Calling all mummies of 4 or more children...

[Skookiemomster]

Okay so I have 3 children at present, 3 boys aged 7,4 and 2.
And I feel very very very broody. So broody my heart aches and my womb hurts. My partner has agreed to trying for baby number 4. As soon as he agreed, suddenly I had all these doubts. Could I manage with four? Is it much harder? I'm so so so close to getting "my" life back and now I want another baby to fill my days with. My partner works long hours, sometimes away for days at a time, and I'm currently doing a degree in criminal psychology with the aim to go into the police force but behind the scenes. I've started going back to the gym and trying to be "me" again instead of just mummy .But this urge just will not shift. I'm confused. Like this post probably doesn't even make sense. I have a life plan ahead of me and another baby would put those back a few years again but I just don't feel complete yet and it's an awful feeling. You would think 3 boys would be enough, and they are, I love them all to pieces but I just don't feel complete or that my family feels complete yet if that makes sense?

So...calling all families with more than 3 children..what's it like truthfully??? Chaos in a good or bad way? Does the new baby just fall into the routine? Do you ever truly feel complete?

I have four but with different age gaps (15, 12, 9 and 2). The youngest wasn't planned and it was so, so hard to go back to the baby stages and sleepless nights again. She was also a horrendous baby, screamed all the time for 8 months as she has a milk allergy and awful silent reflux. I would never have another baby as I wouldn't risk putting myseld and the rest of the family through that again. She seriously broke me, I was a wreck, the older children got no attention whatsoever for those first 8 or so months as she was so bad and I felt constant guilt. I had to give up my job as she never slept and I kept making mistakes at work as I was so tired and stressed. It was a very dark time.

Having said all that, she is now 2.4 and absolutely gorgeous! She is adored by her siblings (watching 15yo ds with her is especially heart warming), she has brought something special to our family and is absolutely perfect! I'm now back at work 3 days a week, the house is hectic and I never stop but I love it! There were times at the beginning when I wished we had never had her (I feel awful admitting that) but now she is the perfect addition and has completed our family in a way I never thought possible.

I still wouldn't have any more though...no way am I going through that first year again.

If I could have my time over, I would have stopped at 2. Or maybe even just 1.

I have 4 boys - 19, 16, 14 and 7 - and I love it! Felt the same as the OP after 3 - terribly broody, as if there was someone missing. That feeling just disappeared as soon as I had ds 4!
Yes, it's a house full, and it can get pretty lively (especially as hormones kicked in on all sides) but I wouldn't be without any of them and I'm so proud of them all. It worked for me!

I have four but in two batches as in they are 16 and nearly 14, 9 and coming up 7 (same dad!). We love it and I wouldn't have done anything differently (other than perhaps a slightly smaller gap between #2 and #3 but such is life). We all have great fun with the younger two and Monday-Friday we eat with the older two and spend time with them. Weekends are manic but it's great to see them all busy and engaged and doing their things. I have a flexible enough job (dh works stupid hours) to be home at the end of school (and off completely one day a week) so there to be whatever they need me to be after school. When the big two leave, the little two will still have each other for a reasonable amount of time. It's fantastic.

I have four, 11,6,3 and 2 and only 13 months between the last two. Obviously I adore them all but if I had my time again I would have stopped at 3.
Our fourth really did tip us over the edge. Everything just seems so much more. That said I'm probably at the hardest stage with the two youngest, they fight like cat and dog and the youngest doesn't sleep well and the 3 year old keeps coming in our bed. I'm always chasing my own tail and trying to keep on top of everything. When they are babies Everyone tells you it will get easier as they get older. I'm still waiting hoping!!
No one want to babysit (can't blame them)
Trying to get any time with dp is impossible
The fighting, oh god the fighting!
We never get invited over to anyone's house ( again can't blame them!)
It's hard to get homework, reading and one on one time done

On the plus side, when they aren't trying to kill each other they are amazing with each other very kind and considerate I'm hoping this will happen more as they get older clutches at straws
Christmas is brilliant
House is always full and noisy (can also be a bad thing)
The older children's friends love coming over as its a mad house
I host a lot so it's lovely to have friends and family round our table.
I have two step children who I'm very close to (19 and 24) and they are coming to us for Xmas this year with their partners and a baby I can't wait!

I started that post thinking it was bad idea to have four but by the end I think I had changed my mind

I have 5 aged 29 to 13, the first four were all born within seven years so similar to the spread of children you have. It was undeniably hard work early on, dc4 has ASD and so there were extra challenges but it was also really lovely too. I loved being surrounded by my brood and it helped having two distinct pairs (there are less than two years between dc1 and 2 and dc3 and 4) so I think there were fewer arguments and no odd one out scenarios. I must have enjoyedit really as I had another one anyway

I have 7dc, 11,9,8,6,5,2 and 4 months. It is very busy and you do have to be super organised. I am a sahm and will be for a while yet.
Having 3 was definately the hardest for us. Looking back I'm not even sure why but it did not work for us.
It's also lots of fun, I aim for organised chaos 😉

I have 4, all teenagers. At least I never have to worry I'll run out of things to worry about! Having 4 was the best thing I ever did and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I found 3 harder than 4 too!

I have 4, all born within 5 years. It was crazy when they were all little but life was (still is) so much fun. The bonus of having them so close together is that they are all extremely good friends with each other, and family holidays meant not having to seek out other children to play with. You just have to be super organised and not worry too much about housework, other than the basics. They're all grown up now and I miss those busy days.

Mum of 5 here (18,8,7,5&4). I often find myself wistfully wondering what I'd be doing now if I hadn't met dc's 2-5's dad...
Personally, I found family life a whole lot easier with 3. Once you start into 4&5 territory, everything gets harder, from morning routines to holidays. Don't let it necessarily put you off but do go into it with your eyes wide open.x

Not getting invited to other people's houses yep!

yep! unless they also have 4 or 5 children! then things are really fun!! 9 children ages 9 and under round the table (then I remember that some people actually have 8 or 9 children themselves...).

I have 4 and don't find it that hard but they are very spread out 16,11,6 & 2. If they were closer in age I think I would probably be in a gin soaked state rocking in the corner

I have 5, from 17 to 9, and I love it. I always wanted a big family anyway.

I don't know what having 3 is like as I went from 2 to 4, and then was mad enough to have another one after having twins! As soon as no. 5 was born I knew I was done. Did not feel broody again.

It's very noisy, my house is a mess (I'm very lazy) but I love almost everything about having a large family. The fights I could do without, but that happens in most size families I guess - I used to fight awfully with my brother.

Go on, have another one.

I have 4, my youngest two ds's are twins, so I went from 2 -4 in one go. At one point I had 4 under 6, which was hard, and to be honest I managed by getting through one day at at time and drinking more wine that is probably sensible.

Now I have four strapping teenage lads, and apart from the expense ( not even talking about holidays, treats, christmas -just food) I'd say I have the prefect family.

But don't doubt the expense of it. Both my DH and I have quite well paid jobs, but spend every penny we have (and we are not particularly flash). Just think four pairs of school shoes (for boys with size 10 feet), or four sets of uniforms. and trainers. God, the price of trainers.

Snap Viixen. but I'm too old for another! Although we did get a dog.

I've been reading this thread with keen interest.

I just wondered to all those who have had or are planning a 4th - did you or do you have a strong preference for a particular gender once you were at the stage of wanting a 4th? Either for balance of genders or the gender you didn't yet have?

I love it. I just feel like the more I have, the easier it is. My husband (we've been married since we were 18) works for a de-mining charity so is abroad for many weeks at a time in dangerous countries (Somalia, Afghanistan etc but I don't know anything else. He was previously Bomb Disposal in the army), my family is 400 miles away and his family are not in our lives so it's just myself and the children mostly. I would have more if I could. But we are 42 now so too old really. They are my absolute world and I just dread our baby going to school next year!

Rodeo interesting question, it wasn't the reason I got pregnant but when I did get pregnant I kind of did have a tiny preference.
I already had g,g,b and my b was only 14 weeks old when I got pregnant so I did think it would be nice for him to have a brother so close in age to grow up with. I actually found out the sex when I went to a growth scan on my own at 28 weeks I didn't tell anyone not even dp (I have since)
I felt that as I had a tiny preference I needed to know before the birth as I did not want to feel even the tiniest bit disappointed when my baby was born. I would have been really happy with a girl too I just kind of needed to get my head around it, not really sure if that makes sense?
Anyway he was a boy and they fight like cat and dog

We have 4 boys, with a large age gap in between 2/3 so to be honest it hasn't been that difficult. I find days out hard at times, planning things that a teenager and two year old can all enjoy but so far it's been all fine (maybe a bit of eye rolling from the eldest at times lol). I work from home so it's been great being able to stay with them and still earn some pennies.
I am considering number 5 in a few years, DH would love a girl - although he would be chuffed with another boy too!
I would say go with your gut instinct, could you postpone your degree?!

Buttwing, yes, that totally makes sense. I am in the situation where if we went for a 4th, I would have a strong gender preference and DH isn't willing to go ahead unless I will be happy either way, so for this reason I actually don't think we will end up having another.

We have 5. The elder 4 were born within 5.5 years, and the youngest came along 15 years later. We are done .

Going from 3-4 was hard. In terms of looking after them he slotted in with the others, but it's the car/bedroom issue. It's not so bad now, when you can pick up an older 7-seater for £2k but when ours were little the only 7 seater was a volvo, which was out of our league.

We also had g, b,b,b, so it was 3 boys in the same bedroom, and DS1 really needed his space. 4 meant they always had someone to play with (great) but also someone to fight with (not so great). For a long time DC1,2 and 4 hated DC3 plus DC2 also hated DC4, so there was lots of trying to keep them separate in a house that wasn't big enough to do so.

They never complain about their childhood, but we do get a lot of we never had that/did that when we were young, directed at DC5.

Then we had 4 different schools for 2 years (that was fun), 4 lots of shoes every 2 months, and then 4 teenagers eating a weeks worth of shopping in one night!

That was followed by one doing Y9 SATS, one doing GCSE and one doing A levels 3 times. University visits, and dropping off/picking up every term x 3. It never ends. They are all adults and still really close, which I am really pleased about, but we never seem to have a day off which doesn't come with a request to give lifts/collect furniture/provide loans for deposits/take them on house viewings. If anything they are harder work once they leave home.