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Original poster

Help! 5 children, 3 bed, large age spread!

24 replies

5into3wontgo · 26/08/2015 19:58

Help!

Just discovered no. 5 is on the way, which was a surprise but I'm ok about it. They only thing worrying me is how on earth we are all going to fit into a 3 bed house (and I say 3 bed but one of the rooms is tiny!)! Shock

We have ds (16), dd (11), ds (9), dd (almost 2) and this one due next year.
At the moment eldest has his own room, middle 2 share but that really needs to change as dd is getting older / hormonal etc, although they are really close and play well together and get on the best. Youngest is currently still co-sleeping with us.

Options - we currently rent, though dp still owns a horrible 2 bed flat miles away. We were planning on selling it and trying to buy something nicer near here for us all (before we found out about #5!). I don't think we will be able to afford a 4 bed. Sad

We could stick 2 ds (16 & 9 yr old) in one room, and 2 dd (11 & 2) in the other, leaving #5 with us, but would be a squeeze in the smaller room, unless we take it (though by the time we put our bed in there would be no room for anything else!). Or we could free up all 3 rooms and me & dp sleep in the living room, though I'm not keen on that! Hmm

Another option could be to sell flat and try and get a 1 bed flat nearer us for eldest. Though it seems silly selling a 2 bed for a 1 bed, plus that was supposed to be going towards buying a house for all of us. I'm sure ds would love that idea, though perhaps a bit young at 16/17 to be moved out?! He is quite sensible, and studying for exams, but I'd worry he would feel pushed out, not be near enough, get carried away, never mind another set of bills to pay! It would give him space & peace to study though, but then he probably needs our help & support right now more than ever, even if he wouldn't admit it! Perhaps that is a silly option! Confused

We could also keep the flat, and dp and eldest could go there at weekends for peace / a break?? Or maybe I could go?! Grin Seems a lot of running around though!

Ok, is there an obvious solution I am missing? And don't say I should have thought of this before getting pregnant - yadda yadda yadda, of course everything would be different and the world a better place if everything was perfectly planned!!! Grin

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ChristineDePisan · 26/08/2015 20:04

I wouldn't sell the two bed flat for a one bed for your eldest DS.

Are you sure that there is nowhere bigger that you can afford to rent?

Otherwise I think the boys in one room and the girls in the other would be the best temporary solution, and will at least give you time to look for a bigger place

QuiteLikely5 · 26/08/2015 20:07

Have you considered buying your current house from the council and extending it or just getting the loft floored etc and putting your son up there?

Cherrypippin · 26/08/2015 20:10

We had this exact problem, couldn't afford to move so we've given up our bedroom and have a sofa bed in the lounge. It's not ideal but we have plenty of storage space for our stuff. I just miss having a child free space. We have ds1 whose ASD in the box room on his own, then ds2&3 share a room and then ds4 and dd1 share a room. Next year ds4 will move in with the other boys and dad will have her own room. We manage and it means we can stay living in a lovely area where we could never afford a bigger house.

DoingTheGardening · 26/08/2015 20:14

Boys in master bedroom and a desk for oldest to study
Dd in smallest room
The two littles in third room
You and DH on sofa bed?

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 20:15

Maybe you need to be open to buying or renting in cheaper areas? Your eldest could be living with you for a good few years yet.

RandomMess · 26/08/2015 20:19

I would look at renting something different where the rooms sizes/layout would work better.

RandomMess · 26/08/2015 20:20

We had the 3 youngest in the largest bedroom... tricky with the ages you have but doable for a few more years.

Or keep the 2 year old in with you and the baby - invests in a humongous bed?

nephrofox · 26/08/2015 20:23

I wouldnt have 7 people living in a 3 bed house. Sounds utterly awful. I can't see your 16 year old being happy about sharing with a 9 year old ? He needs privacy too

2boysnamedR · 26/08/2015 20:26

Do you rent your flat out? If not could you? Use the money to rent a bigger place? One with separate kitchen, dining room and lounge? Make one the downstairs room a bedroom? There are four of us in a similar situation here. Buying to extend out is the only solution for us

mabythesea · 26/08/2015 20:36

Is the biggest bedroom big enough that you could divide it, even if just with a curtain or Ikea kallax unit? If so put the two boys in there but split it. 11 year old and 2 year old in bunk beds in the smallest room and you and the baby in the other one.

In a couple of years hopefully your oldest will be moving out/going to uni, around the same time the baby will need to move out of your room. Then you'll have to arrange them again into a boys room and a girls room.

nagynolonger · 26/08/2015 21:03

At one stage we had a similar gap in a 3 bed. We were fortunate that even the smallest room was a double.

DS1 was 16
DD 14
DS2 9
DS3 2
DS4 on the way.

We put DS1 and DS2 together but put a desk in our room so that he had space to work. They got on well so no problems.
DD shared with the 2 year old. He slept well and she loved having him in her room.
The baby came in with us. We already had planning permission to add on 2 more rooms and that was completed before DS5 was born. The youngest three eventually shared the largest bedroom while the eldest were at university. We did split them up when DS1 and DD moved out for good.

Original poster
5into3wontgo · 26/08/2015 23:25

Thanks everyone.

We can't buy the house as we privately rent. We also kind of live in the cheapest area as it is, so nowhere much cheaper we can go unless we move somewhere way remote, but then that brings a whole new set of problems, jobs etc?!

Hmm, beginning to think this is not such a good idea Sad.

Would it really be that awful nephrofox?! Yes, not ideal, but I'm sure it's just a recent thing where it seems the norm for every kid to have their own room. I know when I was growing up all my friends shared, except for the only kids, or those from well off families. There were 4 of us living in a loft conversion - before my eldest sister moved out we were 23, 21, 15 and 11!! Not ideal but we survived! Blush Shock Would it really be that awful for 16 & 9 yr old to share a room? They're hardly in their rooms anyway - either out on bikes / with friends, or playing the playstation in the living room!

Seems the best option would be for the boys to take biggest room, dd to have small room, and baby & toddler in with us for a year or two max, and hopefully save a bit more in the meantime and try and afford a 4 bed then. Hmm

Sad
OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 23:56

No one actively wants to live in cramped accommodation but many millions of people have lived in far more cramped spaces before you and will after you. If you know it is only for a year or two then that will make it more bearable.

Love is more important than space. [boak] Grin

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 23:58

I would rig up some sort of partition for them though if possible. Privacy is important when you've got business to attend to and you don't want him spending hours in the shower while the rest of you queue outside.

Original poster
5into3wontgo · 27/08/2015 00:19

Thing is, he already does spend ages in the shower as it is! Blush ConfusedShockGrin

Hmmm, this is shit though. What on earth am I thinking? I was sad after #4 was born because she was definitely our last - I wanted more, though I knew it was stupid & impractical. But pregnancy with her was really special - I enjoyed every minute, probably because I knew it was the last, and have really enjoyed having her. I was worried initially how the older kids would take it but they have all been great with her. She's now coming up to toddler stage and things are getting easier & more fun! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect end to baby days.

Then this bombshell Sad. I thought I was ok with this, but it's fucking things up for everyone Sad. I feel it's spoiling my time with youngest now, irrational as that is, because now she isn't the last, and I've got to cram us all in somehow, and it will be a compromise for everyone, stressful.

I was worried about being an older mum with dd but I've managed, albeit really tired, & I really noticed how old & tired I was. Now I'm even older again and have to cope with not just a newborn but a toddler as well. I thought I was ok with this but perhaps not. Hmm Maybe it's just hormones. Yesterday I even got a bit excited about it all. Today I'm starting to resent it. This is madness Sad.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 27/08/2015 00:29

How pregnant are you?

If it's not too late it really is ok to not go ahead with it if it really isn't what you want. Either decision is fine with us. Smile Either way you will be ok.

Hormones, eh. Decisions, eh? How is your dp about it all? Bit of a shock for him too.

slicedfinger · 27/08/2015 00:38

Completely agreeing with what waffly said. At the same time though one of the loveliest happiest families I know have 4 DSs and a 2 bed flat. They don't have the age gaps you do, but the mum is a CM during the day! Squish in and cuddle up. But only if it is right for all of you.

wafflyversatile · 27/08/2015 00:43

What's that story about the old woman who says her house is too cramped so the wise man turns up with a goat and some sheep and an elephant* or something over the course of a week. Then he takes them all away and she decided her house is actually ok?

Why not invite all their cousins round for a week! Grin

*may have been a horse.

lunar1 · 27/08/2015 00:55

What rooms do you have downstairs? Is there a dining room that could be a bedroom?

notaprincessbutaqueen · 27/08/2015 10:29

because of the ages I would put the boys in bedroom 2 and the girls in bedroom 3 in bunk beds. We have a 3 bed house, dd, who's 11, has the smallest room. ds1, 6, ds2, 3, and dsd, 6, all share the second bedroom. bump will be in with us for 2 years. and hopefully in that time we can buy our house (HA rented) and do a loft conversion. It's hard trying to figure out whats best isn't it? But it is only a very recent western idea about kids needing their own bedrooms x

2boysnamedR · 27/08/2015 12:10

My oldest three are all crammed into one room while I paint the Box room. It's not ideal but it's ok so far. My oldest two have bunks but choose share a bed and leave the top bunk. They are 7&11

Lightbulbon · 28/08/2015 17:51

I'd try 3 eldest in their own rooms and get a double bunk bed for you, DP & 2 youngest to share.

wafflyversatile · 28/08/2015 21:21

How are you doing, 5into3?

DixieNormas · 28/08/2015 21:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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