Wanting a third child
nina19877 · 25/05/2018 12:40
I have 2 children already, 9 and 2. Both boys. I would love to try for another baby next year. Fingers crossed a girl but would be happy either way. My dp already has 2 girls from a previous relationship aged 13 and 15, then the two boys are ours. The girls come to stay with us weekends. Since a few months ago i have been open about wanting to try for another baby next year and he never said no (never said yes either) well today we saw a new baby in the supermarket and i made a comment about how cute and that i cant wait for out next baby and he told me he doesnt want any more. I felt really sad when he said that. Financially and space wise we will be comfortable to have another baby. I love my children and im a great mum to all four but feel ive got love for one more to complete our family. I gave up work after my second to be a sahm so i do the majority of the child care, school runs, appointments. Anybone else been in similar situation where partner doesnt want anymore and you do?
Ellasshitholekitchenpjpiigp · 25/05/2018 12:59
I’m expecting my 3rd Dc. Our DDs are 8 and 4. We thought we were done, I started getting broody when my youngest started school so I said to my dh I think I want another, his response was, “well we’re not getting any younger” so I took that as my green light and stopped the pill... was pregnant the following month 😬 we were in shock to start with but quickly both happy and excited soon after. My view is where in the mids of family life so it’s not going to impact or change things really. My DDs are on count down now bless them.
One thing that has always stuck in my head was a quote from Vanessa Feltz when asked if she had any regrets (which the interviewer was getting at some of her previous antics), her response was she wished she had not listened to people and had a 3rd DC!
LupinsNotBluebells · 25/05/2018 13:01
How old are you / your DP OP? We will have a similar age gap to you (baby due this summer, older DC will be 9), and even with just the 2 there are days I think we're mad to be doing the baby thing again. Both DH and I are over 40 though, which may have a bearing on this.
You have 2 children, your DP has 4, from 15 to 2 years of age. Can I see why he doesn't want a 5th, and why he doesn't want a baby and a toddler and a primary and a secondary child and one heading for 6th form / FE? Yes, I can. Sorry OP.
My DH would have loved a 3rd, but it took too long to get a 2nd so realistically this is our lot. I can see how hard this must be for you OP but he's in a different position to you.
nina19877 · 25/05/2018 13:28
Im 30 dp is 33. I do understand why he's done at 4 but i think i will resent him and regret it if i dont have a third
Theshittyendofthestick · 25/05/2018 13:37
I wanted another one (already have 3) but DH didn't so I gave up on the idea. We would have had enough money and space but if I'd gone ahead against his wishes it wouldn't have ended well and probably would have caused a lot of stress and tension - not the feelings you want when welcoming a new baby.
I was really gutted about it for quite a while but over time, I've come to realise how lucky I am to have the family I've got and that urgent sense of broodiness has gone.
LupinsNotBluebells · 25/05/2018 13:56
OP, both parties have to want a baby OP. However disappointing it is, you do know that. The relationship board on here is full of people poiting out that "when someone tells you who they are, listen". Your husband is telling you who he is. He doesn't want a 5th child. How you cope with that is where you need to move on to; it's not fair for you to resent him for being honest with how he feels.
nina19877 · 25/05/2018 13:59
It's not until next year that i want to try (want ds to at least be in nursery when/if potential baby number 3 comes) so hopefully by then i can change his mind if he still doesn't want another then i think ill just have to come to terms with it as wouldnt want to have another baby that only one parent 'wanted'. Thanks for all your responses x
crayoladreamz · 25/05/2018 14:03
I have to say I wouldn't want a 5th child either. I have 3 and it's a lot. your DH has FOUR (as you know, obviously!) so I really can see that 5 is not appealing to him.
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