Anyone have small gap, big gap, small gap??

[Bluemoon88]

Thinking ahead! There's 2.8years between dc1 and dc2. We've been talking about dc3 and for various reasons have decided to hold off ttc dc3 until the middle of next year. This means there will be around a 5 year gap between dc2 and dc3 (if things happen swiftly). I was thinking about dc4 (already lol!) and thinking it may make sense to have a smaller gap between dc3 and dc4 (by small I mean around 3 years btw which may not seem small to some). However I found the gap between dc1 and dc2 extremely hard, but maybe it's less difficult when you have 2 older helpful, more independent children as well? What are your opinions and experience of this please?

I have a dd 14, a ds 13 and ds 1.5 and (only just) pregnant with dc #5 (had mmc in April with dc#4)

I love both age gaps - the older two are brilliant together, they’re best friends (and arch nemesisis) and they adore their baby brother.

Will stop after this one, although would have more if we could afford to.

Thanks for the reply. I guess you're hoping for dc3 and dc5 to have that close relationship like your eldest 2 have. That's the main reason I'd want to do it as well. So the third isn't left out.

Not me, but one of my friends as a teen was the 2nd in a family like this. The gaps were about 2 years, then 6 years (might have been 8) and then 2 again. The oldest two were close, the younger two were too. And 25 years later they’re all close. All boys too.

Small gap for me 20 months 5 months and due my next March 2019

@bluemoon88 that’s a big part of it, yes.

my mum has 4 daughters - we’re 39, 37, 35 and then the youngest is 24. She said she has always felt like an only child as us older sisters are a generation ahead in terms of socialising, leaving home, getting married, having dc. Although we’re close (I get on better with her over my other sisters) she feels she missed out on a proper sibling relationship with us.

@TheHalfBloodPrincess Im so sorry to hear about your mmc in April as well! I can't even imagine how that must feel :(

That's exactly my thoughts on a larger gap between 2 and 3. If it was just 2dc's it's not so bad but when 2 are close in age and then the other isn't, they arnt going to be going through the same things together, whereas the others are.

Anyone else? :)

I have 3dc and I am due to have dc4 in 7 weeks. Ds1 is 12, dd 10, ds2 is 2 and a half and dc4 is a boy. The age gaps work well for us. I am looking forward to ds2 having a little playmate as sometimes he is a little disappointed when the older 2 go out with friends and he is left behind.

I have 4 DC and have that gap you asked about.

DS 11, DD 10, DD 3 (last week) and DS 15 months.

I love the way my family has worked out, for me I couldn't have hoped for better. I've got 2 of each and they're "paired up" in terms of age so they'll always have someone close to them

@ems137 when you had your youngest was it bit easier since you had older children that could help out a little?

@mercuryrising congrats on dc4! Sounds perfect :)

@ems137?

I have ds1 13, ds2 12, ds3 5 and ds4 2. The gap between ds1 and 2 is 17 months which was tough for the first 6 months and then I loved it. Gap between 2 and 3 was lovely as the older two were at school and it felt like having an only child again. I had chance to spend lots of quality time with him and also the older two. The gap between ds3 and 4 is the one I have found most difficult. They can't really play together yet as ds4 is too small, which frustrates ds3.

I'm one of 6 kids. I'm 30. My eldest sister is 46, then one at 44, a brother at 40, a sister at 37 and a 29 year old brother (there are literally 13 months between us. My mum pregnant when I was 4 months old. She must have been insane ha)

I can safely say the age gap was never an issue. For the bigger age gaps - my older sisters meant that I always had someone to speak to if I was too embarrassed to ask mum. They also saved me from some rather embarrassing trends when I thought they were cool enough to listen to!! Now that we're older - i agree with what @TheHalfBloodPrincess said - i do sometimes get resentful that they all go "do things" together and leave me out a little bit because they still think i'm the baby, but it's never a massive issue, just more an irritation that if it ever bothered me enough to raise it with them then i'd know they resolve.

My older brother is the reason I love sci fi and was a teenage mosher so we always had a good relationship - i've just bought my first house and it's on the road opposite his.

My younger brother and I were close growing up because we saw it as an "us vs them" situation when we thought the older ones were being too bossy ha. I had speech issues till I was 4 and he used to have to translate for me. Even now we have a good relationship. The only issues we ever had were really childish ones. I used to get into strops when he got things same time as I did without waiting the extra year (massive blow up when I got a phone at 13 and he got one at 12) and there was one Christmas over 20 years ago where I got a Gameboy and he didn't (he didn't ask for one) and I think he's still resentful now ha.

Honesty. I wouldn't worry about the age gaps. Whether they're big or small they'll fall into their own relationship with each other

Also - one of my sisters had 4 children who are now 14, 12, 10, 8.

She said that the gap between 1 and 2 was the hardest as number 1 was still so young and needed the attention, but after that it got so much easier because with 3 and 4 the older children could entertain themselves and the little one(s)