How do you know when you're done?

[crocodarl]

I'd like to have a 4th baby, even though I don't think I will have one as I feel completely at full stretch most of the time. I feel insane for even thinking about it!

I have 3 boys, aged 6, 4 & 16 months. I absolutely love them, wanted them all and it's just fantastic.

On the other hand, I'm exhausted and short-tempered a lot of the time. I used to look forward to them being just a little bit older so it wouldn't be so hectic. And sure, now they can play by themselves, dress themselves etc etc it is a bit easier but on the other hand it's still hard - because now they argue about everything and don't want to do as they're told!

And despite this, there's a part of me that wants to have just 1 more!
I added up the pros's and con's... to be honest I could find plenty of reasons why it would sensible to stop at 3. And no reasons to have number 4 except for, I'd just sort of like to. And it might be a girl.

Does anyone else know what I mean? Wanting "just one more" without really knowing why?

I realised I was finished when DC5 was about 4 and I couldn't bear the thought of doing it all again.

Before that it always felt like someone was missing.

I totally get how you feel!!
I have 3, always wanted 4. Tbh I only question it as my first two have autism, and are effective cognitively by it so are not really high functioning, but are verbal although delayed there too.
They are 7,5 and 2. (2 year old speaking and seems n/t others didn't talk till 3).
I want to try at the end of this year (baby would be due when my third is at school).
I live for the kids, we don't ever fob them off any where. We have only been out a few times with out them. The break is nice but I much prefer painting with the kids then being up the pub.
It's prob more work as the older 2 have visuals and need more support. I like you feel lithe pressure and end up shouting 🙄. It's the arguing that drives me crackers.
Although they are close. My eldest finds it very difficult to makes friends so my 5 year old says to play with him at lunch and they do!
Also they all love the youngest. They also keep asking for another baby. My youngest would find it the most difficult.
When I planned kids I wanted the first 2 close and the last 2 close but it didn't work out like that.

Thanks Weasel that makes a lot of sense!

Good for you kaz, you sound like your decision is made!

For me, I feel like it would be a huge amount of hassle (in several different ways) to do it all again, and yet I can't shake off the feeling in my heart that in the long term it would be worth it. Even though my brain says it would be simpler not to.

But maybe it always feels like this for some people, no matter how many children you have, there's always that thought that there could have been just one more...

I had my third 6 weeks ago ( boy aged 5 girl aged 3).
During my pregnancy I thought I was definitely done but almost immediately after his birth that feeling has gone & i would go as far as saying I'm broody 🙈 I can't not image never having a newborn again. If finances were not an issue I'd definitely have a few more

The feeling comes and goes for me. I don't know if I'll ever feel "done". I would just put it off if I were you - your youngest is still little and a big age gap isn't terrible. Older DC love to help!

I think it's when the practicalities outweigh the positives of another baby. Funnily enough I wasn't desperate to have a second, but very much wanted dd to have a sibling. Worried the whole way through second pregnancy that I wouldn't love second child as much as first. The minute I held him I realised that OF COURSE you love the second one too, and immediately started feeling broody for a third! The third turned out to be twins, and at that point I knew I was done....but might have felt differently if we could have afforded a cook, a cleaner etc !!! (I'm a sahm)

I keep changiny mind as my 3rd pregnancy (my only girl) was horrendous so feel like i missed so much from my toddler at the time as I couldn't parent properly without being sick or in pain. (I have 3 kids all 2 years apart).
My youngest is 14 months and this is when we have previously ttc but hubby is against a 4th. I'd go for another one but the practicalities are more of an issue. Ds1 and Ds2 share a room so the other is a playroom and DD is with us but has her own room when we move her. We've put an offer of a house that's closer into town so can walk everywhere (we're on the edge at the moment) with a huge garden, 4 double bedrooms and space for a games room downstairs. Without having a 5th bedroom I wonder whether sticking with 3 would be best. I'm fine with them sharing now but not sure when they are teens or if they'll be able to afford to move out as young adults or visiting when they are older.
But my heart still thinks of a 4th!

Hi OP, 3 boys here too and even though no 3 is only 8m I'm not ruling out a 4th. Love having boys and would be delighted with another but would love a girl also. So it wouldn't be to have a girl but honestly the comments about how it would actually put me off - was fed up enough with the comments when preg with no3!!

Anyway for me age is not a blocker but a consideration. I'm 36 now so still have time but it's not like I'm in my 20s and have lots of time. I just love the chaos of a bigger family!! I'm such a breeder!!

I dont know! i have 4 but still want one more. Its a hard feeling to get passed. My DP says categorically no. I ask now and again. Even though I know its risky as I had one 32 weeker and one 26 weeker. What if that happens again...