Coping with pregnancy while caring for your other kids

[EeB00]

Hi,

I have three kids ages 5,3 and 1, and keep thinking about a fourth. In my heart I would love another little one in the brood.

But, my last pregnancy and post-natal months felt horrendous. The nausea and vomiting were awful, the medication I took to control it (Pherganan) made me sleep all the time - I basically couldn't care for the kids for three months. And after the birth my spd left me housebound for several months. My first pregnancy was pretty easy, but they got worse each time.

So, any advice? Did your pregnancy symptoms get worse with each pregnancy, or could a future pregnancy be easier?
Is it unfair to my other three dc to put them through 3 months of no Mummy while I deal with nausea/vomiting/exhaustion?
I would have no anxiety about caring for another baby, it's all about coping with another pregnancy! How did you manage it?

Thanks x

Do you have a hands-on partner AND full time help or live across the road grandmother?

If I weren't able to care for my kids for 3 months and then were housebound for a few months afterwards plus caring for a newborn, personally I wouldn't have another one. Seems like a bit too much on the plate?

Sorry if that is not what you want to hear, but I''m a bit for your children.

Maybe it would help to find out why you are yearning for another? Don't you have your hands full?

Good luck with your decision! I feel for you though, the biological urge can be overwhelming...

Thanks for your reply. It's good to get a reality check - I can just daydream away about so easily.

I don't know why I want another. I love our children and their different characters, what they each bring and who they are, and just really want another person in the mix. I love seeing the different relationships blossoming between the three of them. Life seems very rich for them and us. I do have my hands full but I love it. Can't explain it very rationally.

I don't have any grandparents around or full time help, but DH is very hands on when he's not at work. So I would need to figure out how to help family life function.

Thanks again, I think you're right, I need to give it more thought on how it would impact the kids x

Hey, I'm very similar. We want a fourth but I get terrible sickness and can barely function for 3 months.

Say your kids live for 80 years... 3 months, when they're young, isn't a lot. Try to cut corners before you even get pregnant. I've set up an asda shop full of easy meals so within 3 clicks I can have a food shop ordered. I've bought paper plates and cups so there'll be minimal washing up. Can you hire a cleaner just for the worst few weeks? I would, even if it meant giving up my beloved takeaway!

I have to say my 4th pregnancy was in some ways my easiest. I knew in advance when I would struggle and planned accordingly (paper plates featured somewhere too even with a dishwasher!).

I said no to more things rather than just thinking that I would be fine. When friends were round (usually making me a cup of tea) they would ask if there was anything they could do...I would take them up on it and they would do bits and pieces.

My younger 2 would sit on/around me and watch a film when I took a nap, if they moved I woke up. Its all a distant memory now.

(dc 4 is 8 months old, so it was only last year that I was pg!)

I think your issue might be the small age gaps.

I agree with 5 children and it.

Mine are both in key stage 2, and this pg has been quite hard work so far. I have decided that I don't think I could do this again.... Not that the kids have been too bothered by me cutting corners. They have actually enjoyed being in charge of cooking easy food etc. but it would be too difficult if I already had a preschooler.

Wait til you get the older ones into school and then reconsider.

I'll be too old by the time this ones in school! But I think 3's enough for me anyhow.

Enjoy them

Just wait a while. I'm having my 4th but my eldest is 11 and can do a lot. I wouldn't be doing this with a toddler (I did that on no3 and it was a disaster!)

Thanks everyone!

Love the idea of paper plates - do i have to be pregnant to use that idea?!

I'm 35 so don't feel I have loads of time to wait. But since i posted, I've felt more like it would be a bit mad and hard on all of us, and not a great idea! I probably need to assume there won't be any more and focus on family life as it is now. And perhaps in a year or so things might feel a bit easier and it wouldn't be so crazy, but I need to be in a place where I can accept that there may never be a fourth and be ok with that (but I do hope hope hope that somehow it might feel do-able at some point!!)

Thanks for the point about the age gaps, I think you're both right.