Three or not three?
hannie21 · 05/08/2015 00:23
Hi, so after some mummy and daddy cuddles that we thought were wrapped up, so to speak, we waited to find out if we'd need to buy a test. This wasn't needed. Previous to finding out my dh asked if I'd be disappointed if I wasn't. I felt cautious when answering, due to our second child (dd now 5) who suffered cdh and was on life support twice in her first 6 months, as I have always wanted 3 children. After everything she and we went through I didn't want to be selfish and push for a third and my dh said two was enough! Yet finding out that I wasn't my dh sat next to me and said that it shouldn't be just up to him. Well that completely threw me! We have a ds who is 8 also and is very close to his sister. We now have the, what do we do? We are both teachers, I teach 3 days PT (all other teachers will understand that a pt teacher doesn't actually exist though!) but we don't have family close by and we work 40mins from home, in different directions! My school is a very stressful environment and not what it was when I had my two other children. Recently dd was sick, I was told I could have 1 day off but had to find alternative childcare for the next day. Our amazing childminder we had has moved away. Argh, what to do? My heart says go for it but my head is being sensible.
Etak15 · 05/08/2015 00:29
Go for it! Everything else can work around it, 'you'll regret the things you didn't do not the things you did,'don't know where that quotes from - mumsnet probably :)
BigRedBall · 05/08/2015 00:32
Personally...(I did this)...just go for it. As my midwife told me when I panicked Infront of her admitting we had no childcare for when I went into labour with no.3:
things will always work out in the end. Get to know and make friends with school mums at your child's school and you'll be surprised at how willing people are to help when you ask.
Well I did and everything did work out beautifully. It all works out fine in the end. Good luck!
3boys3dogshelp · 05/08/2015 00:45
I have three, I adore all my children but really honestly I wouldn't recommend it. Ds3 did NOT just fit in! The jump from 2 - 3 seemed ok for a while but as the youngest gets older and wants to join in I am finding myself quite stretched to give them all the attention they need. Ds2 has, despite my best intentions, become a typical attention seeking middle child (he is 5 now). I also did not go back to my career as planned after dc3 as the cost and logistics just didn't make sense (reasonably well paid, pt, but stressful and not very easy to take time off for sick children every other flipping week etc.)
Ds3 was very much wanted and planned for. We had two good jobs, a big enough car and house etc, loads of clothes/toys/furniture etc. what we just didn't seem to plan for is the constant demand on our time to parent them all! Also the fact that people generally never offer to have all our children now, this sounds petty but it is a big deal. For a recent child free wedding I had to ask both sets of grandparents to share them as neither felt comfortable with three together. They are not naughty btw, just average kids! Speaking to other parents of 3 lots agree that this is a 'thing'.
I hope this isn't too negative and I aware others will have an entirely different experience, I just feel that if you're a bit non committal now then three isn't for you.
Etak15 · 05/08/2015 00:54
I don't think 3 is much different from 2 ( we've got 4) but the hard thing is a small age gap (2yrs between each) and the 2nd youngest always seems to need the most attention!!
I do agree about the childcare though luckily we work our shifts around each other but on the occasions when we're both at work my parents & Iaws had no probs having 3 of them, not back at work after the 4th yet but I imagine that will be a bit trickier but still doable!! If you've got good support you can make it work. We are very lucky to have that.
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