Anyone with 3.5+ years between each?

[Lou280]

I'm so frustrated with my DM's comments lately about the impending age gaps of my children. I have two boys, 3.5 years apart. They are wonderful playmates and allies, despite not being in the exact same life phase. It seems the gap reduces competition a bit but is still small enough to share some interests. DS3 is due in seven weeks and the gap between 2 and 3 will be the same, essentially (2 months larger). I am already super insecure about it, so I realise I am definitely being over sensitive (hormones don't help). Did not plan the gap the first time (miscarriage), and definitely not this time (unplanned pg, was happy with two). Anyway, she keeps going on about how HUGE the age spread is and how I will have my hands full with different needs, etc. Not helping my already worried and anxious state!! I only have one brother and we are only 18 months apart, so her parenting experience was very different. She means well and I'm not offended, but it's really making me worry a lot!

Does anyone have similar spacing? Do DC get along and do you feel like a cohesive family unit? I've been surprised at how well my two get along and play together despite a 3.5 year gap, but I realize the seven years between DS1 and DS3 will be a lot. What's done is done, but I guess I need some reassurance.

I have that age gap between my first and third and they get on brilliantly. Always playing together and DC1 is always showing DC3 how to do things and helping her. It isn't a huge age gap. You don't have to be your mother. I really don't think it is anything to worry about.

I am the eldest of 6 and youngest was 17 yrs my junior. Yes you have different things going on but really 3.5 yrs isn't that much - the older ones in our gang were closer but younger there is 6 yrs between. I think 3.5yrs is a nice spacing - just wish I could have had more myself. Its just different to her experience that's all

Just realised that isn't clear. The age gap between my DC1 and DC3 is the same as the gap between your DC2 and DC3 will be, 3 and a half years.

4 years for me. They are still good friends at the age of 15 and 19

My DC are 19 (boy), 13,(girl) 8 (girl) and 4 (boy) - we had another baby who died at 37 weeks and he would be 6.

To be honest DC1 and 2 really don't like each other and haven't got on since they were about 10 and 5. DC2 and 3 get on better and still spend time together, DC3 and 4 get on very well. DC1 gets on better with the younger two.

I wish I had smaller gaps - 3 max but that's not how it happened.

Thanks all, I am reassured by the fact that DS1 and 2 get on so well and hoping for the same, also hoping all the same gender will help. I guess it's more the top to bottom spread and wondering if the three will ever do things together. I still view my 7 year old as quite a young child, and he loves babies, so hopefully all will just work out. I anticipate times of DS2 playing more with DS3, when DS1 is going through teen years, etc.

Honestly, my two play together more than my DB and I did despite only being 18 months apart, so maybe it's more a personality and/or gender thing. Anyway, I'm trying to convince myself everything will be okay, I have been nothing but terrified/anxious/depressed this whole pregnancy. Getting close now so I have to find a way to embrace reality.

Anything I've read suggests that an age gap of between 3 and 4 years is ideal, and 3 years is the historical average. Most sources strongly recommend not having children less than 2 years apart, both for the sake of the mother's health and the optimal well-being of the children.

Hi Lou, good luck with your impending arrival! I have 3.5years thereabouts between all my 3 and honestly it is great :-) I think it's a good gap as the 3.5 year old is able to do abit more for themselves!

I think ultimately it depends on your child but my 7yr old DD plays great with her 4yr old brother and they both adore their 7.5month baby brother and they honestly get on really well. As they get older it might change but I hope not! Good luck