Sibling fighting - what is normal?

[JollyJollyJolly]

Looking for advice. I have three children - 8, 5 and 3 and find they are constantly fighting with each other, especially the younger two, both boys. It feels like they are always yelling and squabbling over something and I feel so embarrrassed about it. It’s got to the point that I don’t feel I want to go out in public with them because I feel like I’m a terrible mother who can’t control her children. We actually have pretty strict rules around the house about behaviour, manners etc and have pretty good routines with them.

I guess I want to know - what is normal with young children of these ages? How much fighting is normal?

I wish I knew!

I think if they can, at times, play with each other and enjoy each other’s company, then fighting is normal.

They are still very young, so I guess the younger two especially are struggling to control their emotions. Perhaps When a fight starts to escalate, split them apart and get them to concentrate on their breathing.

I have 4 dds, the fighting really does my head in. To complicate things, two of my dds have ASD, one is particularly challenging and this causes arguments in our house to become a lot more protracted.

Lots of fighting is normal. I don't know why. I'm a grandmother, and I will only ever have one dgc at a time cos I can't deal with the fighting.

Have you read the books;

"How to listen so kids will talk, and talk so kids will listen"

And

"Siblings without rivalry"

I found them really good at dealing with sibling issues. The younger 2 if they are fighting over stuff it's either enforcing taking turns or putting the stuff in time out!! Also mine had very little stuff that was theirs most toys etc belonged to no one.

I found the books good for explaining the dynamics behind the scenes and how to manage the underlying dynamics which reduced the fighting. Yours are in a habit now of gaining attention for fighting...

I have 3 and this week has been particularly bad; they haven't stopped arguing. I am realising that I have to leave them to sort out their squabbles a bit more and to try and pick my battles. 2 of mine clash more and I think I just need to try and keep them
apart.

I sometimes think 3 isn't the best number as someone always seems to be left out. I find it difficult to have 121 time with the children but will try and see if it makes a difference.

Thanks all. Really good to hear that it is relatively normal!I just find the fighting and squabbling so frustrating and I probably care too much about what other people think. I also need to realise that the fighting isn’t a reflection on me.

I’ll definitely check out those books, thank you for the recommendation.

I'm exactly the same, care far too much what people think! Had to shut the doors and windows today when the my youngest was kicking off!

OMG! I do that too! I love it when it’s winter and the windows stay shut!