Mum of only boys help!

[workingonitagain]

I have 3 boys and seriously struggling with them. 5,3,1 yo. The phisical fights are getting so out of hand and by the time i put one on the time out and gone back, the other two are already at it!
To top it my eldest has been a nightmare over the summer and seems permanently angry ang growls at us if he doesn't get his own way.
We recently moved house and it has brought his stammer back and so possibly that's causing the anger. We are also waiting for a new school place for him so more stress to come.
I noticed we have started to be more and more rough and phisical with them as we are just getting to the end of our patience but we all know it's not going to help!
Any advice would be great!

Mum of 4 girls here. Dd1 8 is currently in a cast with a fractured wrist caused by dd2 7, kicking her...

A few mitigating factors here that I won't go into, but it is a tad embarrassing having to explain it yet again to health professionals!

How much exercise are they getting, 4 boys here, all much older now but all within 7 years of each other.
Get them out, run them round until they are tired, then another 10 laps!
I am only half joking, mine all needed huge amounts of outside play and exercise. Our life saver was discovering rugby, but be prepared to surrender every sunday morning from sept to end April.
Not allowed now but my youngest was playing competive tag from4 yo onwards.

I have 2 boys. You're at the hardest age! It gets better.

Give them more exercise than you think they need. Every day.

And a routine. Breakfast, then teeth, then clothes. Then a bit of telly. Then time to go outside, whatever the weather. Etc. every day the same, really helps.

And avoid situations that they are tired AND hungry , as that's when it all goes to pot.

Also, expext your DP to do his fair share. Always.

Thank you all we have a pretty strict routine. Im hoping school will shake them back into their trousers

Watching this with interest!

I have 3 boys too, 4 yrs, 2 yrs and 5 weeks. The 4 and 2 year old fight constantly!!! Non-bloody-stop! And it's pretty physical. I am constantly trying to referee them and in the end I just let them get on with it and only intervened when really really necessary. The school hols were the worst but it's feeling much better now that the oldest is at school.

I think this is just boys though... I read a funny article a while back comparing boys to dogs...they both need exercise, treats, a ball/stick and discipline.

I hope it gets easier as they get older....

Mum of three boys here too.

All older than yours now but I do remember the fighting between DS1 and DS2 and it was awful so I do sympathise. If they weren't trying to violently kill each other then they were verbally sniping. Argh!

I did find that that taking them out helped enormously - lots of park trips and dog walks, nature walks in the Autumn, puddle splashing in the Winter etc. Anything to avoid them being stuck together for hours in a confined space.

When they are stuck in can you encourage them to do sedate activities like artwork or listening to you reading to them? Let them help you with meal planning and cooking (But give them separate tasks!). Let them help at the shops by giving them each items to remember to buy. You just have to keep them busy and distracted.

You say "We" so assume that means your partner. Could you or your partner take either the 5 yr old or 3 yr old out for a walk/wander to the shop for twenty minutes when they do start fighting? Gives them a chance to calm down and walk off the aggression and break from each other.

Thank you very much for all the great advice! We are pretty much permanently out of the house. The are almost 2,4,6. I can sort of deal (entertain) 2 but as soon as there is 3 i feel paralised as i just can not keep them happy or find an activity that would occupy all 3 and unfortunately both me and my other half are just so tired of them, that most of the time just sit on on our phones while they are watching tv, that''s pretty much after dinner til bathtime. Try to not engage with them as it's just so unpleasant! Today dp taught the older 2 how to play snap and they loved it although dc1 suffered a bit at the fact that he was not winning every bit. Went out to do some shopping but that didn't gomso well as the were just running off. While we both understand that they should be left out outings like that, we feel that the should be able to cope with behaving every now and then!

Just saw this post. I am a mum of 3 boys also 17,15,10. What I found worked for me was making sure they were busy nearly all the time. With their fighting I only really stepped in if its was getting out of hand. Also finding something that they enjoy helps, mine loved board games (until they started to always want to win only). In their younger years I would sometimes just go to the cinema as I knew I would have at least a couple of hours peace while they watched a film.
It does get easier in some ways and harder in some ways as they get older.

I've got a DD (12) and 3DS, who are now 10/8/5. DS4 is due in a few weeks. I think in your situation I'd do 2 things:

1. Call a 'family meeting' to talk about how 'in this house we don't hit, etc' and explain the consequences - no TV time, time alone to calm down, whatever you prefer. Then stick to it religiously - even when it's loads more work - for a week or two to change the habits and form new ones. After that, you can hopefully relax a little.

1. Pick one activity - say shopping but start with a small list - explain in advance what you expect. Put DS3 in the trolley, the others must stay by the trolley and remind them of no hitting, etc. If they can help, they can choose something nice at the end. If they misbehave, leave. 'That's a shame - you couldn't be big boys and help me, now you've missed out on XXX, maybe you can get it next time if you help/stay with me/etc'

Once you've got the rules in place at home, and can happily tackle one activity like shopping, add another.

I became a single parent when my youngest was 1. ExH had been a negative influence on behaviour but I wanted to 'take back the control' from the DC while they were still young enough to accept it. I dreaded the idea of having a houseful of children that didn't treat me - and each other - with kindness and respect, but once I was happy they'd got it, I relaxed and now just step it up if they need a reminder.

Hi, I have 3 too and they can get out of control at times.

Check this link out - Boys project I saw a lecture by one of the guys who set up this project and it was fascinating. Some of the tips he gave are on this page. Some that stuck in my head are that if you want a boy to listen to you then you need to touch them on the arm as you talk. Also, they don't really like prolonged eye contact (some of the best and deepest conversations you will have with any male are when he is driving, reading a paper, or walking next to you - they don't talk well when sat opposite and face to face contact). Try to connect more like this (better if you can get some one on one time with the 2 older ones really to have a walk and talk). When using a stern voice to ask them to do something keep the instructions short - don't say 'Its time for you to go to bed now". Just say "Bed, now." Use a low voice - boys respond to low tones better - think back to the slightly old fashioned mothers voice shouting - "you wait until your father gets home!". As females get angry their pitch rises and it becomes less effective on boys. Oh and praise - boys love praise - but not too much - if you tell a boy 'that was brilliant' they often don't want to improve upon it again - (they think 'thats good enough then'), whereas if you say, 'Why don't you build a tower taller than the last one you built?' They will take the challenge. Also don't challenge them against each other even though they might like it and do it themselves. Give them a job in the house to do - often males are naturally looking to become part of a hierarchy and struggle to fit in without competition so give them each a job makes them feel special - something simple like tidying the shoes away, or putting toilet roll on the holder. They get to own it and feel proud of it. And yes to the poster who said they need to expend their energy - this helps boys a lot, they just need to be more physical. I also find that sometimes taking one of them out of the equation, - (I mean spending some time with a friend!) can help and kind of forces the other two together and they play differently.

Thank you so much for the great advice i can definitely with agree with loads of them and aviatior, that was a joy to read and so much of it i recognise and definitely works

I have three boys 18,14 and 11 and they bicker constantly still. I referee all the time and it doesn't help that I am quite anxious so don't really like any sort of confrontation.
I am a world expert on obscure football, music and wrestling now though! I bring them up on my own and generally fall into bed when the smallest does. They also destroy a small countries worth of grub a week....
I second the sports thing. I am just drying and preparing rugby stuff for the third time this week :/.