5 kids & a moaning husband

[Cagedbird01]

Morning all this is the 2st time of wrote but really struggling & need to vent somewhere!!
Iv been with my husband 7 years, 6 years married. We did everything really quick & I've 5 kids 6 & under....no twins lol
Here's my issue, I left 2 jobs, moved 500 miles away & started a while new life to be with this person.
I loved working & was good at what I did. (Nothing exciting, kitchen supervisor & customer service assistant)
Love being at home with my babies and have been for the last 6 years. My husband has had different jobs over the years but never held one down. The last proper job I had was in 2015 which lasted a few months as he couldn't cope with all the kids at home!
This last year I have been trying to build up my business, I love cake decorating & been told I'm good, so trying to make a living at it whilst looking after the kids.
For the last 3 years we've been living off of tax credits & child benefit but lately I'm finding this really hard! We choose not to claim Jobseekers allowance as where we live there's definalty not 13 things a week to do to find work & have had real patronising people speaking from the DWP in the past.

Iv now been offered the chance of a days work this week, waitressing for a catering company through a friend. £10 per hour, afternoon start late finish. Great! Said I'd need to talk it through but more than likely yes!
Now we're having the same issue as before, he can't manage all these kids on his own
Iv had enough, they're his kids too, he's not in a rush to go out and provide so why shouldn't I??!
Iv been to 2 Christmas markets in the last 3 weeks with my cake stall and the money has really helped us out in a bad spot!
I don't see what I'm doing wrong by going other than he's got to look after the kids.
I'm loosing my marbles here guys, could scream!! All I'm trying to do is make us a few extra quid near Christmas but having to put up with a sulking fella because if it!
I'm going regardless. Don't see why I shouldn't?!!
Opinions please...

I agree, he needs to step up and look after his own children. He can't cope? Should have thought about that before continually having children then! Or is it just 'women's work' to look after the kids?

Do the job, get the money and leave him to it. He will have to learn to cope.

And if neither of you are working then wtf is he doing all day every day while you are looking after the kids and doing your cake making?

Do it. He needs to learn to cope. Point out that if you divorce his sorry arse he's going to have them on his own 50% of the time!

Is he not working at the moment?

He washes dishes, Hoover's & school runs...apart from that not an awful lot if I'm honest!
I walk the 2 dogs but feel bad cos I don't get out everyday with them....
He can't hold down a job as he struggles to work with people. So prefers to work on his own ie driving jobs ect. But there's not alot of them about!
If shoe were on the other foot I'd be out doing what ever I could...hense why I want to go & work this Saturday.
I'm fully legal & insured with the cakes too so really trying to make a go of it!!
Apparently I'm being "degraded" waiting on people!! 😣😣🙈

No he's not working at the moment pinkitis

Just go and let him sulk. I bet he can manage he is just lazy. Say it's that or he gets a job himself or he goes on jobseekers and put up with the patronising people and come up with the 13 things by being a bit crafty. It's your kids who are missing out by his laziness and you are doing your best.

My Dh doesn't like working with people either but he has just found the least peopley job he can (night shift) and got on with it. I'm not saying he can automatically find a job but he should do something.

To be fair colonel i don't think it's his laziness, he's got tonnes of issues, always seems to be some sort of problem with everything, always an excuse ECT ...
Iv had 1 Day out in the last 7 years with firends, which was last month which he didn't like. So I think that's more of the issue here.
But it's wearing a little thin now.
Feel bad for even saying bad about him but iv got no one else to vent to without everyone thinking bad of him.

OP it sounds like you have 6 kids at home not 5. Seriously, he needs to up his game. What exactly is he contributing to your household? Even if he doesn't want to work he could watch the kids so you could - your lives surely would be much better with less money worries? This is not how most fathers behave. Think you've got so used to him being useless that you're resigned to it now.

He didn't like you going out?

He doesn't like you out at work?

Whose idea was it to be permanently pregnant?

Yes totally right, I do feel like if got 6 kids alot of the time!
All joking aside I have actually commented numerous times to him the same thing!
He loves his kids dearly but says I'm the one who holds us all together and without me here things don't work.
He's totally supportive of the cake business & dosnt m8nd having the kids whilst I do the stalls, but has problems with me socialising! Because as he puts it " I wish people would leave us alone" "i don't like folk"
😣🙈 which does make things hard on me as I'm the total opposite lol
We both decided to have all these kids, he'd have more if it was up to him bit that's me done!!
Totally nothing to do with this post but I kind of like getting things out there...
Iv started exercising everyday for 30 minutes, lost 2 & half stone since may and finally feeling Great!
Loving my new found lease of life lol
But although he says I look good, he feels insecure and reckons I'm gonna leave him!
It's all rather tiring & have put up with more than my share of shit from him over the years but can still see the good 😣 probably one of my down falls.....
I'm liking this new me or the "not pregnant" me but don't think he does.
Sorry to sound bitter about the man I love but that's how he's got me over the years! 🙈

Caged sweetheart you are describing a fairly controlling man, the pregnancies are a way of restricting your life.

May be worth a post in relationships.

Lol sorry went on a bit there!!
Might have a pop over there and post...like I said not usually one for this posting stuff though xx

It's very isolating behaviour. Keeping you pregnant, not letting you work, won't let you go out, would rather you were pregnant or fat.

This is not about him not coping with the kids, it's about him wanting you at home 24/7.

You love him but honestly, this will build into resentment. He wants you chained to the house and your user name couldn't be more apt. Caged bird is exactly what you are.

Would he get some help? Would he work on his own issues and understand that unless he starts to trust you and stop suffocating you, you are more likely to leave him?

Having lots of children is a way of trying to give you no escape route.

Seriously have a think about this. Look at the Freedom programme and seriously think hard about how you want your life to be.

Leave him to it to learn to cope. One of you needs to be working full time at least to support the kids you chose to have. We have 4 and I've always worked part time weekends and nights and my dh has had to cope with them right from the start. Now they are teenagers and they all have a great relationship with him,