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Original poster

Do you worry about your luck running out?

22 replies

inmyshoos · 26/09/2015 00:53

We have 3dc. All normal births and straightforward healthy children. Youngest is now 7. I would love one more little baby but I am terrified it will go wrong. Worried my luck will run out.
Plus I am now 39 so more chance of things going wrong.

Did anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

TiesThatBind · 26/09/2015 09:31

Yes. DC2 spent nearly two weeks in hospital after he was born. I always wanted a big family but now I am very scared that something will go wrong again.

I am mid 30s but DH is late 40s which is another cause for my concern.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 26/09/2015 09:36

So many peoole have loads of babies and don't seem to worry. Wish I was one of them!!

What caused the 2 week stay in hospital ties

OP posts:

escondida · 26/09/2015 09:47

yes, this is why I had amnio with baby4. I was 40. I had low risk from scans & I didn't bother with blood test, went straight for (some) certainty. Never would have had amnio with babies 1 or 2 even if their scans had been bad. Nicolaides quipped something about "4th baby syndrome". Amnio hurts, btw!! Baby was fine, though.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 26/09/2015 12:10

How old were you with the others escondida .I had my 3 at 28, 30 and 32. I also worry it will be much more knackering at 40! Was it?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/09/2015 12:19

Yes I did, we have three and I thought with number 3 I was pushing my luck. Very relieved he was ok and I was ok at the birth. Would have always regretted not stopping at two if anything had gone wrong. Would have loved 4 or 5 but pleased we didn't go for it.

I worried about everything from the baby having deformities, or me having health problems from having another baby particularly a prolapse, as a few friends were going through this. Rather negatively I also think it's another person to worry about long term, although the flip side I suppose is the joy that another child/teen/person in your life might give you.

And now I have 3 teens, I'm tired! They tire me. And they're expensive. I'm very pleased we didn't go for number 4 in the end.

MaltaVestrit · 26/09/2015 19:37

I'm on my 3rd pregnancy (4th baby) and I'm so much more terrified this time. My pregnancies aren't great but I have come through them and all of my DC have been healthy with relatively good births. I even managed to take twins to term! clearly my luck will run out, every time I feel a kick I try to relax but within minutes I'm back worrying about what could go wrong at any point.

I have no actual reason to be worried though, no high risk factors or anything.

5madthings · 26/09/2015 19:48

Yep I totally worry about this, I am 12 wks preg with number six. So far all good.

Interestingly I donated eggs after number five as we were meant to be done... Anyway I saw fertility specialists etc and actually it works the other way, the more babies you have that are Ok the more likely you are to have another Ok pregnancy and delivery etc. Those that have problems tend to have them with each pregnancy.

But I did pay for the nuchal scan with numbers three, four and five. I couldn't get it for free as in my area you had to be 35 or over. This time, I am 36 and it was free. I just got my odds bsck this week as 1 in 29,854 so low risk. I have also had easy pregnancies and straightforward vaginally deliveries each time. My body seems to do pregnancy well.

That bring said no six was not really planned, we wrre done with five and I do feel like we are tempting fate. I have actually worried more with each pregnancy not less.

lougle · 26/09/2015 20:09

As someone whose 'luck had run out' on the first go and has that DD at special school, with two others DDs at MS, it smarts a bit that you would all describe my wonderful DD as 'something gone wrong.' She's marvellous, actually, and while life has totally changed as a result of having her, I wouldn't swap her for all the tea in China.

Enjoy your pregnancies -if there's something to deal with, you will. Life doesn't end if your baby isn't 'perfect'.

Nohopeformethen · 26/09/2015 20:16

Your luck can run out once the babies are here too, of course.

5madthings · 26/09/2015 20:37

Ds2 has asc Btw, he is still perfect and I don't feel that we were 'less lucky' with him. He has currently got some health issues as well and is being seen by rheumatology. If course I hate him being ill, but anyone can get Ill, have an accident etc so you just have to live life. I do understand what you mean though.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 26/09/2015 20:45

While sitting in the EPADs unit with my second pregnancy waiting to have my miscarriage confirmed I blamed myself for being greedy and going for 2 when I already had the most wonderful child. I vowed that I was stopping as I had no intention of ever going back there.

And then they found a heartbeat! he's 2 now.

I've also had two PPHs with two (different) deliveries and was described by a midwife as "a bleeder".

Stopping at 2!

Original poster

inmyshoos · 26/09/2015 21:46

iougle I wasn't aiming my post about children with additional needs in particular but just worries in general. From difficult pregnancy/birth to something far more tragic. But with regards to children with additional needs, no one is saying they wouldn't love a child with additional needs or health issues but you wouldnt choose them for your child. You wouldnt change them for the world but if you could wave a magic wand and take away their health problems or learning difficulties of course you would.
I know as a mother I would just cope the best I could but it is the impact on my existing family. What if something happens to me, what if I'm not around. Would they cope? I just feel it is maybe selfish of me to take a chance because I feel like another little bubba.
My friend has recently had a very premature baby who didn't survive. I see the impact of that not just on her but her whole family. Grief is such a terrible thing and has taken over in a way that has left her almost unable to enjoy the children she has. She is so consumed by grief and the longing for another baby.
I suppose I feel I am being a bit greedy wanting another. Why can't i just enjoy what i have. Why do I need one more!
I suppose i just feel my dc have grown so quickly. I cant believe that the scrumptious little baby phase has passed me by already.

OP posts:

Goodbetterbest · 04/10/2015 15:15

Yes I felt exactly like that.

And when the 11 week scan showed a high risk of chromosomal abnormalities it was devestating.

But, the amino showed she was fine - I couldn't quite believe it until I saw her.

I did feel as though I was pushing my luck, but wouldn't have changed it.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 04/10/2015 15:37

good that must have been really stressful. What dc did you have already and were you older?

OP posts:

Goodbetterbest · 04/10/2015 16:17

I had DCs 2, 4 and 5. I was 37.

To be honest I had a sense that I was pushing my luck, but kind of forgot that the scan was for this purpose. Not for me to take a mate along to se we could see the baby. I came down to earth with a bang that day.

I very quickly booked an amnio in and although it was extremely stressful, it was over with in a couple of days.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 04/10/2015 18:28

good that sounds scary but good it was over quickly.
Did the amnio hurt?

OP posts:

Goodbetterbest · 04/10/2015 18:56

It didn't really hurt - it wasn't pleasant. I watched it on the screen. I was worried afterwards for both the result and the increased risk of miscarriage. But I knew I couldn't wait until the 20 week scan for a further test. It's not great, but it was all ok.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 04/10/2015 19:06

I think the worry of mc after amnio would be my biggest fear. I think in the area I live in amnio is offered routinely if the mother is 40+ so I would definitely have it. I didn't even have the blood tests with my other 3 but just being that bit older and having slightly older dc makes me feel differently.
Thanks for all the info good

OP posts:

loveandsmiles · 05/10/2015 11:58

I have just had DC 6 and I definately worried more with each pregnancy but I think that's just because of getting older and the associated risks of this.

I had amnios with my last 4 pregnancies and they were straightforward and pain free - they definately gave me more peace of mind. I am 48 next month and have had 4 babies in my forties!

I do feel very blessed to have had 6 healthy DCs and survived the pregnancies and births with minor complications

ChipsandGuac · 05/10/2015 12:16

We had 4 in 5 years and one of the reasons we stopped was because I bled so heavily after DC4's birth that I felt my body was saying enough already!

imip · 05/10/2015 14:25

I lost my first dd, probably due to cervical incompetence at 25+4, so for me each pregnancy has felt like a 'risk', iyswim. A cervical stitch always has a 20% failure rate (that it won't last til term).

I had my last baby at 40, I paid for a private Nuchal scan at the fetal medical centre, because of my age.

I now have 4dcs, as as someone mentioned above, the risks are not just at birth, but throughout life. Dd2 almost certainly has ASD/SPD/PDA (taking YEARS to get a firm diagnosis) and dd1 suffers from hypermobility syndrome. I have an unreasonable fear that for some reason dd3 and 4 will encounter a chronic problem as well.

TheJunctionBaby · 03/11/2015 14:44

I felt exactly like this with each of my subsequent pregnancies after the first.... I have 4 healthy children now and each pregnancy was very straightforward, as were my labours and births. It's normal to worry, but it doesn't help to know this when you are going through it!

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