Is three really a magic number?!

[LittleTipple]

Hello, I posted on another topic thread, but had no response, so hopefully you guys will help me decide! I’m driving myself mad by thinking about having a third child. I have DS1 age 3 and DS2 age 1.

I’m now a SAHM which I really enjoy. DS1 was a huge shock to the system, but DS2 has fitted in brilliantly and I find the day-to-day very manageable. My heart tells me I’m not ready to leave the baby days behind and the thought of a busy, fun family is appealing (in theory)! However, I’m very concerned that adding number three could throw us into chaos and make my very manageable life extremely challenging. I think we’d cope with the baby stage, but what’s it like splitting yourself across three children through school, holidays and teenage years? With two, I know my husband and I can take a child each for activities, homework or just to talk, but how does it work when there’s an extra one?! My sons get on very well at the moment and I really want them to be close as they get older. I also want them to have all the attention they need from us and to travel together etc. How much more difficult is this with 3?

Please share your experiences and help me make up my mind! My husband is supportive either way, but I spend every day thinking about it, as I’m 37 and the clocks ticking...

Well I could have written this myself and now I have 3 with my youngest 8 months. I am now lurking on the board and googling 'number 4?' Which I didn't expect!! 😂
I've loved having 3 though and the pregnancy, birth and baby stage has been easier than I anticipated. I guess it won't be the case for everyone but I'm soooo glad we went for it.
One thing that I've really noticed which I wasn't expecting is that we do spend more one on one time now with our children. When we had two they were always grouped together, and I notice people with 2 do this. One of us would have a break or we would take them both out somewhere but with 3 we often split up and do different combinations which means the other person often gets one on one time (but not much own time.)
I find I'm busier but also more organised and I let things go more (the things that aren't important) I'm far more relaxed, in a good way.
I love having 3 🙂 My 3rd is a really easy baby though and isn't walking yet!!

Three was hard at times but wonderful, and I'm now expecting a fourth! I did have the first three quite close together, but they're a lovely little team. When number 3 was a baby, things were pretty straightforward as she just came along with everything we were doing. It was much easier going from 2-3 than 1-2 imo. It was a bit tricky when number 3 was on the go and needed chasing around but I still didn't let that hold me back and still took them on days out etc.

Yes, life would be easier if you stuck at 2 and obviously nobody has a crystal ball to predict if everything will be ok with 3, but if you and your husband have that feeling of not being "done" yet, I don't think it will ever leave you and you may feel regret in the future that you didn't go for a third!

Oh- I will say though, that the mess and laundry have increased exponentially.

As a mum of 3 girls I would say the baby/younger days are easy. It's as they start getting older it's harder and more expensive. Everything is only designed for a family of 4, eating out holidays etc I would change anything but I don't encourage 3 when I'm asked by friends

Thanks for the responses everyone. I am leaning towards going for it, as I don’t want any future regrets. I know I’d love them to death, even if life got a lot harder! Love the thought of a little tribe 😊

We have a tribe of 3. DD2 was a very easy baby so we reckoned we were experts. Then we had DS who exploded into our lives early, has regular hospital visits (asthma, probably a combination of genetics and being slightly premature) and is a ball of energy (and his DSis are hardly shy retiring types). We love having 3 but it is a lot of work, a lot of organisation and a lot of chaos.

Well I hope it is as I'm currently pg with surprise baby no 3.
I veer between excitement at the thought of a little gang to sheer terror as to how I will cope!!!
But even though it wasn't planned I'm overall happy and while things might be a bit trickier I like to think we will be a happy noisy loving family!

I have 7 ages are 16 down to 6 months, I love our huge family keeps me busy, the house is always full of extra kids which is great. They are expensive dh works long hours providing for us all but we wouldn't change it I'd have more but unfortunately our home is full, only 3 bedrooms but we manage perfectly.

Countfosco I do worry about what a third will bring. My two are fairly chilled and touch wood, they are both healthy, with no allergies etc. I almost feel like I’d be pushing my luck to add another one. x

littlepooch - I’m sure you will be very happy (if a bit tired)! I almost wish the decision was taken out of my hands, but know I’m lucky to have the chance of a third. x

Squishymuffin I bow down to you! I know I couldn’t cope with that many, but it makes three seem a lot more manageable! x

We have 3 little ones ages 2-5, and also my DH has an older boy. As someone said already it’s easier to do 1 on 1 in some respects as the other 2 can play together when I’m doing homework etc. Mine can play beautifully together (and fight too) and the youngest is really lucky because she has 2 siblings who take care of her and help her. They show her how to play and do things like the slide/scooter/football/jigsaws and it makes my heart melt. The older 2 are very independent, they have been encouraged to be because I can’t be everywhere at once. So yes it has forced them to grow up a bit earlier than their peers, and yes we can’t afford to be materialistic, but it has meant they have to learn the value of things, to play by themselves and take turns and share. So I think it’s had a positive impact on them. However you’ve got to be pretty organised, dedicated to ensure you do give each child the love and time they deserve especially for things like reading and homework. You need a bigger car and home and you have to factor in costs of when baby is a Child and also wants to go swimming lessons and clubs etc as the Costs are now threefold!

We have three and I would not change that however it does add to the complexity. There are many many pros but here are some cons

Holidays - a lot are set up for a family of 4 and it reduces choice with a family of 5

Cars - very few have room for 3 across the back so again limited on choice

Clubs and activities - trying to fit in three lots of everything (football, scouts, etc) is tricky I never seen to have an evening free

Homework and reading - again fitting in three lots is tricky

Childcare - more expensive and in an emergency very few friends would take on all three at once so you have to share them out!

Emotional - the baby, toddler and child years are busy physically but the teenage years are hard emotionally

Saying all of that I do not regret having three but find that I do feel ‘stretched’

lorisparkle these are the things that concern me. Think I have an idealistic view of big family life, but not sure I’d cope with the reality! x

I have 3 and it's the perfect number for me. I wouldn't have another as I feel it would rock things too much but we are great as we are. It's completely up to you :)

Thanks for starting this thread littletipple- I could have written it myself! Got two DC with a similar age gap and it’s just starting to get much easier regarding sleep, playing together etc. I always said only two, but I can’t get the thought of a third out of my mind which is surprising to me, as although my children are my world and love them dearly I’m not naturally maternal and don’t really get why people love the ‘happy chaos’ of a large family! I also work so childcare costs are a factor. However, I utterly love seeing my children grow and develop into little individuals and I don’t really want a huge gap so if we were to go for it, it would need to be next year really. My biggest concerns are how it would affect finances, holidays, my body and my mind! However I would not want to live with the regret of not going for it. In the other hand, things are lovely as they are and I’m sacred to change the dynamics so following with interest!

@Blondie87 that’s the exact stuff going through my mind too. We aren’t quite there yet as DS2 is only 6 months, but the feeling of possible regret if we didn’t have a third is strong, the always wondering etc - and then we start thinking of practicalities and it just gets so darn confusing 😔.

My third is the best thing I ever did.

It's hard. I'm guessing at ages 1 and 3, you've not got into the squabbling stage yet, and even then with 2, there will only be 1 combination of children likely to squabble. With 3, there are 3 possible combinations of 2 children squabbling, plus 1 combination of 3 children squabbling. So instead of 1 combination you have 4. And it's about who sits in the middle seat of 3, whose turn it is to push the button for the lift, who used more marmite than the others - the really tedious day to day rubbish. That's the main drawback as I see it (although they're usually well behaved - honestly).

Everything is more expensive - we're now into teenage years - adult prices for holidays (no hotels cater for 5 unless you have 2 rooms), adult meals in restaurants etc. Technology, activities, needed bigger car / extension.

I wouldn't change it for the world - number 3 honestly completed our family and I think I would have hugely regretted stopping at 2. That doesn't stop me recognising that life would have been far easier and cheaper as a family of 4.

I have 3. It's fine and not really much different to 2 in terms of work or stress. Mine don't squabble, they get on very well and take care of each other (now aged 8, 11 and 13). You can get hotel rooms for 5 if you look (Holiday Inn does them for example) and we have a van rather than car. There have been no negatives at all.

I had 3 very close together and generally it's lovely. My DM was always harping on about 'one being left out' but it hasn't been like that so far.
Because you're so busy with the older two, the baby fits in around your family a lot more. You enjoy the whole baby years more too because you're more relaxed and know what's important and what isn't.
The elder two absolutely ruin the youngest - who is well aware of her power and milks it.

My favourite saying ever for parents is:

1st baby rolls off the couch = ambulance, hourly neuro obs for 2 days afterwards, no sleep for 3 days as you stay awake to check they're ok, awful gut wrenching guilt.

3rd baby rolls off couch = look over, tut, say ahhh.

*disclaimer, have never left any of them unsupervised on a couch but I just love it!
Do it OP! DO IT!!!

hmmm from experience you also need to ask if 4 is the magic number.

Twins.

Thank you for all the new replies. We have indeed decided to go for number three. Unfortunately I'm currently miscarrying, but hopeful we may get number three one day.

Oh@LittleTipple so sorry to hear that lovely plenty of rest, fluids and sweets
Take care.