how do you cope?

[angeleyes72]

I have 3dds 10, 8 and 2. Dh works long hours including commute say 6.30 am to 7.30pm. As a result during the week he barely manages to bring his mug into the kitchen. I do all night wakings and virtually all the childcare and housework. I am also trying to run a smsll businesss very part time. At the weekend he does abit more but still nowhere near 50/50 (say 70/30)
He also only had 4 days off following dd3 birth so I was largely on my own following csection and tbh have never truly caught up. I see post where mums stress about their dh going back to work after 2 to 3 weeks with 1 or 2 dc and I think they are so lucky.
Do how do you hold it all together The house is a cluttered mess but I feel like I am on my own with my attempts to keep it tidy.
I realise the key is probably getting dc to help but dd2 also has some sen so there are limits. Any tips appreciated.
thank you

Don't have long to post as I have to pop out for the nursery run soon!

x4 DC's and DH who works long hours, he leaves at 6.15 and gets home 8 or 9 or later on a bad day. He also never take long for maternity leave, that was hard.

Other stuff to cope includes Ocardo (I never ever do a big shop any other way now, they are amazing...substitutions once in a blue moon only). Dishwasher, dryer, owning less stuff (see the Marie Kondo thread on good housekeeping). Batch cooking so NO cooking after school - re-heats or stuff that was put in the slow cooker in the afternoon only. Not aiming for perfection! Takeaways when it all gets too much. I've also started getting DH to take the odd day off here and there when I have specific stuff that I need to catch up on. At weekends he cooks and lot and is really hands on. I lie in on a Saturday, when the DC's were babies I have gone to bed at 10pm and slept until 11am/noon. I leap at every offer of help.

There was also this really good thread on here a few years ago that had loads of tips...that helped a lot too, I will have a look later and see if I can find it. It does get easier once your smallest gets to 3 and can go to nursery.

4dc here too but older (13-5) and dh works away early Mon-Thurs night.

Shopping is done online. I have a pad in the kitchen for writing a list as I go (everyone adds to it) and probably average 2 orders a week.

Non-iron school shirts so the only ironing is 4 of dh's shirts and any of my stuff I want to do.

I have 3 trugs on the landing for dirty washing, when one is full, I wash it on a 40 auto wash - I rarely sort lights/darks as that seems to be when I get a back log. Then straight into drier then sorted I to piles on my bed. Everyone puts their own clothes away.

The big 2 are expected to do one stage of the laundry per day. Everyone us expected to put their dirty washing in the trug.

All 4 dc can empty/stack the dishwasher and all help with the bins. They each tidy their rooms on a Sunday night - until recently we had a cleaner on a Monday (now it's back to me) - so that they can be hoovered without needing tidying first.

Lots of easy storage helps to - big box for Lego, big box for 'kitchen', big box for wooden train and so on so that it's easy for the dc to tidy up themselves. With the younger 2, they cannot just tidy their room, I need to tell them to put the lego away, then put the Barbies away etc - break it down into smaller jobs.

If the mood takes you, choose a room and hit it - I'm not a hoarder so can be ruthless about clutter/stuff. I probably take a small carrier bag a fortnight to the charity shop of bits that we just don't need (outgrown clothes, books that we've had enough of, toys that are ignored). Don't keep every single bit of stuff the dc have made - choose the best things and display them (pictures blu tacked to kitchen cupboards) until something 'better' comes along.

That's really long, sorry

Most importantly - don't feel guilty about taking some time in the day to do 'nothing'.

Def get children to help, especially older two.

Also organisation of each chore so it's easier. Ie have one place in house near bedrooms with communal laundry baskets. White/ darks/ delicates. Then even two year old can be shown white colours only, etc and so no more sorting. Wash as each one is full

Get elder x2 to strip own beds say every Monday morning and put next to washing machine. Then you can just wash and remake.

Sort house room by room so you don't have so much stuff. Less stuff= less mess

Maybe write a list of all other chores and let eldest x2 choose say 2 a week they will do for pocket money. Ie one always unloads food delivery, one hoovers downstairs once a week. Regular chores ie load dishwasher/ tidy toys they need to help/ do daily

Thank you for replies. Laundry is a bone of contention. Eldest just dumps it on floor. dh has a floorrobe. Middle one is the only one who puts it the right place. Although he creates more laundry as has soiling issues.
Laundry baskets are dotted around house. Maybe time to keep them together.
Re clutter I think we all have hoarding/ collecting tendencies. Me books kids and dh lego and dh football programmes. I also probably stockpile toiletries abit.

We both work full time and have done since youngest was one (dcs 9, 8 and 6) - only outside help we have is childminder.

All shopping online, this year my resolution is finding the path of least resistance, so always use Ocado rather than fiddle about finding what is cheapest.

We spent 2 days after CHristmas doing a MASSIVE declutter, have a look on the Kondo thread. Honestly 3 tip runs and 23 bin bags (plus at least £800 made via ebay/music magpie etc) - with ideas to take photos of good art and then make photo collages of them all, saves having to keep it all). Are you able to put aside a weekend where you can just do a massive blitz?

What it has done is helped massively with how we all treat the house, as it is tidier it is easier to tidy as we know where everything's place is, plus the kids have really responded to the reduced clutter, they seem to be playing more - I guess respect for the (tidy) house is reflected in the family. Kids who have never helped with anything suddenly happy to take dirty dishes into kitchen, put dirty clothes in washing machine etc as it feels so much less overwhelming.

I think they are concerned, however, that I will recycle them if they clutter the place up too much - I do need to tone it down a bit.

On days when I am home with toddler I can usually tackle one room plus kitchen. Unfortunately it never stays tidy for long. Everyone seems happy when it is tidy but I seem to be the only one for cares enough to keep it that way. Weekends seem to disappear with just general chores, childcare and family stuff.
Thank you

3 DC here.

Clutter clearing is a key. I have a red bucket near the stairs that odds and sods get put into. They have 24 hrs to take their stuff out or I bin it

Did I read write that your DH has a floordrobe? Sod that, his clothes and the eldest would be piled on their beds every morning and not washed again until sorted.

DD1 tried to leave clean clothes on the floor for a while but soon got bored of nothing being washed.

I also make sure everything (if given to wash!) is sorted and ready for the next day. Clean clothes put out including underwear, shoes and bags including my own clothes. This stops that horrible shouting running late start to the day.

No one is allowed to use and leave the bathroom unless made tidy again, I do need to help the younger two.

Bedding is paired up, sheet, duvet and pillow cases all kept as sets in one pillow case ready to replace the one being taken off. Only two sets per bed and two towels plus a hair towel each per person.

We do tidy 10 minutes where everyone helps with a room or two each, write the rooms on paper and pull out of your pocket, roll a dice to see who gets to run up the stairs to start first, try making a game of it all. My middle one is my secret tidy fairy...

Hope this helps.

Dont be too hard on yourself, you are not super housework women