DH unsure about baby#3...........

[DeeDee1981]

....... where as I 'just have to try' for #3. How do I explain to him that I have this need to try without sounding crazy or demanding. We have 2 sons (aged 6 and 4) who we both love to the moon and back, and if 'mother nature' decided that we only have the 2 then that's fine, but I would regret not trying and I don't want that nor do I want to resent DH for not letting us try.

Not really sure what i'm asking, maybe just your thoughts on going from 2DC to 3DC - Did your other halfs have doubts too?? x

What are his main doubts?

Knowing him, money!!!! I have said to him that i'd like to try, but i am trying really hard not to keep on about it, so to give him time to think about it.

If you really thought about it, on paper no-one can afford kids!!!!!
x

Hi, I'm in your DH's position. ie. My wife wants three but I'm happy with two. Here are my reasons...i don't want the stress of pregnancy and the worry of if they'll be Ok and healthy. I want a snippet of a 'normal' life back, where everything doesn't revolve around the kids. And money, we're lucky and my wife doesn't have to work but money is very tight because of it. I want more money. My final reason is going to make me sound like a heartless man, but I can't be bothered with the first year of childhood. I loved it but don't want to go through it again. Hope this helps give a bit of perspective of what your DH might be thinking.

So great to have a male point of view on this.

Can i ask, have you just said a flat out no to #3 or are you thinking about it??

I don't want to push DH into anything, but as the same time i do not want to get to a point where i say that i regret not trying or that i resent the fact that he wouldn't try.

I know he has said that he will think about it, but i'm sure if he is just saying that or if he is thinking about it. I know he doesn't just want to say no to me as he knows i'll be upset.

Thank you for letting me find out how a male brain works!!!!!

We haven't really discussed it properly or seriously. It might come up if I say something like "Lets sell the cot on ebay" and we might discuss it in a light hearted manner. Our youngest is 2 in a month so we have a bit of time yet...I'm not really sure what's going to happen though!

I don't think it's just a male state of mind.

We have 2 dds (6yo and 3yo) and I've been undecided for over a year now, whereas my DH is very keen to try for just one more baby. He's excited by the prospect of one more child.

Parts of me that say 'no' are:

• Repeat ELCS for me (dd1 assisted vaginal delivery, dd2 ELCS) and the increased risks after having one previous CS.
• Vanity. I'm in pretty good shape after having 2 babies and I'm not sure what a 3rd pg/2nd CS will do (worried about saggy belly and overhang).
• Don't like how vulnerable I feel in the days/weeks following birth. I'm very self sufficient and know I would need help for 3-4w at least.
• Actually getting pg. Dd1 took almost 1y naturally, and dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of Clomid.
• We would need to move house
• What if it's twins? Eek!
• I know I can effectively manage the 2 dds I have, despite finding some aspects tricky. How well would I be able to do that with 3?
• Toddlerhood. I haven't been keen on ages 18m-30m thus far as I find toddler mobility combined with their lack of understanding and reason hard, hard going (adore newborn-18m then again around approaching 3y and 3+)

Parts that I say 'yes' to are:

• Having a baby again. I love babies.
• That wonderful feeling of DH and I knowing I'm pg; carrying our baby, antenatal appointments and those first precious weeks with a newborn.
• Giving our dds one more sibling (they have no aunts, uncles or cousins).
• Having three children to mother as I cherish mothering the two we have.
• Imagining future family get-togethers, parties, birthdays, Christmases.

I swing daily between thinking 'yes' and 'no'. It's incredibly frustrating!

Molotov - I've started thread that I hoped you'd join on. You and I have spoken a few times about the prospect of a third. (I mc in autumn). People are talking about regretting (or not) the amount of children they've had.

We're going to go for it in the summer

I'll try and link x

here

I remember you, 888

Thanks for the link. I'll mark my place and have a good read a bit later on.