Talk to me about 3 children.

[BergamotMouse]

Not sure if this is classed as larger family but not sure what topic is best.

DH and I were a little careless and had sex and used the withdrawal method pretty much at peak ovulation time. I'm now 7dpo and very tired (could just be looking after 2 kids during lockdown).

We're not planning on having a 3rd but having read about the failure rate of the withdrawal method feel I should mentally prepare.

So what's the good and the bad about having 3 kids?

3 isn't a large family, no, to me it's a normal size, I am one of three, I have nothing to compare it to obviously but my childhood was perfectly fine. The trouble with this sort of question is that everyone's experience is different and the fact that I have great siblings has no bearing on what your experience would be.

Sorry, I can't see how else to answer.

Im one of three and quite happy. I'm youngest so benefited from handmedowns. I think sometimes I'm closer to one sibling then at a different stage in life I draw back to the other. When my parents are gone (hopefully not for many years) I'm glad I will have both my siblings who share the memories of our childhood and our grandparents. Whilst we live far apart, I know if I arrived in the doorstep and said I need help they would be there for me. this isn't to say we don't fight, but the bond between us is stronger.

I'm pregnant with my 1st child and hope they get to have siblings.

3 is average. I have 4 . 3 just means new car usually!

I have 3 boys and my youngest is 5 months old. He loves watching his brothers ( 6 & 3 ) play. I would say 3 is just like having 2 it's not a massive jump although I do need 2 of them to share a room once my baby outgrows his crib. It's great fun having a bigger family :) good luck x

I have 4, number 3 was unplanned but I would 100% wouldn't change a thing.

Depending on the age of your others you may need a bigger car, however my younger 3 are 10,9 and 9m so we have a standard 5 seater as my eldest is an adult.

I am one of three and was very happy growing up with my siblings and still close to them now, and I can also tell you that having my third child was wonderful, the way she just slot into the family and had two older siblings (5 and 2) who absolutely adored her and were so excited to see her every day - that doesn’t change or hasn’t for us yet! Good luck!

Hi @BergamotMouse, no advice just to say I could have written your post! Currently 10dpo and I am sure I am pregnant with an unplanned 3rd. We have always been so careful with contraception but used the withdrawal method once, and didn't occur that it was around fertile time until a few days later. We are very happy with 2 and really don't want another but I also don't think I could go through with a termination. I haven't even had a positive test yet but my mind won't stop whirring and I'm feeling incredibly guilty for my 2 DC, especially my oldest who has been so patient with my youngster who has always been very demanding (although much easier now). I'm also worried about the financial impact, we'd manage but feel like it wouldn't be fair to my others as I wouldn't be able to give them the same opportunities if we were to have another. Would be very interested to hear from those with three and how they cope, especially if unplanned!

Wow anappleaday. That is the exact same situation!! How old are your other 2? We have a 3.5 year old and 18 month old. In some ways I think it could be easier than going 1-2. My 2 have just started to play together so at least they'd have each other to play with but it's just not what was in our plan. My 2nd is also very demanding, still breastfeeds all the time and not sure he'd be too pleased.

Anyway, it's all hypothetical at the moment. I swing from being sure I'm pregnant to be convinced it's all in my head. I'm about 9dpo. Tested this morning. Not sure if there's a line or a shadow or nothing at all. Will test again tomorrow.

I have 3, aged 13, 10 and 6. In general it’s fabulous. The house is always busy with people carrying out their various plans and projects. There’s a lot of laughing, some shouting, some squabbles but most of the time it’s great. They all have their own personality, opinions and ideas. I love watching them play together, and I love spending time with each of them.
Interestingly now is the most difficult time so far! A third baby was no problem, I knew what I was doing and she just slotted right in. And when they were small and all enjoyed farms/soft play/playgrounds it was no problem. But as they get older they have more hobbies/commitments and the oldest one is wanting his own time a bit more. Plus he needs quality 1:1 time, not just playing a with cars or a board game together.
I have been very grateful for all of them during lockdown. They have kept me and each other busy and I think they are less lonely than some of their friends.

@BergamotMouse mine are 4.5 and 2.5 and I feel life has just got easier and I have been really enjoying the next phase. We're done with nappies, youngest finally sleeps through (80% of the time anyway!) And they play really nicely together. I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to give 3 enough 1:1 attention and it would mean they'd have to miss out on things like clubs when they're older. On the other hand, I'm sure as adults it would be great - it seems like a long way off now but the majority of their life won't be childhood. I have one sibling, who I'm close to, but I always wished I had another growing up and I look at my friends now from bigger families and think that bond is amazing. I took a first response earlier and I can definitely see something but it is a real squinter and colourless so I don't know whether it's just an indent. The not knowing is the worst!

@Elisheva thanks for sharing your experience, really helpful. The older phase is exactly what I'm panicking about! Especially with all of the financial uncertainty at the moment.

Just a warning my no 3 turned out to be 3 & 4. 4 dc under 5 at one point!

We have 3 dc, I don’t think I’d consider us a large family.

There are more expenses to consider with 3, bigger car, family rooms on holidays, family tickets tend to be for 4 for attractions etc. There are X3 clubs, hobbies, activities. I had two into horses at the same time ££££.

However it’s so, so worth it. They are best friends, will always be able to lean on each other as adults, this is particularly important as our youngest is disabled and so will need support for the rest of their life, my older 2 argue over who youngest will live with 🤣.

This is so odd... I just came on here to write an almost identical thread. I have 2 DC & was perfectly happy just starting to enjoy them being slightly more independent (4 and nearly 2) then lockdown happened, boredom happened and similar to you pull out method happened & now I just found out I'm pregnant with number 3. I'm so upset as all I can feel is guilt on my older 2 that they won't get as much attention & guilt that my youngest would be the middle child. Middle child syndrome worries me so much as lots the middles I know as adults have issues! I really don't want this baby at the moment but don't know if I could terminate. Seems like there's a few of us in this situation!

I had surprise dc3 when the dds were 12 and 9. Not ideal. Its bloody hard work but dont know if the big age gap made it harder or easier. Having one at secondary school, one at primary school and one in childcare while i worked was hell.

I have three and love it apart from the cost of holidays and the spreading yourself too thin on activities ( none of which matter right now). I think a lots of sportsmen/ actors are only children as their parent had the time to focus on them.

So I do spread my self thin to give them lots of opportunities and experiences. I also hate the relentless washing.
But in lockdown having three has been fab. They are a little gang. Three is always a party.
I have boy girl boy so I am hoping middle child syndrome won’t be too much of an issue. My only daughter is my middle and she is obviously made to feel special because of that.
I grew up as one of two and we didn’t get on much and I longed for another sibling. I was jealous of my friends with their larger fun families. Think that is why I went for no 3.

I’m one of 3 and always enjoyed having more than one sibling, especially as an adult because we aren’t very close with our parents. I’m currently pregnant with DS2 and think I would plan for a third baby once I see what the transition from 1-2 is like.

I’ve heard a third child just slots in. Someone I know once said if only they could have their third child first parenting would have been easier from the start because you worry less about what you’re doing etc.

My 3 are 9, 7, and 5. When they get on, they get on brilliantly. They always have someone to play with. I’ve found homeschooling hard, dealing with 3 different ages, and they are bickering a lot. You need a bigger car, etc, After school clubs seem endless, and there is less one to one time with them; but I think the bond they have is priceless. There’s lots of mess but lots of fun. So there are pro’s and con’s. Our lives would be more straight forward with only two, but we wouldn’t be without our third, and I know we are very lucky.

@BergamotMouse did you test again?

I'm in a similar situation, except it was a full on drunken shag that went all the way rather than withdrawal. I thought it would be ok (the next morning) because it was cd17 and before I had my youngest, I was ovulating around cd13.

Anyway on further investigation it turns out last month my cycle was longer than my old cycles and based on last month's cycle, instead of being safe it was bang on ovulation day. I'm now on CD31, AF is 1-2 days late.

I took a test on Friday when I would have been 11 days post shag. It was a bfn or maybe a frer indent, with all my others I've had a decent line early on so I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.

Anyway I'm mainly posting because my finger is hovering over buying some more frer delivered by Amazon tomorrow, but I reckon by the time they arrive my period will be here. But if I don't order them, sods law says she'll keep me waiting a bit longer. So I thought posting here would help her on her way used to work when I was ttc, if I expressed hope in a post AF would appear.

Anyway good luck OP.

I tested again this morning but nothing to see. Think I'm about 10 dpo but my cycles are a bit all over the place since returning after breastfeeding so range from 27-33 days. I'm on the verge of becoming a testing maniac. I have about 10 internet cheapies in the cupboard from my last pregnancy so I keep thinking, oh, I'll just do another.

I hope you get answers soon! It's a long wait isn't it?

Thanks everyone for the stories about 3. It sounds like it can be a nice way to complete the family.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it all, something tells me I might be a little disappointed when AF arrives. Won't be able to persuade DH to actively try. I think he's planning on getting a vasectomy as soon as lockdown lifts

@bubblesandbeer sorry you've found yourself feeling this way too. How are you feeling now? I think it's the unplanned part that is what makes it so hard. After the initial panic I am starting to come round to the idea, I'm surprising myself by my excitement as my initial reaction was that I wouldn't be able to continue if I was pregnant. Funnily enough about the middle child thing - this is the exact reason my dh would like 3, he recited a load of really successful people who are all middle children- he thinks the middle child benefits most from being a 3! But I don't think there's a science to it, children are all so different and I think you just have to hope that siblings personalities compliment one another.

@BergamotMouse I have had another inconclusive test today. I was sure it was negative to begin with and although I felt relieved I was also really surprised to find myself a bit disappointed. Like you, we wouldn't actively try for another. DH has said he'd be happy if I was pregnant, but we both agree that it would be too much of a stretch financially. Todays test is now showing a very faint line but again has no colour. Seems like an evap but strange to have so many come out like this. The only times I've seen anything at all before is when I've been pregnant. Fingers crossed we all have answers soon.

@Anappleaday1 I'm ok thanks - my head is in a spin and I can't work out what I really want. I think I might need to have some sort of counselling session to work it out. I desperately don't want another child at the moment.. I find the age gap I have quite full on and this would be the same again. I get quite tearful and panicky at the thought of having to do it all again so soon. Having said that I always thought / had a feeling we would have 3 just not quite yet so I don't know if terminating would be the right thing, maybe this is what's meant to be.

Interesting to hear about positives of being a middle - that made me smile, Thankyou.

@BergamotMouse @Anappleaday1 I'm in exactly the same boat but not taken the test yet. My 2 are 3 and 4. Past toilet training and sleeping most of the night 🤦‍♀️

Good luck @Maggiemoothecoo @Anappleaday1 and @bubblesandbeer wishing you all the best with your decision. I can only echo that despite being a surprise my 3rd has brought a lot of joy.

Anyway my waiting is over AF arrived this morning, disappointingly after ordering some on Amazon.

My third was a surprise, but I really love having three now. The only thing that pisses me off is that obviously the logistics on the school run are a bit harder and I can't stand people with two kids over 5 who basically seem to think I'm a ditz just because I have three small children to wrestle in and out of the car/their clothes/carry the crap they take home from school. Of course I look harried!!

Glad to hear that No3 has brought joy to people's lives.

I took a test this morning and BNF. Got a bit of spotting so thought it was the start of AF. Felt a bit disappointed but popped my mooncup in, told my (now delighted) husband he could relax and got on with my day. I've just taken it out and it's empty. Now thinking it could be an implantation bleed (got with 1st 2) and back to thinking oh shit!!

This is after DH spent £30 on a giant bumper box of condoms!!