Hello people. I need some really honest responses here please! I’ve got two beautiful girls, aged 8 (from a previous relationship) and almost 3. They get on brilliantly and adore each other.
DH has always wanted another one (“because three is a good number”, no more elaborated on than that. He, like me, is one of two). And although prior to having dd2 I thought three sounded good, since she was born I have been at best in two minds about it, —usually more like ‘absolutely no fucking way’—. My second pregnancy was really hard, and I gained a lot of weight which it took me a long time to lose. We both work full time, we have a huge mortgage, we never seem to have enough time or money, and our house needs work, we are both fucking knackered all the time, particularly as dd2 has never been a good sleeper. Because I get home earlier that DH, I end up doing the lion’s share of the housework and childcare, which is a big bone of contention.
I got pregnant again when she was 15 months old, a complete shock, and had a termination at 7 weeks. I was competely relieved and didn’t look back for over a year. A couple of months ago, however, I started finding it hard to come to terms with the idea that I would nevertheless have another baby, despite all the practical reasons why it’s a really bad idea. DH and I started talking about it, and a couple of weeks ago, after a few drinks, he asked me (at the crucial point) if he wouldn’t mind if he didn’t pull out (sorry, tmi!). I was pretty carried away, and said ok, but immediately regretted it and took the morning after pill (levonelle) about 30 hours later.
I’ve just had a positive test, and I’m freaking out. I dread the thought another termination, but equally I know how difficult a third will be for me and for our other children (particularly my eldest who is already kind of out on a limb from having to stay at her useless dad’s place every other weekend.)
Feel like I’ve fucked up massively, but at the age of 38, this is really the last chance if it’s going to happen.
Sorry for the splurge. What’s it really like having three with big age gaps and limited time and money?!