I have two beautiful girls aged 4 and 2. She and I always wanted 4 kids but after having two and realising how difficult raising kids are, never mind how expensive, we decided to “pause” baby planning. I had bad PND after dd2 and suffered in silence for 18 months until I eventually broke down. All I remember from those 18 months is thinking I can’t ever do this (this being going through newborn and sleepless nights again). So in my head I thought I was done at 2 but felt sad at that thought.
I eventually got therapy for my depression and anxiety and now feeling much much better. I’ve noticed whenever I hear other people especially those close to me who are pregnant I feel very jealous. Not in a horrible jealous way, I’m happy for them, but I can’t help feeling jealousy and wishing it was me.
Is that a sign that I’m not truly done with having kids? Will I regret not having anymore, especially once I’m older and my biological clock has ticked over?