I can't decide on baby number 3. Please help

[Kayleighann]

Hi I'm new to netmums. I have been scrolling the internet for some advise and story's of going for a third child.

I'm so undecided and it's actually driving me crazy. I think about it a lot and go from. 100% yes to 100% no on a daily basis.

I have 2 children ages, 9 and 6 so I'm out of the young child stage. My 2 are both at school. They are very easy and good children. Our lives are pretty calm and easy ish.
After my 2nd I didn't even think about a third I was done. One boy one girl perfect. Then my youngest started school and then it all started shall we have another one and the last year I've thought about nothing else.

There are far more cons to having another, back to sleepless nights, some one would have to share a room, days out like cinema or theme parks would be hard with a baby, wud mean me being left out of things and staying with the baby.
There would be a big age gap. The list goes on and on.
So why can't I decide surly it should just be a no. The easier option is to stay a family of 4.

Has anyone got any stories to share? Did u go for the third and how did it turn out? Or did u decide to stick with 2 and are there any regrets?

I worry a lot about the financial side
As I'm a sahm and oh works long hours to provide for us. We are comfortable but would another push us to much financially.

My oh is happy ether way. He's not desperate for another baby but he isn't dead against it ether. He does have same worries as me, financially and sleepless nights etc.

I have mentioned it to friends and family and all I get is negative comments! "Why would u do that. U have a perfect family why rock the boat."
"Arnt you a bit old" (I'm 34) "oh god you would be in ur 40's when your child starts school "
"It wouldnt be fair on ur 2 children to have another one poor them"

Oh and " your poor husband it wouldn't be fair on him, he would have to work even harder to provide and your see him even less"
I haven't had one positive comment.

I wonder if maybe I'm just at that stage in life where my baby's are getting older and I'm feeling sad that they are at school etc. Do I actually want another or can I just not cope with the fact my 2 are getting bigger : (
Will I have a third and then go back to feeling like this wen the third starts school!
Is this a feeling all women get wen they no longer have a baby/toddler.

I just don't no and it's really getting me down.

Any advise or story's are very welcome. Thank you

This isn't netmums

Ok I have three and dd1 was 9 and dd2 6 when dd3 was born. I was 30 then having started young Dh was happy to go for it but it was my feeling of not being done that prompted it really. I have to say that when she arrived it was like somebody flicked a switch and I've never been broody since. The age gap is big but that as it's advantages too. I leave the three of them in the house quite a bit now the oldest is 17. I also think I would find dd1 leaving home etc very hard but as it is I'll have dd3 here for years still I also think it's nice that dd1 and dd2 have lived and will remember life with a young baby, seeing me breastfeed etc.
Financially as you are a sahm I don't think it would make too much difference - it's going back to paying childcare that's very painful. However I do think sharing a room would be a problem. As you have boy/girl already this means somebody is going to have to share with the baby/toddler. That's NOT a good idea. Is moving totally out of the question? There are some things that taking a baby along too is a pain but then that's why babysitters exist. I wouldn't change a thing but you're right to recognise the downside.

Thanks for your reply and yes sorry mums net lol.

Did u find it hard going back to a newborn? I remember wen mine were baby's I found it really difficult sleepless nights etc but you just get through it. My dd didn't sleep through the night untill she was 4 lol. So we had years of it. Now we finally have sleep and I want to go back to the start again.

I really worry I will regret it. I know I won't regret the actual baby once it's here but I worry I will feel like what have I done. Things were perfect why have i done this.
I hate the thought of my 2 being left out or feeling sad that a baby's getting my attention etc.

I don't think moving would be a option. We have a 3 bed house and a 4 bed would not be affordable.
I feel bad that one of them would have to share. But then I think I shared wen I was a kid and loved it.
The baby would be with us for a year or so but then it would have to share with ether it's (by then) 7/8 year old sister or 11/12 year old brother .

I enjoyed going back to baby days tbh. I knew it was the last time and that it passes quickly. Didn't enjoy potty training again mind you.
I think you need to think carefully given the bedroom situation. A baby and a 12 yr old is one thing. A 5 yr old sharing with a 17 yr old is another.

Yes I completely agree with you and these are the kind of things that make me feel so undecided. I think I can't not have another baby just because I'm worrid about bedrooms and sharing I will just deal with it wen it comes to that, but then I think I'm being unfair on my current children making them share etc. Wat teenager wats there kid brother or sister sharing there room.
I just can't decide. I feel so fed up that I can't come to a decision

at being 40 when they start school! I had 2 of my 4 in my 40s!

Mine are 12, 10, 3&1 so 7yrs between no2&3. Dh and I just thought we weren't done. It was hard as I'd given away all the baby stuff and going back to having a pram was a pain but not enough to stop me having a 4th! We have 5bedrooms though so that wasn't a issue but bed5 is fairly small so baby 4 will lose out there. I was a sahm but went back after 3&4 just for a break. it works much better with us all out the house as I found it hard being a sahm to the older 2 so didn't want to go there again. I was never broody for a baby as such I think we just knew we wanted more children.

But 34 is certainly not old. You'd be average or younger than many mums at NCT around here. 34 is about the age that many women start thinking about their first so don't feel too old.

It's not really a decision anyone else can make for you but if you spend that much time thinking about it and your dh is on board then just go for it. Waiting until you're 39/40 will make for an even bigger gap!

It sounds to me like you want really want a third. Practicalities like bedrooms and days out are not a reason to rule it out. Your older two can miss out on cinema trips etc but will gain so much more with a baby, another sibling for life.

I was always going to have three and am now contemplating a 4th! (But that would defo be it!) I hate pregnancy and I hate sleep deprivation but they are both short term in the grand scheme of things and the pay off is so worth it (re sleep, both my girls were horrendous sleepers still waking 4-5 times at 8 months so for DD1 we got a sleep nanny and then used her techniques for DD2, best money I ever spent!)

An aunt of mine once told me she always regretting not going for a third and it's stuck with me. I think if you've been considering it seriously for a good while and the feeling isn't going away, go for it!

Thanks for your comments I completely agree that if it's something I think about so much then I should go for it. I know I want another one. I just feel like there's so many reasons to not have one and stay a happy family of 4. I worry I will ruin what I already have. But I literally can't stop thinking about it.
X

Kayleighann

I'm questioning #3 too and share all you're worries - and the exhausting feeling that literally can't stop thinking about it! One day yes, next day no (usually depending on how angelic/ naughty they are being).

It seems questioning going for #3 is quite common (been a lurker for a while). I'm 36, kids are 5 and 2.

Regarding the space, have you thought about converting your loft - we would do this if we went for a 3rd. Our kids share at the moment though and would continue to share even if we had a 3rd

I think we'll keep options open for a couple of years yet. If DS gets to 5 and we haven't made up our minds on #3, then probably would stop thinking it.

Hope you find some peace in your thoughts

Hi Lucy
I have been googling about third and you are right it seems very common, all the ones I've read tho all end up going for a third. I've not read any one say yet I was thinking about it non stop and decided not to. It seems after years of wondering ppl seem to go for it.

I'm not going to let the bedroom space be a deciding point as it's a long way off until I need a extra room so will worry about that if we get to it.

Today I'm on a yes day just do it , why am I over thinking it so much. I love being a mum my life has been so much better since having children how can having another baby be a bad thing. I knowby tomorrow I would have changed my mind lol.

I suffer from hormonal migraines and wen I come off the pill I get them regularly. If it wasn't for that I think I wud just come off pill for a year and see wat happens.
I can't come off it tho unless I'm ttc as I need to get preg ASAP to stop the migranes.

I know this is an old thread but I’m in the same situation and just wondered if you went for number three?

Yes would love to know @Kayleighann @Lucyannieamy