3 kids already 28 weeks pregnant and husband threatening to leave

[Emz87]

Hi
Sorry I don't know where else to turn. I am a mum of 3 and currently 28 weeks pregnant with my fourth. The fourth baby wasn't planned and I couldn't go through with an abortion. My husband ever since has been awful. I work three days a week, do all the school runs, nursery runs,, cook clean you name it and I'm really stressed out and have been an emotional wreck. I know I'm not easy. I spoke to my husband and told him I'm really struggling and need him to help out with it all and he went mad and walked out and has now found a room. He then keeps messaging saying he loves me and wants it to work which I was happy about but I can't do anything right. He sits on his phone the whole time when he comes over and if we go out all he does is critcises me my driving, how I tell the kids off you name it. I'm trying to keep calm but he keeps threatening to leave again and go back to "HIS" he has only been there a week. I can't handle it all I wanted is for him to help here and there. He turns around and shouts when I cry saying I'm being stupid. He started again today I asked him to get our 2 year old dressed and put a nappy on he still didn't do it after an hour so I did it and he said I was controlling l. I just didn't want my toddler to poo or wee on the floor and make more mess for me to clean. I can't handle anymore stress. I've got three weeks left at work because I need to slow down I'm just fed up with crying. I'm sorry if it's a bit ranty

I found my 4th pregnancy very very tiring. Perhaps once you finish work you will have a tiny bit more time to rest and can think clearly about your options. Your partner sounds rather useless, he needs to help you more. Is there anyone else you can ask for some help? Family? Could you afford a cleaner once a week?

I know how you feel about the changing clothes for 2 year old. The constant mess that I clear up got me so down when I was pregnant as I was huge and everything g just took so long even hoovering I had to sit down do do! Same with ironing! Any extra chore would send me over the edge. If it helps, it has got better since I had baby. I have more energy as I'm not pregnant feeling sluggish, caring extra weight and having to nap. That even with feeding a newborn in the night. I just feel so less tired.

Try talking to him again, but tbh it may be best to go it alone for a while if you can. It sounds like he's adding to your problems not helping to resolve anything.

Thank you. My mum works full time and says she is too busy and that she has done her kids and don't have anyone else. I'm used to doing everything but I do just feel so crap all the time. I just wanted to feel some love and support. I do feel better when he isn't around I just end up all tense when he is here that I just annoy him. It was my son birthday party today and he just sat there while I'm sorting them out and making sure all entertained I asked him to help and he just huffs and puffs at me.

Just want to know I'm not being unreasonable or going crazy.

My two year old favourite word is no which is a tad trying sometimes lol. The threatening to leave just makes me sad and frustrated.

My 5 year old has even started saying mummy me and you do good team work. I love them with all my heart and would do anything for them. Xx

When you sound out you were having a fourth, what was his reaction. To that please? What was the discussion on proceeding with the pregnancy?

He said he wanted me to have an abortion but but when I couldn't go through with it he said he would support and always be there.

You poor thing. You are doing absolutely loads. I think he should be doing a lot more than putting a nappy on a toddler! You are 28 weeks pregnant, working and doing everything around the house, of course you are exhausted.

It sounds like he is (consciously or unconsciously) punishing you for being pregnant. His behaviour would upset me very much. How would you feel if you separated permanently? I know life with four children alone would be very hard but you are doing everything already and I would find it easier going alone than dealing with the equivalent of an unsupportive grumpy teenager. Your (very cute) 5 year old sounds more helpful!

In your position I would tell him to grow up and start helping his pregnant wife or he can go back to 'his' permanently. I think if he is allowed to bully you he will just carry on. It's not fair on you, or your DC.

What's your financial situation like? Can you afford some help even if it's just a cleaner once a week?

What was your relationship like before you found out you were pregnant again?

Really feel for you

Funny thing is I cope a lot better when he isn't here and I'm not half as stressed. I do still love him very much but I'm fed up with not being able to do anything right he always has something to say. He will quite happily sit there and pretend its not happening and when I go and find out what's going on he says I'm over reacting I don't want the kids kicking the ball in the flat and I'm made to feel like the worst person ever. Things are very tight but I budget everything can't really afford for any help. My eldest son was struggling at school so I got him a tutor I always put them first no matter what. Maybe I am just scared I was just hopeful that he would realise that he wanted our family and me. Our relationship has been alright not been great he cheated three years ago and it destroyed me I thought he was sorry and that everything would be ok but I'm thinking now I was stupid to think that.

It doesn't sound like he's very nice to you.