You know when you're done.....????

[NotAnotherHeffalump]

So my husband and I have been tying ourselves in knots about this for a while. We habe 3 DCs aged 9, 3 and 2. Went forward for adoption last year, essentially got passed form pillar to post for months, gave up and TTC instead. Lost baby #4 to MMC at 11 weeks (was devastated) in March. Took some time to process it all and to consider what to do next and....we don't know.

I love being pregnant (although will be different if we go again after the miscarriage, I'm sure), I actually even quite enjoy birth, love the newborn stage, but find age 1-2 a bit tricky. I know sticking with the 3 DCs we have would be easier, but I've always wanted a big family.
We have an adoption social worker coming out for a visit in a few days time. Sometimes I feel like I really want to be pregnant again, other times I feel that giving a home to a baby that doesn't have one is far more important.
Sometimes I just realise that things are getting much easier now that our youngest is over 2 and sleeps well, plays well by himself etc.
Does the urge to be pregnant/give birth/have more kids really go away when you reach whatever number is right for you? Or will I always feel I should have one more?

I always felt like I would always want more but after number 4 I am done. Number 4 is aged 4 now and neither of us have wanted more in that time. I do think some people will always feel it though and I think it can just go away too.

Sorry for you loss x

*your

Thanks mummyhaschangedherusername. Did you find 4 a big jump from 3? Lots of people say it's the easiest jump.

For me the urge hasn't gone. Stopped ttc after a mmc at 8 weeks age 45.
I have 11dc.

Well I did from 1 to 3 and that was a massive adjustment, I found it so so hard. However, adding on the 4th made no difference whatsoever other than the logistics of cars etc, the day to day really made no difference.

So Sorry for your loss april . 11 is a huge family, that's basically how many my husband is convinced we will end up with if I just give into the urge to have more

Do you drive April? What type of car do you have, just out of curiosity.

That's very reassuring mummy. I do think my 3 and 2 yo would really dote on a wee baby.

I have a Mazda 2!!
And a grand scenic!!
6 dc under 17 at home.
Adult dc have their own cars now!
Always a convoy on days out!

We tried for a fourth for a few months last year and didn't conceive. I think we tried for 6 months before I completely changed my mind to the point that I would now be devastated to be pregnant again.

For me, the real issue was that my 3rd was 2/3/4 at the time and I found myself struggling to let go of The baby years and my kids getting older.
I knew it wasn't practical or sensible to have a 4th baby.

As well as that, DS was actually diagnosed with some mild albeit relatively serious health issue shortly after.

I understand that for you, it must be much harder to make a decision after a miscarriage.

How old are you? Do you have time on your side?

I'm 28, but I'd rather have another sooner rather than later, as I do enjoy a slightly older family and being able to do things like the cinema, relax a bit more on holidays etc. I feel like we are starting to emerge from the baby years now so now is a good time. I wouldn't want another gap like the one between DS1 a d DD1 - 6 years.

I always wanted 4 and had my 4th six weeks ago! Did not feel "done" after 1, 2 and 3, but now definitely feel done, and ready to clear out the baby stuff once it's finished with.

I love having 4 and so far, it doesn't feel more difficult than having 3, apart from that one is a newborn obviously. I feel that I can give the four of them the time and emotional input that they need, but that to have another would start to compromise that. Not judging those who have more, just that this is what works for us.

I had a MMC before this pregnancy - very sad at the time, but I don't dwell on that sadness any more.

littlecabbage I'm a bit jealous

If you're jealous I'd say there's your answer... I'd go for it

Congratulations littlecabbage

@Annabelle4 Thank you 😊

OP, I think an even number is better than an odd one.....😁