Apologies if 3 is not considered a larger family - among my peers it certainly would be.
We have two DC, 5 and 1, both doing well, we own our own home and I've just had a payrise and am making enough to support us. DH's business (don't want to say what but it's a health niche he's done a lot of training for where there's high demand so as far as one can count on making a certain amount of money, we can assume he'll quickly be far out earning me) is expanding at a good steady pace.
We've been talking for months about a third. I'm 38, so if we're going to do it, we're going to do it within the next 18 months or not at all. We are both now decided that we would like to do it, so now comes the decision as to whether it would be a good idea.
Whether we want to do it isn't the issue, it's whether the impact on our lives would be worth it.
We have a great life right now. We could move on from the baby/toddler stage within the next couple of years and start having more adventures as a family as our DC get more capable. With two, I could keep working full-time and we'd have a very nice standard of living, plenty to save, plenty to have fun. (I say could because even if we don't have another one I'd like to go part-time to have more time for the DC, be less rushed and always "on." DH is supportive of whatever I want.) We're not people who are interested in a luxurious lifestyle, but I also don't want to be forever scrimping and saving. Luckily, DH's prospects are such that even with three we'd probably be fine, but it would be a more modest lifestyle, still all bills paid etc.
I suppose my question is really whether it's worth it.
If we have a third I really would have to drop to part-time, maybe even stay at home for a while. DH and I are agreed that it isn't feasible to do any more than we are, so we know we could not cope with both working full-time and having 3. I have a job that pays good but not spectacular money. Even with 2 in childcare, one in after-school care, I'd still out-earn those costs. Although once you throw in commuting costs, clothes for work and other costs of being time-poor like getting a cleaner I'd likely make only a modest profit on my work besides being much more stressed. DH needs to focus on building his business and has significant earning potential so it would be me to cut back, not him.
Anyone been in this position of making a "head" rather than "heart" decision about a third (or more?) I'm really torn between wanting more time with my DC (and one more DC) and knowing it will mean my career takes a back seat for a while. I value what I've worked to build up. It's a lot more than just a job, but if I got out for a while it wouldn't be an industry where I would just waltz back in.
And yet...