Help! Failing miserably as mum of three!

[colourdilemma]

I have three dc: dd1 is 10, ds is 7 and dd2 is 5. I am long term struggling (ie not just a rough patch!) with almost everything. The things that I find most difficult is being able to either have them all in relative harmony together in the house and also being able to so anything with one at a time without (mostly dd2) coming and needing me within minutes. They are very competitive and generally unkind to each other at the moment. I feel it's got a lot to do with me having has anxiety and depression for a long time and I generally feel guilty for doing a rubbish job of the thing I so desperately wanted to do when I persuaded dh that dc3 would be a good idea.

Are there any tips/advice/I've been theres you can offer as parents of three or more? I feel despondent.

I'm in a similar boat. Here for hand holding, but need some advice myself really! How to get the older to to just STOP being so horrid to each other would be amazing. Watching with interest.

Hello Cherry! Hand holding available! So...currently, dd1 is baking cookies, which should be idyllic and blog worthy, but is accompanied by dd2 being interested but dd1 not wanting her there. Ds is watching telly. I am escaping, which is probably half the problem. And then we have dd1 wanting to get her hair cut short, we're trying to declutter and my brain is full. I think I'm fundamentally ill equipped to deal with multiple people making unfiltered demands on me all the time. Self awareness at the time of the desperate urge to have dc3 might have helped. And perhaps allowing myself to be happy with the gradual lowering of standards that has taken place over the years rather than having the low standards anyway, just feeling deeply guilty and unsatisfied all the time.

Me too! I struggle daily with my 3. They are 7,5 and 2. I lose my temper must weeks and feel like each day is exhausting. Don't be too hard on yourself, it s school holidays so that's added in. I feel like I would go mad if o didn't go to work 2 days a week.
Hopefully you have some help because that is helping me survive at the moment. My parents are having them one night a week during the hols then have them the next day while I am at work. Made a big difference for me. I've also been going running to try and get some head space. Maybe something like this may help you.
And just knowing this is what it's like for lots of us.

Also try to get help for your depression and anxiety. Talking therapy has helped me a lot.

YANA. Sounds like my house with 4 boys. No advice but in your boat 😊. As they are getting older the are getting better and arguing less. They are 21, 15, 13 and 5 xx

Mine are close in age to yours 11, 8 and 4 and just wanted you to know you are not alone. Dc 1 and 2 bicker all the time. Dc 2 and 3 bicker all the time. Dc1 has mood swings and dc 3 whinges lots.
I think this is just what siblings are like. Plus having to spend lots of time with people they haven't chosen. Usually they get away from each other for 6 hours a day at school but for the holidays they are stuck with each other a lot more.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think a lot of families are less iydilic than the adverts would have us belive.

Take it on day at a time

Every evening when they are in bed, pat yourself on the back for having them all fed, clean and in bed...an achievement!

What's with your partner? Why do you feel it's all your job?

Almost all mums of 3 or 4 I know went back to work FT, to keep their sanity!

It's the fighting and the complaining that gets me down, I keep meaning to read 'Siblings without rivalry' as it is meant to be a good book but then feel guilty when I don't get the time to read it!

Things that have helped though are ditching the guilt and just accepting that I am doing my best. This thread also helped a lot too, I started doing a lot of the things when I was pg with DC3 and have just carried on with them. Cutting back time spent on house work = more time for the DC's.

Can you get away for a day for a break from it all? I am much more patient if I make sure that I get a break regularly, lunch out, an exercise class or even just off for a hair appointment.

It's a long time since that post and I thought an update to say that a year or so on, things are generally much easier. There are absolutely moments and days where the three are sooooo hard but also moments when they are so kind to each other. I don't dread getting up. It's hard-I knew it would be-but my head is in a better place where I have more time to think and be.

Thanks so much for the update @colourdilemma . It's so rare to read a follow-up, and reassuring for those of us with dc3 in the oven. Glad to hear life is feeling more manageable now.

colourdilema I'm so glad (and encouraged) to hear that your situation has improved.I came on here for advice and when I read your OP I could have written it exactly myself, although i don't think i would've been able to articulate it so well. First day of the holidays has felt like a disaster and failure in me keeping everyone from at each other. I'd not realised it was a post from last year at first and was going to reply to show some support. Great to hear that family life is better for you now, well done - 3 are challenging even without added adversity.