fourth would mean I wouldn't have the time to spend with each one they deserve and 3 feels right for us whereas 2 didn't

I've had a couple of wines but hopefully most of that made sense!

I’ve got three, 16, 14 and 4 and that has proved a challenge. We have a lovely house in a really good location but it isn’t exactly palatial. Also the age gap has its own problem , like trying to persuade one of them to share a bedroom with a 2 year old. In the end we had to convert the attic. Also teenage girls don’t have much in common with a 4 year old. That said I don’t have to fuss too much over the older girls so I can spend time with little one. I guess if the ages were closer then it would have be easier but junior wasn’t planned so I just had to make it all fit, as best I could.

In my experience it was almost always two against one.

Like the first reply, I'd say quite the opposite - there was still someone to annoy play with when one of them is out or wants some time to themselves.

Never come across this 'middle child thing' except on MN (dh is one of 3, we have 3, his brother has 3, my sister has 3 before we get on to friends).

Age gaps - there are pros and cons of larger and smaller age gaps, but I'd have thought fairly evenly spaced might be a bit better than one, then a big gap then 2, or 2 a big gap and then 1 in terms of one being left out a bit ??? Don't know, just pondering really. However, conceiving and giving birth at a planned time is not a science that many women have perfected. They tend to come along, or not come along according to that strict a timetable.

In my experience, yes. Not by parents, by siblings.
I'm one of 3, and I have 3. I am the eldest, 3 years between me and 2nd child, 14 months between 2nd and 3rd child. They have never really needed me and we now have very little contact.
Roughly 2 years between each of my 3. Eldest is left out. Not deliberately, 2nd and 3rd have more in common, but my heart aches for 1st child sometimes.

As the middle child of 3 yes it was crap.

Not the special first child, nor the baby of the family.

Definitely bottom of the pecking order.

I have boy age 13 girl age 12 and boy age 9.
Middle child syndrome - I think it helps that my middle child is opposite sex to the other 2 so she’s naturally got her own ‘thing’ going on

3 children
Pros
Always someone to play with
Always an outcome to a vote - never stalemate like there is with 2
Feels like a little tribe
Help each other out.
More chance of someone taking you in in your old age!!
More chance of grand kids!!

Cons
Nothing is ever set up for 3 kids, all holiday deals/accommodation is for 2 kids
Noise
Expensive
A lot more relationships to consider (2 kids is A+B and that’s it. 3 kids is A+B, A+C, B+C, and A+B+C)
Laundry - it’s never ending
Harder to find babysitter for 3

Age gap wise it’s best to have kids fairly close together. That way they grow up having the same experiences at the same time, and are part of the same ‘era’
DH is one of 3, him then his brother who is 3 yers younger and then his sister is 10 years younger. So when DH was a teen she was a small child, he left for uni when she was 8 and so has not lived with her since. When he was in his 20s ( travelling and then having kids) she was a teen. When she has been in her 20s he has been bringing up kids. She’s still nowhere near settling down so by the time she does and if she does have kids ours will be late teens/adults.
So they will always be at a different life stage than each other. Whereas me and my sister are 3 years apart and even though I started kids earlier her eldest is almost exactly the same age as my youngest so the kids have grown up together and so when we meet it’s easy to do things that suit all of us. Neither of us want to go out clubbing or fancy holidays etc.

3 worked just fine for us!

There are too many variables to say it's a good or bad thing. Age gaps, personalities, genders, parental favouritism etc.

Our middle child definitely gets less attention, but he also attracts more affection from everyone he meets and has more friends because of his sweet personality.

Two of ours are closer than the other one and play a lot more together, but he doesn't care because he prefers his own space.

I like having three!