distant mother

[Lozzy3003]

I don't know how to begin this thread but just know I'm balling my eyes out barely able to read as I write. Well this weekend we had my parents come up to stay but they stayed at my sisters who lives around the corner from me. It hurt my feelings that I barely saw them the whole time they were here. I've noticed lately my mum has been lying about a lot of things that I catch her out on, like they all went for a meal after I left my mums without so much as an invite, even though we would have turned them down. I've always been there for my parents and thought they were there for me but she tells me she doesn't like coming to my home because it's a mess, I don't know what she expects to see with 4 young boys running around and a three month old baby girl screaming, she claims of it isn't cleaner someone will take my kids apart from the fact I've had plenty of health professionals come in and never complain about my home. Then she claims I blame everything on my eldest son whom despite our differences I love just as much as my other children. But the people in our family are so quick to blame my other son for everything because he's very chatty and can get quite hyper at times. I'm at a loss I've told my mum I believe I should stay away for a while to clear my head. I just needed to get it off my chest

Ah Lozzy, that's sad.

I don't know what to say that would be helpful.

My dad used to come to my house and sit there with a face like a slapped arse, but it's got better now my dcs are older and quieter, and the house is tidier.

My sister has told me several times that she would rather I go to her house because she feels claustrophobic in my house, even though my DCs are much younger than her almost adult sons, and I have four and she has two . Hers was no tidier, I might add, just bigger.

It's not difficult now that I don't have to pack a nappy bag to get there, or battle with car seats, but it was a pita for many years. Some people can be so selfish and rude, and not even be aware that they are!

Some people just can't stand noisy children and/or mess - that combination for my parents was a nightmare, which equalled major stress for me. The anticipation of them coming was terrible, but them just "popping-in" was a million times worse.

It is hurtful, I know. What did your mum say when you suggested staying away?

Well she basically says that it made her sad i felt like that but how am i supposed to feel when she says that if i don't clean up my house i'll loose my children. I've had plenty of health professionals come into my home and i've apologised for the mess and i've been told not to worry about it because i have young children and they are going to make mess. The funny thing is my mum and my sister both have back gardens so they can put the kids outside while they clean but i can't because i live in a maisonette so i have them in one room making mess while i clean another and then it's messy again. My sisters son is younger than my eldest three and her daughter is just a little older than my youngest but my mum used too have a houseful of children when we were kids but she accuses me of not disaplining my children properly but the reason we were so well disaplined was because we were hit with slippers or belts and there is no way i'm going to hit my children like that. The worst part is that she sits and complains about my sisters partner and claims that he makes her uncomfortable, if it was that uncomfortable then why would she sleep under the same roof as him. I'm honestly not bothered that they don't really come to mine but its my kids they were so hurt by it on friday they waited all evening for their uncle who is a little older than them to come round, it was sons birthday on thursday and she always claims he's her favourite yet he wasn't the first person she wanted to see when she arrived so he fell asleep upset. I hate going to my parents house because the kids get moaned at for going into my brothers room except my eldest because they're roughly the same age and my kids get moaned at for being downstairs the problem is at my parents is my 10 year old brother sits playing the game all the time until any time he likes but i won't do that with my own so they play toys and make a mess, i'd rather live in a messy home well lived in than a home that is too tidy and force my kids to sit on the sofa all day.. (Sorry for droning on, I just have nobody i can talk too about it)