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Original poster

Struggling to cope...

19 replies

ShoeShooChoux · 20/03/2015 23:10

I have the smallest 'large' family with only three dc but i feel i'm struggling to cope since dc3 came along in December. We've been hit with various illnesses which hasn't helped things but other than that i just feel overwhelmed. The sheer volume of washing stresses me out and i don't seem to have the time to stay on top of it. Dc3 isn't a good sleeper, probably because he's always ill. I don't feel like i have time with the other two which i feel incredibly guilty about. Dh works away which makes things more difficult.

is it just early days? Will it get better?

I've read about these third kids who just 'slot in' to family life but ours is not doing that. I spend most of my days bf and not getting anything done.

Sad Sad

OP posts:
imip · 21/03/2015 06:32

Yes, it is early days... Ignore the house for now (I do really know its easier said than done). My 4 were born within 5 years and I struggled to cope. I see it really only now that I am more able to cope as the youngest is now 3.

Do you have a cleaner? I generally didn't, as the effort involved in cleaning for the cleaner was far too hard. Dh would sometimes help before the cleaner arrived, but he worked long hours also.

My house is now much cleaner (I hasten to add not perfect at all, I have a 8, 6, 5 and 3 yo, but I can see the improvement and I know it will get better.

I can cope with dcs more, but I have a dc who suffers badly from anxiety who we get therapy for, and that still remains hard for me, so I try to focus more. On the dcs, and less on the house, sadly I 'enjoy' washing, but don't iron much anymore.

I think once you have a little baby, it's v difficult, once they turn 2, it gets easier,hand in there!

Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 21/03/2015 16:20

Thank you. I realise that my family really isn't large compared to a lot on here but it feels big to me!

I keep thinking how much easier it was with two Sad Although i remember thinking that about having one when the second one came along.

I hope as he gets older and will be entertained by his siblings (or, you know, the tv Wink ) it will be easier. Just now he only wants me and cries if ever i dare to put him down. But my other two need me too Sad

OP posts:
imip · 21/03/2015 17:43

Are you using a sling? Once you get to 3 order, they are a godsend!

clara85 · 21/03/2015 21:03

I am similar - dc3 is 6 months old, older two are 3 + 4.

I have been back at work 2 months now which is very difficult.

Dc3 is a terrible sleeper, still up every 2 hours and that's co sleeping.

You are not alone!

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2015 18:21

Snap!! Except my dc3 is 15 months old Sad

I adore them all but the sheer amount of washing/mess/whinging from my oldest (5 yo) plus working part time is killing me!

Sorry I couldn't help...!

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2015 18:22

Ps I don't sleep either, which must make things so much worse Flowers

NAR4 · 25/03/2015 16:02

I second getting a baby sling. The wrap ones are most comfortable for wearing for long periods and you can breast feed in them. I downloaded instructions off the internet and bought about 6 metres of pretty T-shirt material. Much cheaper and makes 2 when cut in half width ways (so you still have 2 lengths of 6 metres).

Put a wash load in every night when you go to bed, then you have all day to hang it out/tumble dry and that helps avoid a massive build up of washing.

Get in the habit of batch cooking whenever you can.

Go out to toddler groups, so you don't have to look at the housework you haven't got time to do and your also not in as much for the children to make mess at home.

Sleep deprivation makes everything seem an epic task. Remind yourself you've done it twice before and you know it gets easier.

MrsApps3 · 26/03/2015 17:18

I could have written this! I also had dc3 in December and have been finding things hard for the past month, I think initially I was high on post birth hormones and she was more sleepy in the day. Like your dc3, mine does not want to be put down and cries as soon as I put her down, she also cries if anyone but me holds her. She is also hopeless at napping I the day now which often means I don't get a moments peace!
I find getting out to group helps as my dc2 isn't ho,e to create more mess and I don't have to look at it! Plus I notice her fussing less when I'm out and distracted, plus the noise will sometimes keep her asleep!
I have to say my caboo has been my best buy and I have used it at least once every day since January! Sometimes she isn't happy to be in it inside, but others she will take a nap in there and I can prep some dinner or get some tidying and washing up done.
How old are your other two? Mine are 5, 3 and 3 months.

Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 26/03/2015 17:34

Thanks everyone. There are some good tips here. I do have a couple of slings but I've only just got the hang of them! I'm going to try using them more often now.

My older two are 6 and 9 so is a big gap. They can at least help butter i feel like i'm neglecting them a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 26/03/2015 17:36

but not butter, of course!

OP posts:
Box5883284322679964228 · 26/03/2015 17:54

It will get easier. When you feel stronger and whenDH is about, a serious major declutter would make it easier to stay on top of the house.

Quitelikely · 26/03/2015 18:09

I understand. Remember this is only temporary. So is the mess. Accept that your standards are t going to be as high as they were pre baby. Accept they will revert to type once he is more manageable.

You aren't neglecting the other two the new baby is just being demanding. Tell your other dc that you know you're very busy with the baby just now but it won't last forever.

Re your laundry.

My tips are: if it's not dirty don't wash it.

Once the drier stops get to it immediately so the things don't need ironing.

Ask your nine year old to help put the laundry away.

One day do a white wash and one day a dark wash then alternate.

This way it's one wash each day and manageable.

Yes this wAy means there's always laundry in there but as I said for a few months certain standards will need to fall.

You will get there. I also had to give up BF because of the time it was taking away from everything else. No one truly told me how time consuming it was. He was on me for hours and hours. I couldn't cope with that due to managing the house and children. So a few weeks is all I lasted!

I have 3 and non of them slotted into my life! All were very hard.

Flowers

This will pass. This will pass.

Repeat during times of stress ha well that's what I do!

Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 26/03/2015 19:50

Thank you.

Good tips re laundry.

And yes, the constant breastfeeding! Some days ds and i barely leave the sofa in between school runs. He just feeds and sleeps. And i'm happy for him to sleep on me all day because at least when he's sleeping he's not crying. But then i feel guilty for not getting anything done.

It will pass. He's still so young. I must try to remember.

OP posts:
tiger66 · 27/03/2015 00:09

Feel your pain. I have dd1 born in October. I also have 3 with the elder 2 being 6 and 8. Had a complete melt down tonight on hubbie as he has been working so much recently I feel that we rarely see him. Feel a constant drain of feeding everyone, shopping, washing and trying to work. Today my day started at 6.30 and I finally stopped doing all the chores/ kids stuff and online grocery shop at 11pm. Feeling emotionally and physically drained. Maybe we can support each other?

Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 27/03/2015 12:15

Sorry you're stuffing too Tiger. Yes, we should support each other.

I've been thinking about hiring a cleaner. Just once a fortnight to do things like clean the kitchen and bathroom floors and surfaces. Anything to make life a little easier.

I've also been usingy slow cookervalue lot-throwing meat and veg in with whatever sauce I've got in the morning. At least there's a hot dinner ready in the evening.

How are things today?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShoeShooChoux · 27/03/2015 12:15

Stuffing should read suffering.

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 27/03/2015 12:22

If your DP is away a lot then you are effectively a single parmet a lot of the time so that is going to be incredibly hard with a newborn and the school run.

Can your older ones walk themselves?

Personally I'd try to get the baby used to sleeping on his own. But that's not very fashionable these days!

sosix · 29/03/2015 23:33

If your house has been anything like mine, lots of bugs doing the rounds, that makes everything 2x as hard.

Your baby is only tiny, one baby starts interacting older dcs will be more involved. Try a sling. Agree with doing a load a day, dh does more at weekend and I have a quick was dry function that takes 45 minutes to do any emergency items school uniform

Try not to worry to much about housework. Yy to a cleaner.

sosix · 29/03/2015 23:33

If you can find the energy take baby out walking.

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