Pack mentality with siblings - how can I discourage this

[Pitaramus]

I have three boys, 8, 6 and 2. Individually or in pairs they are gentle delightful children. When all three get together they turn into a pack of puppies playfighting, climbing over furniture and generally trashing the house.

As soon as the older two get home from school the toddler gives them a momentary loving cuddle followed immediately by a war cry and then it all starts. I literally can’t cope and I don’t know how to discourage it.

The toddler is the ringleader but he doesn’t have great language skills, can’t understand consequences or any complex rules and so I have approached this by trying to get the older two to stop engaging with the playfighting and general rough and tumble. They’ve stopped dramatically dying when the toddler shoots them (I’ve long confiscated all the nerf guns so he’s shooting them with duplo) but other than that they can’t help but join in with him.

How do I make this stop? I love that they all want to play together, I just wish it didn’t involve trashing the house and injuring each other “by accident” every day.

I’m on my own from the time they get up until sometime after bedtime during the week and I have a job so I’m quite knackered. I have DH on the weekends.

Bumping in desperation!

This sounds hard! In some ways it seems to me that you need to find a way to cope with it in a contained way. Could you adapt a room in the house to be able to cope with the onslaught? (The toddlers room, maybe? If his toys then live downstairs and you get a thick rug for wrestling. Or an area in the middle or on one side of the living room). You could then let them have at it for, say 20 minutes after school (set a loud timer!) and then get them sat down for a snack and quieter activities.
It sounds like you need a bit more headspace yourself too, so it doesn't make you feel terrible. Can your DH look at his working patterns so he is home for pickup sometimes? A parent joining on would most likely make them all very happy indeed, and if he's not home til after bedtime, working a bit later on one or two nights in order to get home earlier once or twice a week could really help.
Three energetic young boys are not going to get any calmer for a while, but you need to stay sane.

I’m fine with it when it’s outdoors, it’s the winter that’s killing me! Argh!

Can you take them to a park or soft play after school? Or take the toddler out in the daytime to burn off some energy?
They sound like they have great fun together. At least they aren't fighting. How big is your house? A playroom would be ideal.

I have 4 boys and they sound very similar to yours. In fact my close friends with boys also experience similar. We used to have a no gun ban but it was futile, everything from Lego, to sticks to bananas and pencils became their gun. I’ve long given up on not letting them jump on the sofa and build fortes with my cushions. They are always up trees, building contraception’s of some sort and never use their climbing frame for its intended purpose. Now I’m embrace it. It’s exhausting. However, people always comment on oh well behaved the children are when we are out, they know the rules and I never have issues with them out and about it’s just at home they seem Ferrell. My main turning point was when I read Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. I can’t recommend it enough. X

Contraptions not contraception’s 🤣

What would you like them to do? (That sounds like I’m being rude. Sorry. I’m not!!)
Could the eldest and you start a who can build the biggest tower competition?
Make a den together?
Simple game?
Can you set something up and then gradually withdraw?

I'd just throw them in the garden with waterproofs and wellies

I'm with spider.
Garden and wellies

Contraceptions would have been of more use 9, 7 and 3 years ago 😃
Meet the older ones from school and take the whole gang to a park to run off the steam. Then go home. But not by car, cos they'll all have a little nap and get their second wind!

I had 6 x ds in a row!
Invest in some decent outdoor wear - remember it can be passed down. Park /woods /rain or shine. Best days out were fish and chips under a huge fur tree mid rainstorm and a bbq in woods in November!!
Never wrong weather just wrong clothes!!

We have a zip up cover on the trampoline and a space hopper for each child. So far no concussion. They've made up some game on the rolled out bed sofa involving smacking the crap out of each other with cushions too.

Every now and then I find a stash of guns, swords, sticks, rockets or other odd things they were previously using as weapons. The oldest is now 15...

Mine (all boys also) are the same ages and it is tough! Same as yours 121 they are lovely and calm but together...

I try and separate them tbh, send oldest to do homework in kitchen, then when he's finished send middle one upstairs to tidy his room etc. Dinner is the most difficult as they wind each other up and it becomes stressful.

So no real advice but you're not alone! Just on count down to spring!

Yep I'm 3 years ahead of you in ages and mine still do this. I reckon it will stop when they all move out!

Mine are 3 years ahead of uhoh2020 and it's still not stopped. We've had concussion, broken bones, bruises and are on first name terms with minor injuries.