To enjoy life now kids are older or go for number 4 and start again?

[outtnumbbered]

Husband and I are in our early 30’s. We have 3 dc, 13,10 & 4. We’ve got to the stage where all dc are independent and completely through the baby stage now. However, I can’t shake off that little feeling at the back of my mind of wanting a final addition! I don’t want to get to late 30’s and regret not trying again. Husband has always expressed his want for another baby but I’m not sure if we should just enjoy our lives together now and go on holidays as a couple, enjoy date nights etc. Housing and finances are fine too so on paper it all looks positive. Has anyone else had the dilemma of whether to have a final child or not?

Final dc had a 6 year gap...
No regrets. 2 ds's and they are very close and choose to still share a room at 5 +11!!

Personally I’d have another so that you have two sets of two similar in age, although the gap is a bit larger than ideal. My youngest is almost like an only child at times and would love a sibling closer in age.

My 3 are similar ages to yours, personally couldn't think of anything worse than another baby but that's just it, it's a personal choice not a social choice. Do what's right for you and your family not what was right for others.

Don't do it OP. My youngest is 5 this year. Eldest is 7. I couldn't think of anything worse than a new born now.

It's also a huge age gap between eldest and youngest. It's hard to entertain a toddler and teenager with the same things.

Go for it.

You still have quite a young one.

Don’t leave it til 40 then have regrets.

Thank you all. I wouldn’t want to leave it too much longer to avoid a huge age gap so probably start trying end of the year/next year. My teenager is into doing his own thing 80% of the time and that’s completely fine with me so no problems there - although he’d be more than welcome I’d he wanted to participate in whatever we had planned. I guess I just wonder if I should be enjoying my life now and doing all the things I said I’d want to do at this young age but now I’m here I just feel like someone is missing.

Don’t do it. You have 3, your eldest is 13. Do you really want to still be going to school for another 18 years, holidays with children for 18 years, babysitters for 15 years? Do you want to do Peppa Pig and GCSE’s at the same time?

Don’t just think about. Baby, think about having a dependent child so such a long time. Personally as 1 of 4 I don’t believe that you can give every child what they need, even or especially as an adult with 4 but that might just be me.

Will nobody think of the planet

My kids are around this stage and none of them want a new sibling. I think it's time to start thinking about the future, saving up for the teen years and university. My last pregnancy was really tough physically. What do your kids think? It affects them too.

3 was (more than) enough for me. But it's a very personal decision. I have a 3rd DC who is much younger than the others and it has been difficult finding holidays or activities to suit everyone. She has been more like an only child.

They get more and more expensive as they get older, culminating in the university years I guess.

In the last couple of years we have paid out roughly the following for TWO teenagers:

£4000 on private orthodontist work
£3500 on private tuition (and will be paying that again in the next year or two on dd2 as she approaches GCSEs)
£500 in private counselling
£3000 on school trips, DofE etc

On top of that, hundreds on gifts, clothes, new trainers etc! A bigger car for their long legs, and new bedroom furniture etc as their tastes and needs have changed. Plus more on food, petrol running them around, gym memberships...

They sound spoilt and I agree that not all kids have to have that much spent on them. We weren’t expecting to pay for braces, private tuition or counselling but life throws curveballs 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have to say that financially at least, I’m relieved we didn’t go for anymore.

I had my 4th at 34. Other DC we're aged 8 and under.
No regrets at all. I feel very ' done' now.

My other 3 are keen on another sibling, nobody has said they don’t want one. With all of them I have always considered life after the baby stage. It doesn’t bother me having to start again as such, I’m obviously looking forward to all the aspects of parenting again. As far as finances and education go, we already have savings accounts for all dc for university or whatever they need, we have good jobs and finances aren’t a problem. There’s a lot to consider though and I want to be completely sure about my decision as like a pp has said, a new addition affects everyone.

There's no right or wrong answer to this. It depends on your individual family. For us, I knew my fourth was definitely my last and we are all happy with that. I couldn't go through the baby and toddler stage again, but if you are all happy and have the financial resources, etc., to cope, then why not? It's a decision only you as a family can make.

My eldest is 15, youngest is 8! We've just decided to try for our last little one. Definitely no more after this one. I'm anxious about starting all over again but I think that I've wanted this for a few years a now and if i didn't try one last time I'd regret it. I'm 34 so we have decided to get straight to it! So we are on the first month ttc, I usually conceive really quickly, longest I was trying for my other children was 3 months so I'm hoping I don't have to wait too long (wishful thinking lol). Everyone's circumstances are different. What is the best for one family night not be for the next. So go with your own instinct, only you know what is best for your family xx

I should of said also, this will be my 5th. I only have 3 children at home tho unfortunately as we lost our eldest to cancer when he was 12. It's been hard deciding wether to try for one more as I didn't want to have a little one who never met their brother, but I do feel it's right and he would be happy with his new sibling and I'm sure he won't miss a second of him/her growing up xx