three kids??

[kj90]

Hi all, this is my first ever post! Basically looking for some advice/personal stories.
I have two amazing sons 9&4, but I and my husband long for a 3rd but am very apprehensive about going for it. My friends are all having children and it makes me so emotional that I need one more to complete our family! I am completely not bothered about the whole "you need a girl to finish things off" I love my boys and tbh don't know what I'd do with a girl LOL! We both work part time in pretty decent paid jobs that allow us flexibility to have lower childcare costs, and our youngest starts school next year summer 2018. I'm unsure why I am so insistent I need another, I just do! My dh and I have went back and forward, back and forward over this idea for a good 2 years now! We know our DS1 would LOVE a sibling, he wants a sister 😂 But we wonder how DS2 would react, he does absolutely love babies, if he hears one crying or making noise anywhere he is straight over to see and speak to baby, it is very cute. However that being said, our DS2 is quite hard work, he is currently being assessed for high functioning autism, and we worry would he/us manage? Is it like anything in life? You manage to conquer it if you work together/hard enough? We sometimes wonder if a baby in the house would be good for our youngest as they seem to have a calming effect on him? TBH just looking for advice? I'm ready to make an appointment to get my coil removed asap 🙊
Thanks

We sometimes wonder if a baby in the house would be good for our youngest as they seem to have a calming effect on him?

As a parent of three DCs with ASD, I wouldn't place too much weight on this^ as a reason - I'm not saying don't do it, but adding a baby to the mix is going to require a lot of flexibility from everyone else in the household, including your DS. Obviously, it's perfectly do-able, but it's worth bearing in mind that you're adding another set of needs to the household (and you don't know whether you will have an 'easy' baby or one with additional needs, etc).

3 is a bad number as one always gets left out or picked on. Also, that's a big age gap so they won't have much in common, especially if you have a girl.

I loved having 3, it wasn't much more work than 2 TBH. I don't really see why age gap would be a massive issue, small gaps don't necessarily = lots in common!

We stopped at 4, often one of the 4 is at the grandparents or at friends and the remaining 3 often fight far less. Often, even with our even number there is one that is left out for some reason or other. The fact that you have completely left the baby stage behind may be a bit of a shock, but you've been there before as your oldest DC would have been out of the pushchair and potty trained by the time your youngest arrived anyway.

I think you just have to follow your heart and read lots of those 'please tell me what's great about 3DC's threads , you kind of know when you are done.

dc3 suffered hypoxia at birth (probably cord, no one knows for sure) and so our move to three children was a lengthy stay in special care, followed by years and years of physiotherapy, OT, SLT and paediatric appointments courtesy of having a baby with brain damage. Once she was a bit bigger the eye specialists joined in, and then we moved on to SENCOs for nursery placement, wheelchair services etc. We did our best to parent the other two while all this was going on, but there is no doubt that it had an impact.

Not telling you this to put you off - just that any pregnancy comes with unexpected risks, and sometimes you end up with something slightly different to the bouncing baby that all the older siblings expect.

Dh booked his vasectomy whilst she was still in scbu. He knew he was done.

Thanks for all your replies! To be honest I think I'm pretty set in my choice to have #3 just wanted to hear other experiences having a third as people are so quick to call me crazy?. With the age gap, it possibly is the fact my youngest is now out the baby stage, but the age gap doesn't fuss me as if we were lucky enough to fall pregnant in the next 6months the age gap would be the same as it is between ds1 and DS2, with DS2 about to start school just like my ds1 started when DS2 was just 1month old. And my two sons have an amazing relationship and I think the age gap works well for DS2 and he really does learn from ds1.

I have 6 boys. It's awesome, hectic, crazy, chaotic, fun & bloody hard work! But I'd say go for it. There's risks in everything. You want another. You will all adjust (including DC2)...and I'm a firm believer in 'You regret the things you DON'T do, not the things you do'. Good luck. Three kiddos is fun.

Have to say it's different liking babies when not living with one 24/7 affecting all aspects of your life. So your older son might not stay keen for long, so don't base your decision on that!