Sooo my littlest of 5 kids is 2. She was always going to be our last something I did struggle with even when I still felt I didn't want any more children I still felt a bit of a grieving process I guess that part of my life was done onwards and upwards though I was ready for new adventures with my not so little family.... then in march on littlest ones 1st birthday I found out we where pregnant with our 6th... surprise well I wasn't happy but did get my head around it meant to be and all that... Unfortunately it wasn't I misscarried at 11 weeks we went in to try again and had a further miscarrage early on in Feb we had been trying for over 5 months something new to us as we've always conceived with first month of trying miscarriages unfortunately not new as we had a few before having our gorgeous tribe. The whole process has not been good for me my emotions have been everywhere I tried councelling and feel much better about things. and have decided I can't keep on trying and risking more miscarriages... something physically has clearly changed BUT Wow its like an ache.... I just want that one more I can't replace the babies I lost anymore than my 5 replace my earlier losses i know im not trying too...but I've had it in my head for a year now there was another one to join us and I'm finding it differcult to get my head round the new plan... We've booked a holiday ditched the family cot making new plans that we can get excited about but I'm still so bloody broody! Is this just how ill be now I wonder would I have felt this way without the miscarriages anyway?