Best age gaps for 3 DC

[Goostacean]

Those who have 3 (or more I guess!), what do you think are the best age gaps? What’s been easiest/hardest?

I have 13 months between 1&2 and 4.5 years between 2&3
There is benefits to both. I couldn’t have had a 3rd anytime sooner, close she gaps are intense with 2 never mind 3! But my older 2 are kind of a ‘team’ as they are into the same ish things and activities. I think having a big gap between 2&3 is easiest all round, personally.

I will have similar gaps to the previous poster. I have 18m between DC 1 and 2, and then there will be 4.5 years between DC 2 & 3 when number 3 arrives later this year.

Although DC 1 and 2 now have similar routines and interests it was tough at the beginning and I don’t think I could do two young ones very close in age again.

I have 2.2 years between 1 & 2 and 3.2 years between 2 & 3.

I love it and it's perfect for us.

I think it depends on so many variables there’s no best answer!

My gaps were 3, 3 & 5 years which suited me - only 1 baby at a time, and later the older ones were a big help.

First 2 both girls, have always (generally) got along really well. Third was a boy, tended to feel/be left out as a child. Fourth also a boy but 5-year gap too big for a long time (& as adults they are very different people).

I have 3.5 years between 1 & 2 and 4.5 years between 2 & 3.

It has made them easier to manage on a day to day basis but I have been in the baby/toddler stage for 10 years now and it is exhausting.

Dc1 was a regular betwetter until after DC3 was born so we have been exhausted.

If I did it again, I would definitely look for a smaller gap.

Interesting. Thanks for your replies! We’ve got a 22 month gap, and I’m so far thinking I’d like a slightly larger one if we have another child (I’d like to, DH unsure, but youngest is 3mo). For example we’re about to potty train DC1, would have been easier to only have one in nappies at a time...

I've done two in nappies and then one newborn and two toilet trained.
I found two in nappies easier because the toilet trips were sometimes a nightmare with having to drag the baby along.

But its all apart of the chaos.
I wanted my three fairly close because I do not enjoy the baby stage and wanted it all over and done with ASAP.

I've got 19 months between first two. I've found it's quite hard. Next one will be just 4 year gap. I'm looking forward to it as dds more independent and will both be in school by time baby arrives (hopefully!!!)

I've got 2 years between 1 & 2 and 2.5 years between 2 & 3. Have to admit that it was really hard work as for a time I had 3 under 5!! That time is pretty much a blur! But now they older (youngest is 10) it's good. They get on relatively well and they can easily hang out with each other and find something to do.

I agree with GiantKittens - there are a lot of variables that can effect any age gap. For instance just a few weeks before I had DC2, we had moved house to a different city. I had to suddenly navigate my way around a new town, make new friends and start and settle DC1 at 18m at a nursery with a newborn too. I had also only recently passed my driving test and found driving independently in a new area stressful at first too. So I had quite a lot on my plate second time around which made the small gap tougher.

I have 2.5 years between dc1 and dc2, and dc2 and dc3. These are great gaps. Close enough to play and get on well, far enough apart not to compete. The eldest is now mid teens. All 3 have always got on brilliantly.

Has anyone had a bigger gap between first one and then subsequent siblings close together? By bigger I mean 3 years (so not that big at all).

Due to coronavirus I'm thinking of leaving it a bit longer after ds and then having 2 close together if possible later on.

I don't see this gap often so was curious about it. People I know with the third a lot younger, there have been issues which worried me.

@BabyLlamaZen ooh what sort of issues...? I was vaguely thinking 2y then 3y gap, but let’s see.

I have 3 dc 10 years, 2 years and last one is 4 months. They both have challenges youngest two can be hard when they both want something. Eldest can feel left out alot if it's a hard day. Eldest is great with the younger ones playing and helping when she wants to. If she wants peace she'll chill in her room. I like having a big gap over the small one.

I have 2.5 years between first two and then 4 between the 2nd and 3rd. This works for us, the first two are a pair and can play together and are old enough to understand a bit more that they can't always be prioritised, can follow instructions, be negotiated with etc. it was also nice to have time with the baby while the older two were at school - until recently of course! I think there will be difficult patches once the baby is more disruptive of what they are doing, or wants to join in and can't. But they adore him, so they can't wait for him to join their gang.

I have 2.5 years between dd1 & dd2, currently ttc baby number 3, if we're successful soon then there will be 3 yrs between dd2 & dc3 & dd1 will be almost 6.
The age gap has been great that dd1 can take care of herself, like going to the toilet etc, but the gap isn't too big so they're still really happy to play together.

I hope and pray dc3 doesn't take too long - it took 11 months first time, dd2 was only 3 months, and we're only 1 month in without success so far

I potty trained my toddler with a newborn. I'd planned to do it when I was pregnant but ds wasn't ready and I was huge, uncomfortable and not up to it. It paid off waiting and only took a few days. 2.8yr gap between mine and although hard I've found it ideal. I wouldnt want baby/toddler stage dragging on too long and woudlnt have wanted too small a gap either.

I had 3.5 years between the first 2 and a bit less than 2 years between the 2nd and third. It is fine. We are pretty experienced now so can cope with the smaller age gap in a way we couldn’t have if it had come earlier.

Personally though, I would have preferred slightly less of a gap between 1&2 (maybe 2.5 - 3 years), as now the gap between oldest and youngest is quite big.

I'll tell you what's not ideal - 20 months between your first and twins. Don't do it 😂

Just under 3yrs between first two, decided to try again quickly for no3 as no2 took as a while to conceive. Conceived when DS was 8m old, no3 turned out to be twins. DD was just 4 and DS 16m when the twins were born! 4 under 5 is tough but amazing at the same time!! Planning gaps doesn't always quite work out how you intend!! 🤣

Just came back to this thread... wow, that sounds absolutely crazy! Kudos to all the parents of multiples, I don’t know I would ever manage. 3 under 2 OR 4 under 5 is enough to make me think twice, wow!

@Goostacean I guess the risk is there for everyone, I'd never even considered it as no twins in the family. It's amazing, not a bad thing to happen at all but it does have its challenges when they're all little.

We have 21 months between DC1 and 2, and 33 between DC2 and 3. 21 months was hard which is why we left a bigger gal between DC2 and DC3.

I'm glad we had the first two close together.as although it was very hard for the first 6 months they are now great friends and 3.5 and 5.5. However, 33 months is definitely a much easier gap - DC2 was old enough to understand waiting for something because I was busy with the newborn.

The only other consideration is what your pregnancies are like, I had hyperemesis with DC3 for the first time. There is no way I would have coped if DC1 and DC2 had been any younger than they were.