Large families with teens.

[Babyroobs]

Can I be nosey and ask how much your teens do to help around the house? I have 4 teens aged 13-19. Eldest is going off to Uni soon so will be down to three. I am beyond exhausted - menopausal, joints aching totally shattered. I work 4 days most weeks and dh is full time. DH has his own health problems. I prioritise decent healthy meals and our dogs getting plenty of walks etc but housework is at the bottom of the list of priorities and to be honest the house is cluttered and sometimes dirty. I can sometimes do 3 or 4 loads of washing a day and the ironing pile is bottomless. I don't like asking my teens to do too much as one is going into GCSE year and one works two hours a day on top of college. Just wondering really how much help other teens give in the home and whether I should be asking they do more to help me keep on top of things.

Hi, I have 2 11 year olds (nearly 12), a 14 year old and a nearly 17 year old! I find keeping on top of the house work draining. We have had a few family chats over the last few weeks with it being the summer holidays, with me asking for more help from them, but it doesn't last long and they're back to leaving everything for me to do! I find myself looking at all the work that needs doing and wanting to curl up and never see it again. But then on the other hand I feel bad asking them
To help out. I feel it's my job to look after them and provide a clean home for them and like you say they have school/ college/ work to worry abt themselves. It's so difficult, but I have to remind myself I'm not their servant.

I have one at uni, 3 teens and a tween, plus youngest who's under 10.. They all have to help around the house to some extent. I don't think it's doing them any favours letting them grow up without practical skills - it's in their interests to be competent at looking after themselves and contributing some effort to running the home. However, the amount they do varies according to what they've got on and how much help I need. It's not a huge amount, but everyone does something.
Each person is in charge of doing their own laundry and putting it away, except I do whites & school uniform for everyone as it's more efficient that way. They have to wash their casual clothes and, obviously, sort out their own rooms. If their room is getting out of control I'll offer to work alongside them and help them sort it out.
Household jobs - mine get pocket money based on which jobs they do, with a higher rate for manky jobs that nobody likes!

At the moment -
Youngest (8) cleans the loo, because his aim is appalling and I hope it might focus his mind on how to stop it getting that bad.
11yo unloads the dishwasher and does cat litter (was keen to have 2 jobs as wants to earn more money)
13 yo. feeds dog, cleans car out and does some gardening (at a premium rate, for extra pocket money - he's good at it!)
15 yo babysits the youngest - is very good at it. Will mow lawn or clean car if younger sib hasn't nabbed the job first. Helps tidy away before dinner. Has lots of homework at the moment so he's not asked to do as much as he was last year.
18yo cooks dinner a couple of times a week, and will help pick up youngest from school if needed. Runs errands to shops. He doesn't make much mess so I don't lean on him to do much else. Takes care of pets if I'm out.
Uni student cooks once or twice a week when home, and means well - will do jobs when asked, with good humour. Helps in garden. Puts bins out.
Oldest two take turns cleaning the bathroom that they use, though they do need constant reminding to do it properly.

In the past we had a proper jobs rota with everyone taking turns vacuuming, unloading dishwasher etc. It was a good system but took a lot of management by me. HOwever, I thought it was important that they all took a turn at each job so they'd empathise more with whoever had to clean up and would hopefully make less mess. Not sure how well that bit worked .

Eldest has just gone to uni - I do not miss the absolute shambles she used to leave behind. She didn't lift a finger, and I mean wouldn't even take a cup into the kitchen despite us constantly asking. My other 2 teens are great, but I do have to ask, they very rarely do anything off their own backs - one is at college, the other at high school so I don't expect too much in term time. They are completely responsible for their rooms and getting their clothes in the wash/put away when clean, changing their beds etc. They both baby sit the younger 2 in school holidays when myself or dh cannot get the time off. It's a good balance now.

Mine don't do anything but I think it's time I give them all a task. Probably works better if one is responsible for the same thing, then there are no arguments about whose turn it is for x y or z?

Mine cooks dinner 2-3 times a week, does some laundry, cleans her room/bedding etc, shopping if I need stuff & babysitting when required (I pay her for this). Definitely less than I did at her age.

The cooking is a godsend though (she enjoys it, I don’t!).

We have a rota. This gets done by the children every day : hoover everything except bedrooms, feed pets, empty dishwasher, take out rubbish and recycling. One person doesn't do all of that in one day, they share the tasks according to the rota. They also change their own beds and clean out the pets. Most days one or two of them lay the table, at dinner time, hang up the washing or do a general tidy up if asked.

It’s so hard! This is the one thing I do not want to let go. Mine are 5, 4, 3 and 1. I think a lot about how to make them independent but I’m often so so tired I just do it myself rather than let them slowly, badly try to do it instead (cleaning up, getting drinks or toast etc). But I absolutely have to get them to do it themselves. I’m so sick of telling the 5 yr old to put his shoes/clothes/pjs away. And his plate to the sink etc. The 4 yr old does it with zero prompting! She’s amazing. Even notices the toilet roll needs refilling and does it without any fanfare. And feeds the cat if she’s miaowing near her bowl. The 3 yr old says no to everything but I won’t let her away with that much longer. But I refuse to find myself running around after all these people for the next 20 yrs. I want time and energy to focus on them, not to spend it being their slave.

Is this possible? Has anyone else achieved that sort of a cooperative home?

Honestly my 4 do very little! They are aged 17-12 and only the eldest will do anything at all. It's wrong to admit this but it's easier to not bother getting stressed out with the lack of help and DH & I do everything.
The eldest will occasionally tidy living room or kitchen which is a huge help.but that's the lot

My teens do almost nothing.
DD is too embarrassed to invite friends around... which I think is funny. She knows where the cleaning supplies are if she wants higher standards. My other teens aren't bothered & happy to be scruffs like me.

We never iron & rarely do >2 loads of laundry/day, so you're doing more than us. I don't want them doing laundry b/c DD would put barely 2 things in the machine at a time with 2 buckets of soap & interfere with us getting the laundry thru for everyone else. Just... NO.

My youngest (not yet teen) likes to do housework. Some kind of alien child.

I don’t know. I really think our job is to teach them how to do things, not to do them for them. Is that too black and white? That would then free me up to actually spend time enjoying them and doing fun stuff together.

I do all housework but I only work part time - I do however expect my children to pickup after themselves ( they are also still only young but I imagine as they get to teens the amount won't change much just the jobs they do if that makes sense as they will have more homework pressure etc!)

At the moment they keep on top of their bedrooms - make their own beds, bring drinks and any rubbish down, tidy away toys so I can hoover and every 4/5 months we will have a sort out of their rooms and a de clutter. Everything has a place and so it's much easier to keep on top of it! They also put their dishes in the sink or dishwasher, washing in the washing bin and take any toys upstairs when they have finished. Eldest will take out the recycling for me. They are 5,7 and 9!

As teens I would expect them to perhaps put on a wash as they see fit and also dishwasher, cook perhaps one night (they already cook with us but obv too small to do it independently!) and perhaps a couple of jobs on a weekend morning such as walk the dog or hoover downstairs. Really it takes me an hour a day to hoover the whole house, clean two bathrooms and tidy up, wipe down sides and put washing/dishwasher load on. I must admit I don't iron - iron as we go if we need it! When older and I am working more and earning more I will prob pay someone to do my ironing once a week and also perhaps to do the deep cleaning bits every couple of weeks but general day to day stuff we keep on top of as a family.